Reflections and happenings...

A story is told...

2012-01-13T06:54:00.000-08:00

My girl texted me the other day "I am going to be the best violet I can be" and it was so encouraging after the argument we had had. I thought you might like to hear the story as to why that is a "motto" in our house. It puts things in perspective sometimes when we are feeling discontentment.
"A story is told of a king who went to his garden one morning, only to find everything withered and dying. He asked the oak tree that stood near the gate what the trouble was. The oak said it was tired of life and determined to die because it was not tall and beautiful like the pine tree. The pine was troubled because it could not bear grapes like the grapevine. The grapevine was determined to throw its life away because it could not stand erect and produce fruit as large as peaches. The geranium was fretting because it was not tall and fragrant like the lilac.
And so it went throughout the garden. Yet coming to a violet, the king found it's face as bright and happy as ever and said, " Well, violet, I'm glad to find one brave little flower in the midst of this discouragement. You don't seem to be the least disheartened." The violet responded, "No, I'm not. I know I'm small, yet I thought if you wanted an oak or a pine or a peach tree, or even a lilac, you would have planted one. Since I knew you wanted a violet, I am determined to be the best little violet I can be." Author Unknown
Life just keeps rolling, but God does what He does on purpose. God bless you, today and may you be the "best little violet you can be".

Oh, How He Loves Us...

2012-01-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

"The whole point of the cross..."

Back from the dead...with a bit more "Belief".

2012-01-07T17:21:00.000-08:00

I love how I can wake up with a plan, a course of action, an agenda for the day- and within hours, everything can change with a single phone call. Even yesterday, I got a text from one of my girls wanting to spend the evening together, and it was such a perfect opportunity to love on her and catch up after Winter Break. It doesn't seem like much, but for the last couple of months I literally have been dreading the phone so this week's awesome phone calls made me jump for joy!
For weeks, every time my cell buzzes, I flinch- just bracing for impact. I keep expecting another call from an angry family member, a frustrated parent, a depressed teen, or even just a reminder that I forgot something I was suppose to do. I know, what a Debbie Downer I am. I keep turning the worries over to the Lord, but then the sad text or call comes in and the anxiety starts all over again.

Well, Thursday changed my mind! I got a message from a friend to call back ASAP, and it was SO GOOD! Let me start at the beginning-
Sunday morning, New Years Day, we got to church early because my boy was playing drums and I always like to sit close if I can and make faces at him. As we were waiting for church to start, an elderly gentleman behind us literally stopped breathing, and didn't have a pulse. No joke. Long story short, one of our pastors helped me carry him out and we had to preform CPR and attempt to resuscitate him while we waited for the ambulance. It was so sad for me to have to work on this guy with his friends watching, because I know how traumatic chest compressions look to a bystander, and the whole setting was just wrong. If people cry and freak out in the ER when you do CPR, imagine watching the same thing in your Sunday School classroom.

We finally got a very weak pulse, but not a perfusing rate, and very ineffective breathing, so in all honesty, I didn't have much hope. The paramedics arrived, and although they took him to the hospital, I waited all week to hear that he had passed. Then Friday morning. Woohoo! My friend had called to let me know that this sweet man had come out of his coma and was alert, oriented and totally recovering! Seriously, I could not have been more surprised or excited.
I had spent the last couple of weeks worrying about everything- and I felt like the whole crazy Sunday morning miracle was like God saying "Hello! Why do you doubt my strength and my goodness to you? You don't know what to do to help your husband grieve over his loss? I got it. You don't have the money for the Uganda Mission Trip? Trust me. You think your kids are going to grow up and end up homeless or on welfare because of stupid choices? Let me deal with them. You want to be a better person and have more faith? Let me show you how it's done, beloved."

Oh, What a God we have! I just still am reeling at how awesome our God is and how much He wants to teach us and show us a new way of living. I was hanging out in Exodus and reading about Moses and I just kept remembering how often I think, "Lord, I have been trying for like TWO WEEKS...why am I not perfect yet?" And yet here I see Moses, who was 80 before he was ready to go back to Egypt to help free his people, and then still spent another 40 years wandering around the desert trying to figure life out before God finally said, "That'll do" and took him home at the age of 120. So why on earth should I feel I have to have it all together now?
Such a great week of God Stops, and reminders that God is on His throne...and thank God I am not! His ways are wonderful, His timing is perfect and the laughter and joy He brings to our days is priceless. Oh, thank you Lord for helping me "BELIEVE" better and bigger of You, and bringing us back from the dead- sometimes both spiritually AND physically! I can't wait to be perfected by you, Father. But in the meantime, keep changing me and teaching me...make me look more like you. <3
"Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed." 1 Corinthians 15:51-52

(Pictures are just for fun- back in 2006. Reminds me how much things are always changing, and how much we continue to grow. ♥ )

A year in review...sort of.

2012-01-02T22:52:00.000-08:00

2011. Gone already? As I listen to people's New Year's Resolutions, and think about all the good, the bad, and the crazy of 2011- I can't help but think how fast it all went. Here's a snapshot of 12 months of controlled chaos. Even when I thought life was insane, God was never taken by surprise! Thank you, Lord for every minute of every day!

What I learned in 2011:

January-Cherish every minute. It's only 60 seconds before it's gone and you will never get the time, the words, the moment back.
"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:14

February- You can never have enough "spirit"- love people bigger than you ever have before.
"...because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. " Romans 5:5

March-Life is a gift. No matter what, how or when it comes, it is a GIFT.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

April-Find friends to walk with through life. It makes the good times great and the "ugly" times...not so ugly.

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:23

May-Right when you think your plan is in place, KNOW that God is going to change everything. :)

"Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

June- Be loyal to those who love you no matter what, and tell you the truth even if you don't like it.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

July- Surround yourself with people who know how to laugh at the future and have fun in the present.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life...neither the present nor the future...will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. " Romans 8:38-39

August-Stay out in God's Creation as much as possible. Way cheaper and more effective than any therapist will ever be.

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made..." Romans 1:20a

September- Be intentional about meditating on the GOODNESS of God, trusting Him with everything...EVERYTHING.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

October-Always make room in your life for people you can have fun with and love. It just makes life so much sweeter.

November-Find what is valuable- and fight for it with everything you have. Never quit, keep on keepin' on and hold it close.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

December- Tell the people around you that you love them, and Jesus loves them so much more. Every day count your blessings and leave the rest to God. He's got your back.

"Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come." Isaiah 46:10-11

What a comfort it is to know that no matter where I am, what is happening or what I plan for- God is completely and totally in control, and He is my Papa. He is taking care of me, teaching me and changing me to be more like Him. Miracle of miracles. Happy 2012, friends.

A night to Remember...

2011-12-28T00:14:00.000-08:00

Have felt so uninspired lately. It never ceases to amaze me that right when I choose to say "Bring it on, Lord- I want to grow!" He actually does, and I curl up in a ball and whine about it. My last post was about "choosing the town", walking alongside hurting people through a fallen world- and I have now spent the last 3 weeks wishing I was in the meadows...alone...and peaceful. What a dork.

Eventually I will finish the 5 posts I have started over the last few weeks, when I can be sure I won't sound so depressed you institutionalize me or so jaded you excommunicate me. In the mean time, tonight was a night I want to remember, because God reminded me so clearly of the assurance I have, and it felt good.

I read the other day a story about a blind hymn writer, Fanny Crosby, in the 1800's who wrote one of my favorites, and I remember thinking at the time how amazing it was to hear her say "when I see His face". How much more meaning does the word "see" carry for a woman who has never "seen" a face? In the same way, how much better do we see the blue sky after a week of clouds? Or enjoy the coolness of a lake after a day of sweating and manual labor? I know in my head that we see our blessings best through struggle, but my humanness would prefer not to struggle.

Tonight, thinking about the uphill battle so many have- God reminded me that the only way to get that amazing "mountain top view" is by hiking the hill, through sweat and tears sometimes. Fighting hard, and never quitting or turning back. And I know it will be so worth it.

If you have time, go check out the full verse of this hymn, Fanny was kind of a genius. Below I posted my favorite part though, "But purer, and higher, and greater will be our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see." I hope whatever battle you are facing, you remember that Jesus has assured you a glorious, bright future if you trust Him.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see." Fanny Crosby Blessed Assurance

"Our light and momentary troubles are ACHIEVING for us an eternal glory that FAR outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17
(Pics are from our Christmas tree hunt. We were really roughing it. Walked about 10 feet from the car, made the kids do all the work, drank hot cocoa. My kind of Christmas tree.)

The field or the town- Which do I choose?

2011-12-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

After the whirlwind couple of weeks we have had, I have decided slowing down is just never going to be a option. My heart has been stomped on, squashed, pinched and thrown aside this last week, and that's O.K. In the midst of it all, I know God is doing His thing- showing me my own mistakes and teaching me more about who He is- full of grace and compassion, love and forgiveness. I wish that was my first reaction all the time...maybe someday.

I pulled out an old devotional I have always loved for my girl today, she was needing the encouragement and "Streams in the Desert" has always been a comfort to me. So funny God had me choose this book on this day- He knew I needed the message more than she did. This daily devotional book was originally published in 1925, and still feels so relevant. Check it out sometime, it's a great way to start the morning.

December 5th's message was simple- stop trying to show God how to get where you want to go, let Him take the lead.

"I said, "Let me walk in the field";
God said, "No, walk in the town";
I said, "There are no flowers there";
He said, "No flowers, but a crown".

I said, "The sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back,
"There is more," He said, "there is sin."

I said, "But the air is thick,
And smog is veiling the sun";
He answered, "Yet souls are sick,
And your work is yet undone."

I said, "I will miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."

I pleaded for time to be given;
He said, "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide."

I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town;
He said, "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"

Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see. -- George McDonald

Weeks like these, I long for the empty fields. It's easy to live Christian alone, with my horses and roses surrounding me- comfort and pleasure as my mission field. But I choose the town, Papa. Where I get to walk alongside your people, to love them and work for them and serve them everyday. No matter how hard it gets, or how much it hurts. Because this is where you want me.

"I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct His steps." Jeremiah 10:23

(Pics were a glimpse of the Hawaii trip. We hit the ground running, so I really haven't had time to process it all- but someday I will give you the details...QUITE the adventure!)

What? It's not all about me?

2011-11-21T22:55:00.000-08:00

What a crazy trip. I will mull it over and have many words for you later, but I think the biggest thing I was reminded of this week was that God has His own agenda, and it's always better than mine...even if it cramps my style.

This passage has been my mantra the last 4 days, that I would set aside my own earthly desires and focus on what GOD desires of me. And it has been such a comfort.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4

Spending these days battling the enemy side by side with my daughter was so eye-opening, and really helped me to stop seeing her as my baby girl but a young woman God is growing and training. She is tenacious in her love for her God, and her commitment to staying faithful to Him inspite of the situation. Such an encouragement to this Mama's heart.

Homeward bound!

Hawaii Day 1- "Whad's da haps, bra?"

2011-11-19T10:11:00.000-08:00

What a crazy week! On Tuesday I was fully prepared to keep missing my daughter for another week. Then on Wednesday I got a surprise birthday present- a trip to Hawaii to meet up with her! How good is our God? Steve and I had contemplated sending me with her in the beginning, but we decided to save the money instead and let her have special time with her Grandma.

Well, by day one she was so homesick, and it just broke my heart. Then God blessed us both through my mom's generosity! So amazing!

I normally hate traveling and never want to play tourist, but to see my girl, it makes it all worth it! Not to mention being WARM for the first time in weeks! I walked out of the airport and just had to stop and soak it up....so warm!

It's the rainy season in Hawaii, so I don't know how much sun we will get, but it will be so fun to catch up with my Auntie who lives here and see Jasmine experience this state for first time. We barbequed with the family last night, got thoroughly lost as we tried to go downtown to see a movie, bumped the music as we sped down the mountain and enjoyed the night lights, and laughed until we cried as we "people watched".

Father, you are far too good to me. After a week of tears and worry, between missing my girl, watching my husband struggle with lost, and hurting for teens that have to struggle so hard, God has absolutely put a smile back on my face.

I am going to go soak up the warmth, drive around the island...and praise the Lord for His never ending compassion. Oh, to have a God who UNDERSTANDS us. Thank you, thank you!

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

I hate running.

2011-11-14T21:45:00.000-08:00

Yet another first to log in the memory bank today. I put my baby girl on a plane...to Hawaii...alone. I know, shouldn't be that big of a deal. But to me, it is HUGE. She was so excited, and nervous, and happy at the same time. With tears she begged us to come with her, and then with a smile and a wave she got on the plane and left. The attitude of that kid amazes me. She is going to be able to get through anything life deals out.

God gave me the grace to send her off with a grin and no tears, but the minute she was out of sight- yeah, that was pathetic. I suppose when the 20 year old kid behind me walked up and handed me some napkins I should of know I am a wimp. But then when he looked me in the eye and said, "I can see your tears through the reflection of the window...can I help you, ma'am?" I officially made "crybaby whiner" status.

All in all, the goodbye is the hardest part. Now I can thoroughly distract myself with work, horses, friends, and yard work. It is going to be a great 8 days and I am not going to whine or cry about missing my girl. I know I have a tendency to make my children into idols- pouring all my energy, efforts and time into them and forgetting that there is only one thing that should have that kind of total devotion. My Jesus.

I have been hanging out in Hebrews the last week, and after cruising through Hebrews 11 and all those "Heroes of Faith", it made me want to believe bigger of God. Then I read this today and it so hit my heart after sending Jasmine off:
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

We have been running in a million different directions and we are getting nowhere. And as much as I hate it, I need to "run" like my life depended on it but with a SPECIFIC goal in sight. Never quitting, never tiring- but pushing through to the end. I want to "throw off" the sin of self sufficiency, of self indulgence, even of false worship. My eyes need to not be fixed on my family, my fun times, or simple comforts, but wholly fixed on Jesus- my perfecter and redeemer. Thank you, Lord. For reminding me what really matters! Thank You for holding me close when I am weak, and kicking my butt when I slow down. Oh, how blessed I am!

(While I am busy "running" towards you, I put my sweet treasure, my girl, in your strong, safe arms. Bring her back to us soon.)

To "dwell" in peace and safety...sounds pretty good.

2011-11-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

November. Already? Life speeds by and I just can't catch up. Thank the Lord He doesn't expect me to have it all together. I just keep reading this Psalm over and over...and it frustrates me in the middle- because I know how many "false gods" I have in my life, and how often I shame the Lord. But then the end reminds me how GOOD my God is. That He would allow me to "lie down in safety".

Hope you read it and find the special voice of God for you today, friend.

"Answer me when I call to you,
my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Know that the LORD has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
the LORD hears when I call to him.

Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the LORD.

Many, LORD, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”
Let the light of your face shine on us.
Fill my heart with joy
when their grain and new wine abound.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, LORD,
make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4

(Pictures were from a trail ride on Whipple Creek. Oh, how I love those woods. They are truly the best therapy around.)

Anxiety can be funny.

2011-11-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

I have been spending my days freaking out lately. Really. Anxiety and worry is a full time job, and I am enjoying overtime the last couple of weeks.
Then I got these in an email...and remembered that laughter is my drug of choice for the treatment of all my mental disorders.
(I have no excuse for my insanity of late except my plans for the future have been obliterated and I have been throwing a temper tantrum. So please know I am not making fun of actual mental disorders, my heart hurts for those who suffer from these diseases. But feel free to poke fun at me all you like, as my only disease is sin and self righteousness. ;)

THE HOTLINE
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

HOW TO HANDLE STRESS
* Drive to work in reverse.
* Dance naked in front of your pets.
* Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.
* Make a list of things you have already done.
* Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
* Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
* Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
* Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
* When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you have other plans.
* Thumb through the National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
* Put your toddlers clothes on backward and send her off to preschool as if nothing is wrong. (Would this work for my teenagers? Hmmmm...)
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "Where are your tampons?"
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put M&M's on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
* Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, were out of toilet paper in here!"

WIFE JOKE
"Severe Stress: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” The doctor continued, “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” To which his wife responded, “He said you’re going to die.”

Wow. I feel so much better now.

Wow. Just wow.

2011-10-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

Literally feel like I took a dodge ball to the face today. But after watching this video, nothing hurts anymore! Thank you, God- for refocusing my attention on what matters. Only Jesus.

If you are breathing, you need to watch this! (Just click the link. The purple words. Go ahead. You can do it.)

Artist's name is David Garibaldi. Gonna have to research this talented guy.

To be a Grown Up...

2011-10-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'm a grown up. I have two teenage children, I have been married to the same great man for almost fifteen years, I have a career as a nurse. By all standards, I'm a grown up.

So why does it feel so surreal and GOOD to spend time with these folks?

(Scott doesn't always look like a mutant. He just has a fetish for amazingly goofy faces.)

I'll tell you why- because they are over the age of 30! Not only do I always feel like there is still so much to learn and so many things I should do "better", but lately Steve and I haven't had much "grown up fun" time. My life has revolved around people under the age of 18. Not to complain, I adore the teens in my life, more than you can imagine. And I love hearing their hearts, watching them grow in wisdom and understanding. But sometimes, you just need to hang with peeps your own age.

The hilarious part is- Steve and I went to a concert with these wonderful friends, and 2 rows in front of us were a dozen or so teenagers we all had brought! How pathetic that our "date night" was in conjunction with a youth event! Oh, Lord- you have a great sense of humor.

Truly, I have been so thankful for the way our fall season has begun. Schooling is going great, work is crazy, and God is on His throne. No matter with tears or laughter, life keeps rolling and we keep thanking God for the way He works.

So as I snuggle my kids, text my TAG girls, IM my boys, laugh at terrible jokes and listen to pop music that makes me gag- I will praise God for the opportunity to learn and love these teenage years for a second time around.

But Friday night, is going to be just for Steve and I!

Here's a cute poem I got in an email awhile back, my thoughts exactly:

When I grow up

What do I want to be like, when I grow up
I will try to be strong, and not give up
Be proud of myself, hold my head up
I want to be brave, and not throw up
Not lose my temper, never blow up
Do what I am told, always turn up
Help other people, cheer them up
But now I'm old, and still not grown up
By Dean Thorpe.

I love technology...

2011-10-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

and C.S. Lewis. I read a quote of his today on someone's blog that shouldn't have surprised me in it's simple common sense.

"You don't have a soul. You ARE a soul. You HAVE a body." C.S. Lewis

Very true, yes? As I was trail riding with two of my girls today, I just was reminded of that quote again and the fact that who we are on the inside matters so much more than all the baggage on the outside. I mess up so much, every day- every hour some days- and it feels like the successes and failures define me.

But as I talked with these sweet ones tonight covered in horse hair and dust, and I looked at their young, darling faces- God reminded me that the outside is just icing...the soul that He died to save is who we are. It's what DEFINES us.

In Matthew 16 is says:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?"

It sounds so nice- to follow Jesus. The sticky part is how we do it, by denying ourselves and "taking up" our "crosses". That is so hard, I so very much crave comfort and ease. But I am not going to stop trying. I want to deny the fleshy, "body" that I am currently residing in, and encourage and grow the "soul", the person I REALLY am. Because who I really am isn't defined by how successful or terrible I am at this life, but I am defined by WHO my Father is. I am defined by WHO died to save this soul of mine, and give me life eternal.

(Pictures were from a fun day when I had the chance to celebrate one of my girl's 18th birthday with a horse lesson. Such a great day!)

Sometimes "longing" can be bearable...

2011-10-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

I am going to say it. I am actually excited for autumn. I know, miracles do happen. The clincher was last Sunday. I moved my horses from their summer paddocks into the big barn so they would nice and mud free, and it finally hit me. The leaves changing, the wooly coats and long manes to warm my hands in, the coziness of their stalls and winter blankets. There are some things about fall that can put a smile on my face. Even if the list is short.

I have been spending lots of time with my boy and the book of Philippians the last few days, not necessarily at the same time. The more time I spend with Jordan, the more I "long" for additional time and memories. He is such an amazing person, and so funny. I think about the fact that in two years so much will change, and I LONG to make it stay the same. I see his young man face and I long for the chubby cheeks and quick smile of elementary days.

The dictionary defines longing as : a strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant. I crave so many things, so many people that I love and can't see. In Philippians, Paul "longs" for his "family" too. To want to see someone's face so much, and be separated by distance, time, or sin is just terrible. Being the pessimist that I naturally am, I can hang out in that "longing" stage for far too long. But God is so faithful. He keeps trying to spank the snot out of my bad attitude, and remind me that in the midst of my "longing", I can rejoice and be glad. For He is always near.

Check it out, Pauly just gets done saying how he loves and longs for some peeps and pleading with them to love one another, he even calls them his "joy and crown". Then he states:
" Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your reasonableness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

Would he say that if he didn't think we could do it? Is it possible to long for something and still "rejoice" in the Lord and be at peace? After reading that- I would have to say a resounding YES! And I am so glad God didn't end the instruction there.

Right after that passage, I think God tells us exactly how to cultivate an attitude of joy and peace, rather than one of anxiety and cravings:
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things... And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

Such a nice feeling. I was struggling with angst and discouragement this morning, and yet- the minute I opened up the Book, and saw those words again...peace came. Thank you, Papa. For always meeting us right where we need You. For giving us peace in the turmoil, and the ability to endure when we crave. And not only to endure, but to rejoice- knowing that someday every desire will be FULLY satisfied in You.

I am going to hug that man child of mine and relish every minute we have, reliving all the great memories of the time I have had with him. I will long for him with a joyful heart all my earthly days, because God blessed me like crazy when He made me Jordan's mother...and that's not a bad thing when I couple my desire with the peace of my Savior. No matter where God takes my boy, he will always have my heart so he won't really be very far away. And I am so glad.
(Totally random pictures. I don't get as many photo ops with Jordan- unless you want to see a hundred shots of him in front of the computer playing Starcraft. I have lots of those!)

Trail Rides are pretty awesome.

2011-10-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

We have the best memories of Whipple Creek Trails. Our first adventures were out there, following our amazing trainer all around, Jasmine and Jordan barely school age. Then heading out on our own with the dogs and getting thoroughly lost time after time. Now we know the trails backward and forward, and have been able to share them with so many friends because we have the BEST horses.

Here's a little video of how Jasmine spent the last part of her summer. Soon the mud will be too deep and we will have to stay in the arena until May, but for now- the trails keep me sane and give my girl a reason to smile. The cute boyfriend who is a beast of a rider helps her smile too. ;)

And for my horsey friends, please don't fret. I will be working with them on their horsemanship skills! Hahahahaha! Thank God for tolerant, loving horses.

It's official.

2011-10-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

Fall is here. And I swear I'm not going to hate on it for the next 3 months. I am going to rejoice in the wet. The cold. The gray. The ugly. Really I am.

In my efforts, I shall share a GOOD memory of this lovely season called autumn. When we first started horseback riding, we took classes at Royal Ridges in Battleground. Needless to say, it was a blast. One of my favorites days was blustery and cold, and we had to wait for a long time because the other class ran late.

Can you tell we didn't mind a bit? We still love crunching through the leaves, feeling the cold, fresh air on our cheeks, and being together.

1 Chronicles has an awesome chapter that gives us some tips on how to praise God, and I am so going to use that this week as I try not to grumble. Fall might not be my favorite season, but there is so much that I can PRAISE Him for!

"Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always...
Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!”
Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!
Let the trees of the forest sing,
let them sing for joy before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Cry out, “Save us, God our Savior;
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
and glory in your praise.” -1 Chronicles 16:10,11,31-35

So, gonna go for a trail ride tomorrow, crunch some leaves (if I can find non-soggy ones) and enjoy this time of year! Thank you Lord for life and breath and everything else.

To Give and Take Away...

2011-09-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

First week of homeschooling a Freshman- check. And it wasn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be! I feel so blessed to have the chance to teach my girl again in a formal way. To do lesson after lesson and see her excel, it's going to be so cool. The talks we have are usually hilarious and always awesome.

This is what we came from-

We started homeschooling in second grade for Jasmine, and Jordan's fourth grade year.
Back then, we needed the classroom, books, globes and various paraphernalia that made me feel like I was not short-changing my kids from a quality education by trying to be their TEACHER. (THAT was a terrifying first week for this OCD mom.)

Pretty quickly, I realized how little they needed all the fluff, but how much I did. The organization and curriculum helped me be consistent, and helped them stay on track. But after a month or so, it just became so much FUN!

Now, we have really scaled down. Still love Abeka curriculum for High School, but the books and the kitchen table have replaced the classroom set up in the garage with all the goodies.

I had no idea how much homeschooling this year would mean to me. This last June found me not just losing the best friend I have had since first grade, but a dear sister. When she took herself out of our life, I truly felt such grief...like nothing I have ever felt. I spent the last few months filling my life with distractions and waking up nearly every morning in tears from horrible, vivid dreams that are filled with her. How pathetic is that? It was amazing that this week, I didn't wake up crying even once. I feel like God has healed my heart so I can finally hear, "I give and take away, and it is always for your good...and for My glory. Bless my name." And truly truly, I can say I want to praise Him. I want to praise Him for the heartache that is teaching me compassion. I want to praise Him for my amazing kids that teach me every day what love and persistence can do. I want to praise Him for my marriage that is a mess at times and always a blessing. I want to praise Him for the friendships and family I still have and cherish. And more than anything, I want to praise Him for the way He surprises me.

I've been reading in John again, knowing how much I need to see Jesus right now, and I found something in Chapter 16 that brought me such comfort. Check it out:
"Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:20-22

I just love that. Jesus was talking about when He would be taken away from the disciples, and trying to explain to them what was going to happen. But for me, what a comfort- to know that I will "see" Him again, see Him with my own eyes and I won't remember what this summer even represented. I seriously don't remember at all the pain of childbirth. I don't remember the 22 hours with Jordan, or the 45 minutes with Jasmine. They both are a blur, but I COMPLETELY remember the moment I saw them. Like it was yesterday. And I still rejoice.

How awesome is my God to write that passage in a way that makes sense to me? When is there ever NOT a time that He doesn't DESERVE my praise? I can't think of one hard thing that has touched my life that hasn't show up to be the road to an amazing blessing. Not one thing. Oh, how I love you, Jesus.

So as we start this new season with my amazing girl studying at home again, with hard work ahead and big goals of graduating with a high school and college degree at the same time in 4 years- I choose to say, "You give and take away, blessed be the name of the Lord!" No more being a big baby and complaining about what I have lost, but shouting out all that the Lord has given. Such a nice place to be.

(Just for fun, here's a picture Jazz took, she's got a really interesting perspective.)

Saturdays were MADE for the Sabbath!

2011-09-17T20:26:00.001-07:00

What a day to do NOTHING. Well, we did plenty...of nothing. God is so good to give us the rest we need when we don't realize we need it. I had a full day planned of yard work, trail riding and errands...but when the rain was hitting the roof at 6 am, I decided not to do any of it. I read a great book, cuddled with my family and thanked God for the blessing of life, and salvation, and everything else.

I finally reached the point where I realized things are staying different, and it's a good different. As much as I miss the days when just walking through the DOOR made my kids day perfect, when I could just kiss them and tickle them and all their worries flew out the window- I know those days are gone. I am just not enough anymore, and that is a good thing.

I was reading in 1 Chronicles and God just kept reminding me that EVERYTHING belongs to Him anyways. Oh, that my children could learn that now...rather than tumble around with it when they are adults like I am. Every wonderful and beautiful thing they are given belongs to God, was given by God, and ultimately- He is the one to be praised. Check out what King David said in regards to their "offerings" to God:
"“Praise be to you, LORD,
the God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours...
Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.
“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand."
1 Chronicles 29:10-14

Amen to that! When we feel loved, lonely, strong, weak, beautiful, hideous, full of joy and laughter or with tears of despair in our eyes- Praise Him! Praise Him simply because you draw breath, because He loves you so much. What a comfort those words were to my pathetic self-centered heart. I don't NEED to make all things ok, God has got it covered. He is using everything that touches us- good and bad- to turn our eyes towards Him, and give us a heart of thankfulness like David's.

One of the quotes I put in the birthday scrapbook for my girl was told to me years ago, and I had forgotten it until last week when I started putting the book together.
"Hold all things lightly, and nothing tightly."
It seems silly, but it reminded me that standing- open handed before my Jesus is just about my favorite place in the world. I wish I could remember that ALL the time!

(Spent my night at home alone printing old photos to scrapbook, and thought you would like them too! I had forgotten how little Kirby was!)

A time for...

2011-09-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

Everything. I keep coming back to Ecclesiastes 3 as we move into this next season of life, and the only comfort I can find is that there is a "time for everything under heaven". A time to laugh, a time to mourn...and it's o.k.

My girl celebrated her birthday this week, became a high schooler and starting driving a car. What happened to the chubby cheeks and pig tails that have hallmarked the last 15 years?

She is the happiest, most wonderful friend. She is sunshine and laughter, and joy in the ordinary. So when she's sad it absolutely breaks my heart. The last couple of weeks have been so hard, and for the first time I have seen her struggle with just being "down". Lonely even when she's not, restless and distracted. Not all the time, but enough to make my heart hurt too. Even when she feels crushed and heart broken, she still tries to brighten my day...and that makes her pain that much harder to bear. When I see her tears, how much she misses certain things that have changed...it feels like I can't breathe either. She just tries so hard to love everyone around her, it makes me so sad when others let her down.

Oh, if you knew what my days are like being the mother of a girl like her. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't surprise me with something wonderful. For her birthday, we put together a scrapbook of notes from people who have loved her since she was a toddler. Notes that told her one trait that they loved about her, one way they saw Jesus in her. It was so great to hear what others see. But my favorite was what Steve wrote.

He told her how much he loved her humor, and then reminded me of why she's spoiled rotten. He wrote about his favorite memory, which happened to be how whenever he would try to spank her when she was naughty, she would make him laugh. So they would sit on her bed giggling, and trying to be quiet so I wouldn't freak out. Then they would hug, she would apologize, and he would let her off the hook. Really!?! That's my girl. You can't NOT laugh with her. Thank God she has the Holy Spirit to convict her and discipline her, because apparently we failed miserably! :)

Go give your daughters a hug tonight. Pray that Jesus would be the lover of their souls, he is the One who won't ever let them down. Parents will, brothers will, boyfriends and husbands will- but God, never. Remind your daughters what a treasure they are, and how much you like them.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace...
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart...I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live." Ecclesiastes 3:1-12

Eye-opening...

2011-09-12T16:40:00.000-07:00

What a first week of school! High school is going to be interesting this year, just sayin'.

My man-child really floored me this week with his outlook on life, his attitude, and things I never knew about him. He is trying so much harder at school, which is awesome. Trying harder means he is actually going to turn in his assignments this year. Hurray!

His attitude has gotten better in so many areas, which mean he says "that's just terrible" only 1/3 of the time. Man, I love this guy. He is seriously one of the funniest people I know.

What I didn't know about him is how much he avoids conflict and addressing serious issues. He is usually so dogmatic about things, and I have never known him to not speak his mind, it shocked me to see his discomfort and the "deer in the headlights" look regarding some issues that needed to be discussed. Is the avoidance a guy thing? Maybe. Is it a self defense thing from having a mother who thinks you need to "de-brief" after going to the bathroom? Possibly. Or is he just wired to seek peace even if it means faking things are o.k.? I don't know but he surprised me with his reaction. In spite of it all, it was seriously the best conversation we have ever had. I am so thankful for that.

If you don't know my guy, you are missing out. He's hilarious, and smart and fun. You can catch him with a smirk often, which means he is probably remembering a great joke. He MIGHT share it, depending on if it's appropriate or not. If he deems it's not, he will just keep smirking. He works really hard, and to be honest- if I want something done right at home, I ask him. Things just look nicer if he's done it.

Listening to his heart the other night was so good. We were able to work through so many things, find the evidence that he needed to believe the truths God gives him, and debunk the lies he has been allowing to filter into his mind. He showed courage by choosing to tell a good friend the truth and take a step towards healing. Oh, how proud I am of him. God, do a good work in him- let these truths sit in his heart and change him from the inside. Protect him and fight for him, Lord...and make sure he passes 11th grade! ;)

My mama's prayer:
"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.
(May he) seek you with all (his) heart;
do not let (him) stray from your commands.
(May he hide)your word in (his) heart
that (he) might not sin against you." Psalm 119:9-11

To be fully satisfied...

2011-09-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me how a good day, even a great day, can go bad so fast. We are so easily shaken and it's too bad. I don't know that there is any way to change it, maybe we will always be quick to react, but I am so glad that God doesn't leave us there for long.

As I watched one of my sweet ones cry them self to sleep from a hurting heart, I asked God to never let their compassionate heart grow hard. I had read them Psalm 63 and even in the midst of it all, I smiled to see how the word of God brings comfort and healing...even before we know it.

A dear friend had shared that Psalm with me earlier in the night, and I remember thinking how much I loved the way you can read a passage for years, and for whatever reason it will strike you as brand new and perfect in certain moments of your life. Little did I know at that time God was giving the Psalm to me for my dear one. As we read these words again and again:

"I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:4-8

I heard the promise to my beloved, and saw the light returning. Never do we need doubt that we are alone, never should we stop praising Him for all He does. We truly can be "fully satisfied" when our focus is right, our attitude is hopeful, and we trust our Savior completely. Thank you, Lord, in advance for what you will do in us and for us. And thank you that your mercies are new every morning...GREAT is Your faithfulness.

(Pics are just for fun, made me smile in spite of my "Debbie Downer" post. Today is a new day!)

Oh, sweet words...

2011-09-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness;
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Psalm 23

The comfort these words give to my worried, restless heart. THANK you, Papa. I hope they rang sweet to you tonight too, friend.

Last Nights of Summer...

2011-09-05T01:04:00.000-07:00

"Sorrow and scarlet leaf,
Sad thoughts and sunny weather.
Ah me, this glory and this grief
Agree not well together!"
-Thomas Parsons, 1880, A Song For September

What a summer! I know we have a couple weeks left, and thank God it's going to be HOT! But when I look back at this last season, I literally can't put all the pieces together. It started with crushing news, and has flown by like no other summer before it. I have felt the change in the air, and that might be part of it. This summer has felt like truly the last hurrah of childhood for my little family, and it is so bitter sweet. So much is changing, and changing in a way that can't ever go back. Not bad, just different. So very different.

A part of me wants to dig my heels in and refuse to let life happen. I refuse to let my son make his own choice on what college he attends, what career he selects. I refuse to watch my daughter fall in love for the first time, to decide for herself exactly what she wants her future to look like. Every thing in me wants to stamp my feet and pitch a fit until I get my way- to have everything stay exactly the same and my amazing kids right here, next to me forever.

That's the brat in me. But then I remember- every moment of their lives has been leading us to this. As I have clung and prayed Deuteronomy 6 for my two all these years:
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
I remember, God- they were never mine to keep anyways. You loaned them to me for a season, and oh, Lord, I hope I didn't permanently screw them up!

I went to Frenchman's Bar last week and as I waited for my girl, I had time to just watch the water and be quiet before the Lord. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I could honestly let go of the worry and just be still. I cried over the heartache, I laughed at my silly sentimental whining, and I mourned the changes I see. So much loss in one summer, and yet so much HOPE. I will probably never LIKE sharing my kids with the world, but I don't think I will ever feel THAT sad about it again. It's time to let go, and "let God". To watch the people they are becoming, the beauty in the midst of their flaws, such a privilege.

It felt good to go back to that beach tonight, with a light heart and joyful steps. To sit by the shore and laugh with the teens I adore, and realize that although good things come to an end- there is always something amazing right around the bend. That's just the kind of God I have.

As we gear up for homeschooling this year, SAT's and college prep classes- I am ready. Summer is ending, but Fall is just beginning...and I can't wait to see what God has planned, because I KNOW it's going to be GOOD.
"“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons;
he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him. " Daniel 2:19:22
What a comfort You are, Father. That I can trust You, and know that nothing takes You by surprise. Thank You for always being the One Constant...and thanks so much that I still have a few years to wreak "control freak" havoc on my teens!! Muhahahahaha!

Lakeview Day 5

2011-08-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

I find it slightly pathetic that I feel sad writing the final post for the Lakeview trip. It was an amazing time, but getting back to real life shouldn't be so hard, right? So many of the teens have been raving about it, missing the camaraderie and wishing it didn't have to end, I feel sorry for them. It makes me think of Acts 4, when the church was first starting up. Everyone ate, laughed, and lived together, "All the believers were one in heart and mind...they shared everything they had." Acts 4:32 Makes me want it too...

Final day- "God gives good gifts!" was the key bible point. And how true that is! We saw little people saved forever this week, we made friendships that will last into eternity, and we grew in our faith and our understanding of how the church "body" should work together. The Bible verse was Psalm 139:5 "You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid your hand upon me."

Not one of us deserves a single gift, yet God continues to bless us and love us. No matter what. Hearing so many of our young people struggle with feelings of insecurity and loneliness breaks my heart in light of all we learned this week. How can we tell them, Father, that they are accepted and loved EXACTLY the way they are? Because of Jesus. Prove it to them, Lord. I know You can, and I am believing You- that You will. Help them to look to You first for the approval they so want, to trust you first with their hearts. Everything else is just icing.

We left Lakeview right after lunch on Friday, with tears at times, but wonderful memories and even more amazing friendships. God gave us another gift- the opportunity to spend time relaxing in Bend, OR at one of the most amazing cabin's ever. The family we stayed with took us boating at a beautiful lake on Saturday. The water was pristine, and our time was short but so sweet.

Oh, the jokes that keep running through my mind, the laughter I hear ringing in my ears, the joy that I know the kids of Lakeview felt. So good, and so thankful that God gives us gifts when we don't deserve it. Thank you, Lord. Help our teens to feel and choose to BELIEVE in your amazing love and acceptance every day. God loves you, friend!

Lakeview Day 4

2011-08-22T21:07:00.001-07:00

How horrible is it that my favorite part of this day had nothing to do with VBS? Felida's No Talent Talent Show is the HIGHLIGHT of my week. Oh, I laughed so hard I thought I might break another rib. Our teens are hilarious, and although "management" has informed me I can't post the best video for all to see (picture my son dancing to Spice Girls song "Wanna Be"), I can let you get a little glimpse of the fun:

Needless to say, we laughed, we cried. It was amazing. The girls put on quite the performance as well, and even the staff brought a little comedy to the night.

Thursday is always an awesome day at VBS too- simply because it is the day we share the message of Jesus. So simply, that He came to earth as a man, died to save you from your sin, rose from the dead and wants you to live forever with Him. Oh, how we prayed for the little people of Lakeview to hear that message! And praise the Lord, 6 of the kids prayed to accept Jesus as their Savior today! It was a privilege to be there, and hear the teens who got to pray with them talk about it. There is no greater thing than to know your work impacted eternity for someone. To hear the joy in heaven that morning- oh, I can imagine it!

The Bible point was perfect- "God loves you- No matter what!". The scripture was: "See if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:24
Again, condensed for the kids- but I love the whole thing! How much junk I have in my closets, and yet I can trust that God will seek it out, cleanse me from it and love me...No Matter What.

Thursday was a fun filled day with Jesus doing His thing, hilarious music, funny skits, and time to love each other like we never have before. Best day of the week! We also did the "Man Catching Deodorant" Survey for our freshman guys, and after establishing the winner as Teen Spirit Pear fragrance, one of our youth leaders gave the piece of trivia that it is a true fact men prefer fragrances that smell like food, while women would choose floral scents. In response, our mature, wise, Senior team member stated: "There you go- to catch a man, girls should just rub fried chicken in their pits."

Bahahahahahaha!!! Oh, I love my life! (This picture is slightly disturbing, but the teens love it. This guy actually made it his profile pic on Facebook! Gotta love a good sense of humor!)

Lakeview Day 3

2011-08-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Wednesday in Lakeview! Today the Bible point was "God Watches Over You!" and I think all the little monkeys loved the theme and Bible story. They got to go inside a giant "whale" and hear about Jonah, play crazy games and laugh with their teen leaders. It was so fun.

The scripture was from Psalm 139:12, and although their verse was significantly condensed, but I can give you the whole thing:
"And the light around me will be night, even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as day. Darkness and light are alike to You."

I love the idea that nothing is a surprise to God, and nothing need be feared when He is beside You. As we gear up for the school year and all that entails, I just felt comforted as the kids shouted their Bible point, "God is watching over you". It is such a different place- to be parenting teenagers, one who will be moving on and out in just 2 short years. Remembering this verse is really helping me see my changing role- less "commandments" for my kiddos and more guidance, encouragement and prayer.

I just keep coming back to "Lord, enlarge their hearts for YOU." when I pray for all our teens. Truly, truly- if their heart is one that seeks God first and MOST, they can't go wrong.

This morning did give me a wonderful opportunity to work with a few of the teens on the importance of forgiveness and believing the best in each other. I think so often, if we just choose to believe that another person has "good intention" towards us- more than half the time, we wouldn't get hurt by misunderstandings. It was awesome to see young people CHOOSE love and forgiveness, over gossip and bitterness. I wish as adults we did that more often and so quickly. God bless you and keep you, friend!

Lakeview Day 2

2011-08-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday we had VBS to do in the morning and the Middle School Event in the evening. Very good to be busy and feel productive. One of the boys summed it up really well when he heard what was being served for meals this day: "Corn dogs and pizza in the same day!?! It doesn't get any better!" Doesn't take much to motivate us!

The point today was "God listens to you!" with the verse from Psalm 139:4:
"Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it all." The kids all enjoyed the Bible story today and VBS went so smoothly, it was unreal. I literally had NOTHING to do this morning, our teens worked so efficiently and were such great leaders. They did it all!

Such a comfort to remember that God listens to us, always and anywhere. Our Senior team member taught the lesson for the Middle School Night based on Matthew 5:13-16 to encourage the local teens to become involved, and not allow their "light" to be hidden but to start making a difference in their community. It was such a strong lesson, especially coming from a boy who I see as having one of the greatest servant's heart I have ever seen.

Another "God Stop" this night was the worship time the teens planned for the middle schoolers. Our high schooler that led worship wanted to clearly help the kids see that to God- they were perfect and acceptable because of Jesus. So the team prepared some wonderful songs, and a special solo that hopefully helped them feel the love of God...Who will love you "for you" every single minute. Here's a little clip:

Thank you, Lord, for the way you love us. And thank you for speaking to my heart through the mouths of your children...please help every single one of our teens know and understand how wonderfully perfect they are to you...that Jesus died and rose again so they could live in that freedom.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them,they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:16-18

Lakeview Day 1

2011-08-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

YES! What an awesome time we had in Lakeview, OR this year! Putting on a Vacation Bible School, night events for the local teens, and building amazing friendships amongst our Christian brothers and sisters. Oh, Lord- you are good!!

The theme for VBS this year was "God is WILD about you!" with a focus on Psalm 139. I so hope our teens saw that God is wild about them, just the way they are.

Day 1 was specifically "God Made You." with the bible point from Psalm 139:14. One of our favorites, yes?
"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

The road trip down was smooth and filled with hilarious road trip music, debates about the virtues of country verses rap, and by Monday we were all ready to start working!

More than anything, I prayed that our teens would connect as a team- we had kind of a random group, with lots of freshman, 1 sophomore, a few juniors and one senior. We even had a high school graduate working with us. God did His thing, and I couldn't believe how well everyone got along and how quickly they all realized how much they had in common. New friendships were formed and the feeling of family was there from the very first day.

Played some Righteous Ball, explored the local mountain and praised God for His faithful provision. How wonderful is it that he always knows exactly what we need, before we even ask it? He put together this group of teens from the beginning...and it was good.

Campfires, jet skis, sunshine and bruised ribs...what more could a girl want?

2011-08-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

Quick update before Lakeview next week! Looking forward to seeing what God is going to do through our teens as they work and play together, and I will share all the God Stops with you in a couple of weeks.

We spent the week at Ike Kinswa and it was so much fun. Steve and I both couldn't believe how much we needed the vacation. No phones, no Internet, just family and friends; water and sunshine! Ahhhhhhh....

(Not to mention Steve fished like a mad man- actually meeting his limit one day with 5 fish in just a few hours!)

Coming home last night, my girl and I had the opportunity to just de-brief and talk, and she gave me such a God Stop with her words. I spend more than half my day worrying about her, and the other half laughing at her. She is so fun and silly most of the time, I cherish the moments when she is just raw and real. Even through her tears- when she is willing to share a glimpse of the beautiful heart for Jesus God has given her- those moments absolutely takes my breath away. As she talked of her desires, and her convictions- repented of sin and prayed to live bigger for Jesus, I just wanted to shout "Thank YOU, LORD!" It reminded me that every step we take is a journey, and although we will struggle this side of heaven, our future is secure. What a wonderful promise.

I have been spending a lot of time in 2 Peter the last month, and my heart just keeps hearing "moral excellence". In 2 Peter 1:5-7, Peter lists the things that we should be "DILIGENTLY" adding to our faith daily- "moral excellence, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, love". Yeah. I know. Man, do I fall short. But that wasn't the part I have been hanging on to. The wonderful part comes next. As we continue to work and strive for these qualities, he says:

"For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ...For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."2 Peter 1:8-10

That's what my girl and I wanted last night. To live lives that are effective and productive for Jesus...to truly KNOW Him in the deepest sense of the word. To not stumble because of our ugly sin nature, but to overcome it all and please our Lord. We will keep pushing and trying to build "moral excellence" and all the rest in our lives, because we desire so much that "rich welcome". Oh, happy day that will be!!! Mind boggling to think about...

God bless you and keep you, may He be your comfort and your peace and I so pray that He enlarges your heart to love and know Him better. <3

"We are going for the ILLUSION of clean..."

2011-08-04T19:46:00.001-07:00

Summer is literally my favorite season. I don't know if it is the blue skies, or the flowers, or the water...I just love summer. My garden has been some what neglected as of late. Due to a couple of people...let's just call them "teenagers"...who keep crazy schedules and are far too distracting. But it still feels good to have fresh flowers in vases, color all around and weeds to pull for a couple more months.

As I have been playing with my kiddos, I have been worrying for them too. There is so much that is changing, and so fast. I get caught up in the details of it all, and God was good enough to remind me this Sunday that it's not the "details" that cause us to fall. It's the HEART. Our intern, Tyler Walsh, gave a great message about how we all want to look good on the outside, but our insides are crap. (He said it much more eloquently, you can listen to the message here.)

But basically, in Acts chapter 5 we read the story of a dude, Ananias and his lady, Sapphira. They are part of the first church of Christians and they want to show off their "godliness" and generosity by giving a buttload of money to the church after they sell off some land. Here's the catch- they decide to lie to everyone and say they gave 100% of the profits, but really they keep some back and only give a portion. SOOOOO dumb, yes? Guess what happens?

"Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him. " Acts 5:3-6

WOW. The first thought I have is "Sucks to be you." But truly, aren't we all like that? How many times do I get bent out of shape because of something my kids do- not because of the damage it causes to their character, but because it embarrasses me? Because it doesn't "look good from the street"? Oh, Lord! Never again let me have a heart like Ananias and Sapphira. Who cared more about appearances then they did about You. Who lived half-hearted lives and ran after pathetic treasures when they already had the best gift of all.

It just keeps coming back to me this week that my panic lately is rooted in self-centered pride. My prayer should not be that my kids do everything "right"- get into the right school, find the right job, marry the right person. My prayer should be that their hearts would be CRAZY for God and His work- that their goal should be to share the gospel and live a life so PLEASING to God, everyone around them can't help but notice the difference. THAT leads to health in all the other areas. And you know what, when my focus is not on "the details" of life but rather the qualities of life, the panic disappears. <3

Lord- help us all to "run the way of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart." Psalm 119:32 That's what ultimately makes the difference between a good life and a great one. Our heart...

And by the way, the wife, Sapphira, drops dead too. Seriously. Crazy stuff.

This grandma is my hero...wicked sense of humor!

2011-08-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

Needed a laugh today, and thought you might too.

I seriously wished I could pull this stunt today. All day.

To have "courage"...

2011-07-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

"Courage is not simply ONE of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point..." -C. S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis is kind of amazing. In the best times, it doesn't take any effort at all to get up, go to work, love your family, give and serve and laugh. In the worst of times- all our best qualities seem so much harder to show, and it truly takes COURAGE just to get out of bed and face the world. It takes courage to love those who won't love us back. It takes courage to want to make a difference in a world that doesn't seem to care. It takes courage to be patient in anxiety, loving in anger, faithful in despair..the list goes on doesn't it?

I had a wonderful talk with my son thanks to John Mayer of all people. We both love his song "Waiting on the World to Change", hate his ridiculous political agenda and laugh every time we see his picture- his voice should belong to a beautiful, old black man but instead we get JOHN.

Anyways, the way Mr. Mayer hooked us up was with the topic of "changing the world". To have the opportunity to hear a little of my Man Child's heart, and to realize I need to PRAY for him to truly- have the courage to change his world. To have the COURAGE to not be complacent, live bigger and make a difference, even if no one is watching. We heard a wonderful sermon on Sunday about courage as well, and it reminded me of this quote from Abraham Lincoln:
"You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence."

If I want my Jordan to live courageously- am I giving him opportunities to develop "initiative and independence"? As a total "helicopter mom" who hovers and controls EVERYTHING, I don't know that I have. :( But I want to change that. My son is absolutely amazing, and instead of praying that he just doesn't screw up his life- I want to actively be praying that he grows in his passion and love of Christ. That he would stand COURAGEOUSLY for something he believes in, and oh- may he believe BEST in You, Lord!!

So thank you, John Mayer, in spite of the fact that I can't stand you. Thanks for bringing an opportunity to talk with my son about things that matter not just for this world, but for eternity.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Patience- A virtue? I think not.

2011-07-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

The quote that keeps coming back to me as PURE TRUTH:
Definition of:
"Patience, noun. -- A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue." Ambrose Bierce

Just Sayin...

Summer is here...in spite of the weather. Really.

So I will stop reading Bitter Ol' Bierce's "A Vision of Doom: Poems by Ambrose Bierce" and start looking for the moments that take my breath away. My son provided me with an AMAZING God Stop this morning, I adore that kid. I hope you saw God today too, friend.

Owl City rocks my socks off...

2011-07-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

"Oh telescope, keep an eye on my only hope,
Lest I blink and get swept off the narrow road
Hercules, you've got nothing to say to me,
'Cause you're not the blinding light that I need
For He is the saving grace of the galaxies!"
Adam Young- Owl City "Galaxies"

So much to say and so few words to say them. Instead of processing a bunch of emotional rubbish- I thought you should have the chance to just ENJOY what I saw last night too. Of course you won't be able to feel the energy in the air or the ground actually SHAKING from the music and dancing- but Owl City is just too amazing NOT to share. I have just been indulging in all that is awesome about this musician, and thanking God for flip cams- re-watching the videos is just a reminder of an amazing time. I LOVED this show, and more than anything- I loved the quiet message that God is speaking to me. If this truly was my last moment on earth, what would I say to you, my King?

“The LORD is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
...I will exalt him.
The LORD is a warrior;
YAHWEH is his name." Exodus 15:2-3

(Here's the artist speaking about what the song meant to him and why he does what he does.)

A time to hope...

2011-07-14T05:46:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to be completely at peace in the midst of a struggle? I keep going back to that passage that says "that we might lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way." (1 Timothy 2:2) and realize there is very little "peaceful" or "quiet" about my life. And absolutely nothing "dignified". This last 2 weeks the rare moments of quiet I have been able to find, early in the morning with my Jesus, laying in the backyard with my flowers- all those moments have been riddled with tears and pleading prayers. Nothing really quiet about that.

I suppose it always falls back on the choice. The choice to believe God. To CHOOSE to hope in Him, trust in Him, love Him, and know that He is good and faithful and kind. It amazes me how God uses the strangest moments to teach our hearts. One of our teens reminded me so gently this week that "we are just waiting for the rapture", and that is where my eyes should be. And another of our college girls posted a passage from Hebrews that I have just been going back to again and again- and it brings me joy every time I read it:

"You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. For they heard an awesome trumpet blast and a voice so terrible that they begged God to stop speaking...
No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering...You have come to God himself, who is the judge over all things...You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people..."” Hebrews 12:18-24

How cool is that? That we have not been called to a "Mountain of Doom" as in the past- rules and legalistic religion. But we have been called to a "Mountain of JOY", a relationship with the living God who comforts us and loves us and stands in the gap between our sin and God's righteousness. That we might be saved and live fully. Soooo good.

Thank you, Father, for using the most unexpected people to draw my eyes to Your truth. Thank you that while our hearts are breaking over hurt and the destruction of families we love, You are not surprised or unaware. You are with us and have promised to never leave or forsake us. You are a God of forgiveness and redemption. Oh, how we praise you for that, my King!

Pictures were just to give you a smile- we had a wonderful 4th of July in spite of all the junk, and it was filled with fun, laughter, good food and of course fireworks!

And thank you for laughter, these smiles always make me think:
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. " Psalm 71:14-15

"Que Paso" is pretty cool...

2011-07-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Wow. God so blessed my heart tonight. After a week of such heartache, to have the chance to pray with my sistas and then come home to this dear girl's post- God, you are far too good.

Follow Que Paso?!, well worth your time! I have followed her for awhile and although she posts infrequently- when she does, her wisdom is beyond her years in regards to relationships and seeing God in the tough stuff. She is and always will be near and dear to my heart, and I know God is going to grow her into a Proverbs 31 woman.

Vancouver Rodeo hit the spot!

2011-07-03T06:19:00.000-07:00

Two much needed days of gardening and horse flesh. What a weirdo I know, but oh- how thankful I am to have had the break! Some of our friends work their tails off each year to get the 4th of July Rodeo together at the Clark County Saddle Club, and we get to reap the benefits with free tickets!

Friday night was a Girls' Night for a dear friend of mine and our daughters, and Saturday Steve came and got to watch tons of bull riding which is his favorite. I of course hardly notice anything besides the horses, and I was particularly smitten with the buckskin horse of one of the pickup cowboys. Man, that horse could move and was SOOOO responsive. Yeah, I am still drooling.

Lots of horses, bulls, steer and leather- just what the doctor ordered for this little heart. As I sat in the stands surrounded by thousands, it felt so good to realize that each person had their story that night and God was completely aware and in control of it all. None of our junk shocks Him or overwhelms Him, and He absolutely loves us...in spite of us. It was refreshing to feel His pat on my shoulder, and to know that tomorrow is a new day. And God will always give me reasons to praise Him through it.

We were reading Galatians 6 the other day, and it has one of those passages that you love to hate. I love it, because it is so true- and truth is what I need to make the choices that will count for eternity. But hard because it also makes it clear- I "made my own bed- now you gotta lie in it", and grumbling about the consequences does absolutely no good. It is so hard for me to see families fall apart, marriages be filled with ugly...and not be able to "pray" the people I love out of it. But ultimately, we all have the choice in how we respond. And that is so freeing. I know that God is going to do His thing and in the end "work all things for the good of those who love Him". Here's to praying that He does it sooner than later!!

God bless you and keep you. May His love feel real to you today, even in the littlest things. For me- it's rodeos and horses and pretty flowers that remind me how much my Savior loves me. Whatever it is for you, embrace it for the moment you have it and thank your Papa for knowing and loving you best.

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people..." Galatians 6:7-10

We will make you a cool video for a recap, but had to add one for now of the Pickup Cowboy's other amazing horse- a big black that you could ride with no reins I bet. He has done a great job with his cow horses. The things those horses can handle!!!

Sweet Al's is some YUMMY stuff!

2011-07-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

Had to drop an ad for some great sauce! We went to the Vancouver Rodeo yesterday and I decided a teriyaki chicken salad was just right for dinner!

Wow, was it awesome! Steve and I had to get a bottle of their sauce as well, and we are going to make some chicken skewers to bbq with it.

Go to www.SweetAls.com and you can order a bottle, or set up a catering event with them. They also work at farmers markets and things in the area, so if you are local you can check with them to see where you can try some for yourself. SOOOOOO good, and the cooks are very clean and professional. Very important for someone like me, who can barely handle eating at most outdoor vendors due to their nasty hygiene and food handling skills!

It helps that the staff are just cuties, and I remember these guys when they were just little- bopping around the barn with my kids! What a great family business that we can support!

2011-06-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

How terrible am I that I am loving a little break from being a wife? Steve is fishing like a mad man with buddies, and I am free to do ANYTHING I want ALL DAY LONG. I sometimes forget how much I really like being by myself, and being irresponsible!

I suppose in reality I have still had home and parenting responsibilities, but I have also had the time to trail ride for 2 hours, read some Ted Dekker books, and just stare at my flowers and thank God for the mercy He has for this sinful daughter of His.

As we were talking last night, God just gently encouraged me that it is ok to tell Him how unfair I think life can be. Watching families around me come apart at the seams breaks my heart, and I just feel so mad about it sometimes. And that makes me think I don't have enough faith. Which I hate. But then God showed me this Psalm and I suppose if David, a "man after God's heart", King of all Israel, mighty man of faith; had the same apprehensions, I am not in such bad company. And my favorite part is at the end- where we ultimately put our trust is all that matters.

"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me." (Psalm 13:1-6)

God bless you with some sunshine today, friend. May He comfort and quiet your heart with the knowledge that He LOVES you, and is GOOD to YOU. Even when you can't see it right off.

Promotion Day!

2011-06-21T21:53:00.001-07:00

Goodbye Middle School!

Jasmine is finished with 8th grade and it has left the most surreal feeling in my heart. I feel so GLAD to be done with this part of parenting, and so proud of my girl...but at the same time, it's a sad thought to truly have said goodbye to everything that marks childhood. She really is a teenager now, on the verge of womanhood and all that entails.

I know I am being dramatic- my girl is still going to sit on her roof and write stories, and play silly childhood games with her best friends who don't care that she's suppose to be "mature". She will still want to ride bikes to the country store to buy disgusting candy and play Littlest Pet Shops with her cousin. But it is different now, and I can tell the changes are going to stay.

Today was a milestone, and a special one. Here's to not looking back and focusing on all the wonder of what lies ahead. It reminded me of when Jasmine was just a little girl, about 7 years old. I was having a terrible day- Nursing finals, homeschool testing, my car broke down when I was on my way to clinicals, just life. When I came home and was cleaning the dishes, my Jazz came up and handed me a card she made. She had written our memory verse from Bible time and a sweet note to me. Oh, how she blessed my heart that day:
"I love you, Mama. Always remember "With my God, I can scale any wall!" 2 Samuel 29:30

Oh, how I still treasure that card, spelling errors and all! Never forget, my friend- with our God, "we can scale any wall!"

"You, LORD, are my lamp; the LORD turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. “As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." 2 Samuel 22:29-31

"Spray and Pray"...Machine guns and love, what a combo!

2011-06-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned lately that I love my husband? Even though half the time I drive him crazy (alright, alright- 75% of the time), he never fails to give me exactly what I need.

I was fretting as usual last week when Steve calmly turned to me and said plainly, "Spray and pray, baby. Spray and pray." Say what? Momentarily speechless (it does happen), I just stared at him and he just looked back at the road and continued driving along his merry way.

Well, really. I had to ask for an explanation and once I got it, I just laughed out loud. Apparently, Steve had hear this phrase years ago about epic machine gun battles. When you are pinned down and have nothing else you can do, you just stick your arm out of the hideout and "spray" bullets and "pray" you hit something. Steve felt that this would be the most appropriate thing to say to me in the midst of my rantings, and it worked. Now, I haven't decided if he just wanted to startle me into silence so he could turn up the radio without being rude- or if he actually had thought it was the perfect motto for me. I never can tell with this guy. But what I can say...was yet again, it was just what I needed to hear.

As we talked about the idea, he reminded me that ultimately all my worrying for others was doing no one any good. Myself, my family, or the hurting. He said that if I would just "spray" all the love that I COULD out on every person I connected with each day, and "pray" that God would do what He wanted with that love...guaranteed everything would work out just dandy. I love that burly man. Leave it to him to identify heavy gunfire with love and kindness! So good.

Oh, the peace that settled on my heart that day. And ever since, when I start to panic and try to plan WHAT I need to do to make a difference, God just gently reminds me to "Spray and Pray, baby."

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves....Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need." Romans 12:9-13

First thing of value I ever found on Tumblr...

2011-06-15T00:41:00.001-07:00

Loved this when I saw it. Love that it's written in a teenager's print, and I can't help but wonder what a heart God is creating in this young person...

It's funny how when God keeps you up late to pray, He never fails to teach you something. Oh, how I love our Jesus. My peanut brain can not fathom His ways.

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe." 1 Timothy 4:8-10

I've posted this verse before, but since it's one I have been working on, it bears repeating. :) God just keeps reminding me to TRUST Him. To believe Him, and to rest in His plan. Such a comfort when I see the peeps around me that I love so much hurting and trying to "do" this thing called life. Help them to believe Your "trustworthy saying", Lord.

Great poem for this generation!

2011-06-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Thinking about all the lies that attack our teens, and this kid has a fantastic way of putting it. I hope they hear it!

Joy in the Morning!

2011-06-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

Joy in the Morning

As we make it to the top of the hill
and look behind at where we've been,
It's hard to believe we made it, but here we are at last.
Taking a look at what awaits us beyond the next ridge,
Helps us to realize that our lives have been extremely blessed,
by the lives we have touched and the lives that have touched us.
Knowing that the places we will go
will far exceed the places we have been.

So look to the mountains from them we will get our strength,
The places that we have been can scarcely hold a light,
To the joy that will come in the morning from the tears we have shed tonight.

Grace M. Jordan © 2001 poem

Such a promise to know that even when we can't see the end- we know it is "just around the bend". Worry has been a significant part of life the last few weeks, and yesterday evening was a much needed reprieve for an hour. Thank you, Ned with Vision NW Photography for giving of yourself and taking photos of my beloveds. I see their faces every day and sometimes forget to enjoy the wonder of how amazing they are, and how fast they grow up. Lord, thank you for my children- for all our children who are growing and changing...hold them close and show them who You are!

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, LORD my God...But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:2-6

My kids are great sports! Picture after picture they "grin and bear it", so there had to be SOME silly moments!

"Identifying the beginning is easy...

2011-06-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

but when you are in the middle of Depression, the end is almost impossible to see." -Aaron Chidester, President, Executive Director- Unite4Life

We had the opportunity to see a presentation for Unite4Life this week and I am so glad we did. We knew that depression was something that could effect the teens in our life, but we had no idea how frequently or how severe it can be. Look at the stats:
1 in 4 teens will struggle with a bout of depression this year.
1 in 7 will seriously consider suicide.
1 in 12 well attempt to commit suicide this year.

In the last 10 years, approximately 50,000 teens have taken their own life.

If that doesn't wake us up, I don't know what will.

Take some time and go to the link so you can educate yourself on the signs of depression and how to handle it. I think the speaker's biggest point was we all HAVE to go out of our way "to show we care".
He did a great job sharing stories and making the talk relevant to the teens in the room, and I am praying he can get into the schools and share truth on that level. Our kids need to hear that they are NORMAL when depression happens, and it WILL pass. That is the hardest thing to see in the midst of it.

Chidester also spent time explaining what types of depression teens can struggle with and the role drugs and alcohol play on their systems. We have to fight for the next generation, friends. Don't let them walk around feeling alone and in despair. Doesn't matter if you are too busy, too awkward, or too old- find a teen and let them know you care. This is a matter of life and death.

I have been so ticked at the Enemy of our life, for the way he deceives and steals hope. Then I was reminded of Nehemiah. In the beginning of this book, Nehemiah was moved to rebuild Jerusalem, as big as the task might be. As things start to pan out and the gaps in the wall are being repaired, Sanballat, a Samaritan leader, gets angry that the Jews should prosper and get their city back. In the midst of the heat of the day, with sweat and exhaustion as their constant friend, the people find out that Sanballat and the Samaritan army plan to come and attack them and destroy their work, if not take their lives! Listen to what Nehemiah says to his friends, “Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” Nehemiah 4:14b

That is our charge, dear ones! This chapter also says "During this time, none of us—not I, nor my relatives, nor my servants, nor the guards who were with me—ever took off our clothes. We carried our weapons with us at all times, even when we went for water." 4:23 Are we willing to be that prepared? That tired? Are we willing to do whatever it takes to makes sure the teenagers in our lives know how special they are and that the "Great and Glorious Lord" loves them and died to save them? Oh, how I pray it will be so! That our community would wake up and "fight" for them!

God bless you and keep you. Above all else,
"I remain CONFIDENT of this:
I will see the GOODNESS of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and WAIT for the LORD." Psalm 27:13-14

See ya later, Ruth! We will miss you until we meet again.

2011-05-31T05:19:00.000-07:00

It was 1998 and this Women's Retreat was to be full of firsts for me. It was the first time I had ever left my children over night. It was the first time I had ever gone to a "Women's Retreat". It was the first time I found I couldn't keep from crying in public. And it was the first time I realized I could smile... A LOT.

Some history- 1998 was the year I became a Christian- accepting Jesus Christ as the only One who could save me from my sin. Before that, I had always been the tough girl who did her own thing and didn't give a rip what you thought of it. I had had two children outside of marriage, I liked to party and fight and thought that "religion" was something people did because they didn't know what life was REALLY like. Yeah- did God ever blow my socks off that year.

This was also the first time I met Ruth F. She was an older lady at church who was in a ladies discipleship program I had joined and my church planned a retreat for all of us to learn about healthy boundaries, refresh our spirits, and worship God together. I went to this retreat with so much apprehension. I didn't fit in with ANYONE- I didn't talk like these "Christians". I didn't dress like these women, and I certainly didn't think I thought like these people. But I felt so strongly that I should go.

Needless to say, God knew why I needed to be there. It truly was a turning point in my life and the beginning of a lifelong healing. I received more hugs, acceptance and love in that one weekend than I ever had before. These women were strangers to me- yet they were sisters. They were completely bizarre to me- yet they were such a comfort. I think I cried liters that weekend as God changed me completely, and I have never looked back. I smile all the time now, probably too much. I love life and people and instead of being the tough girl that "didn't cry no matter what", I cry like a baby over the most ridiculous things.

And I can still remember distinctly the moment all those changes happened during this retreat.

We were sitting at the round lunch table, probably about 8 ladies and as I looked around at the gray heads surrounding me, I felt so awkward. Friday night had been interesting and uncomfortable, but I was glad I came. I listened to these ladies talk about their families, children, life and love and I started to feel so stupid. Stupid because I didn't understand why they did the things they did. Stupid because smiling and love didn't come naturally to me like it seemed to for them. Stupid because I couldn't tell Bible stories or remember verses like they could. And I just started crying. Right there at the table like a big goomba. Not moaning and groaning, just tears streaming down my face. And that's the moment Ruth stepped into my life and I will never forget it. The whole table was being all lovey dovey to me and trying to comfort me as I blubbered out why I was so upset. "I just feel so behind- I'm 22 years old and I have wasted my whole life. I don't know how I will ever catch up to the faith and understanding you guys have of Jesus. It makes me feel so sad and lost."

Quiet Ruth looked me in the eye in her matter of fact way and said, "Well, you know, I was 27 before I became a Christian. So you are way ahead of me, dear." Bahahahaha! Talk about shutting things down! In her simple, honest sentence- she completely cured me of my self pity and gave me hope. We all started laughing and the ice was broken forever. Ruth opened the door to something I hadn't really considered. My life was just beginning and God had a good plan and purpose. She didn't laugh at me for being so dramatic, or tease me for my silly youth. She just said matter of factly, that God wasn't nearly through with me yet and I needed to gain some perspective.

Over the years we would make small talk and I would give her a big hug every time I saw her. She probably had no idea why this weird little Asian girl always stared at her and wanted to hug her, but it didn't matter. She let me anyway. After we moved back from AZ, I found that Ruth had gotten old. She never seemed old to me- when we were volunteering at New Heights together, or she was driving around all the old ladies who didn't have licenses anymore- she was always so busy. But now, she had finally slowed down. I still looked at her with awe, and loved to see her sitting in church next to her daughter- just staring at the back of her head and smiling in remembrance.

Ruth met Jesus face to face yesterday, May 30th, 2011. And I so wish I could have seen her quiet sweet smile when she looked at Him ...right in the eye, for the first time. I am so GLAD God let me know this woman, and I am so glad that I shared this memory with her daughter a couple years ago so she could explain it to Ruth before it was too late.

It makes me sad to know I won't ever see her little body with a big presence here on earth again...but I am so happy for her. No more pain, no more struggle...nothing but walking and talking with Her Father. The one who saved her at 27 and grew her and taught her and loved her every day of her life. Oh, Ruth- I love you, sister. I still hope someday to catch up to your faithfulness to Jesus...I want to grow up and be just like you. Thank you for always cutting to the chase and for seeing things so clearly. Can't wait to have lunch with you again soon... <3

"No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:3-5

Cheap Entertainment on a Friday Night....

2011-05-28T02:09:00.001-07:00

Editing videos. I love looking through old photos and cracking up. Now it's even better because Steve got me this software to make videos and it keeps me entertained when I can't sleep. Soooo good.

My girl and her friend, Burrito, have been riding together since the very beginning, and it has been so fun to watch them grow together. Anytime they end up within 10 feet of each other, there is guaranteed to be laughter and tears- because they laugh so hard they cry. I know, right? We should all have at least 1 friend like that. I just love that Jesus has touched both their lives and they are sisters forever through Him.

Hope you enjoy the video as much as I do, and if you ever need a riding lesson- I know two girls who can show you how it's done. Maybe not done RIGHT, but done with FLAIR. ;)

"The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." Proverbs 12:26

Fridays make every other day worth it!

2011-05-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

Too many whiner posts in a row, and I apologize. So instead, I wanted to send you a post of some things that I am thankful for. I realized yesterday thanks to the wise words of a friend, that I am running on empty, and that makes life bleak. But God is good- and all it takes is time well spent with Him, snuggling with His Word to fill me up, and today, my "cup runneth over"!

Thankful for my now SIXTEEN year old- that he loves me in spite of my insanity and is growing into the type of person I would actually want to be friends with.

Thankful for the ability to learn, which keeps life so interesting!

Thankful for my girl who has been stressed to the max with other people's drama and yet she never fails to work hard at loving and comforting everyone around her. She is my joy...<3

Thankful for all the things that make me scratch my head and laugh out loud.

Thankful for ladies who remind me why I'm here!

Thankful God gave us time to watch a little baseball! Love these boys so much, and seeing them grow is AWESOME!

And more than anything, thankful for the time God provides to rest and renew our spirits.

It was such a nice reminder to have God tell me that I MUST be "rooted...in love" for anything to be effective. Thank you Lord, for Your strength and peace. May I never forget again where it comes from, and help me to "grasp how wide, long, high and deep" Your love is for Your children. You will not leave them struck down or destroyed.

Spend some time in 2 Corinthians 4 or Ephesians 3 today, friend. It does a body good. ;)

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesian 3:14-21

If You want me to...

2011-05-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

The valley isn't a nice place, but it's where we grow...

2011-05-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

A week of heartbreak and sorrow for our community and it's impossible to understand the waste and reasons. Two teens with an entire lifetime before them are gone...and it just makes me so MAD. Mad at the Enemy for his deceitfulness and lies, mad at the world for telling these kids they aren't measuring up. And most of all, mad that hopelessness was able to steal their hearts.
Not enough words to express it, but wanted to re-post this poem for those who are in the "valley". It sucks to be there, but even in the worst of times- God has a GOOD purpose for us, to grow and bloom and shine. Oh, Lord- we are going to need SUCH a mountain top experience after the last month. I put all my hope in you, Jesus...

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember,
That it's in the valley I grow,

If I always stayed on the mountain top,
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love,
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn,
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valley I grow.

I do not always understand,
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.
My little valleys are nothing,
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining,
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder,
This it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me,
Lord, And use my life each day
To share your love with others,
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord,
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious,
But it's in the valleys I grow! - Tracy Mayfield

I never want to doubt that God is active, that He cares and that He is good. Lord, grant us your perspective and above all else, grant us more faith to TRUST You when we can't make sense of this life.

"We can't afford to go wrong...

2011-05-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

Oh, Lord! Forgive my arrogance and TEACH us to take you at your Word. Not adding or taking away...Thank you for your mercy and YOUR way of doing things.
(Props to Ron Merrell for posting this and bringing it to my attention.Word, Pastor. :)

"Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. " Isaiah 55:7-9

Hanging out with my "Ebenezer Stone"...

2011-05-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

It has been such an insane couple of weeks, I truly can't even find a place to begin. Mostly I think God has just been reminding me that my Ebenezer Stone needs to be dusted off and "set up". (Click the link if you are thoroughly confused.)When I have felt completely lost, I just kept trying to remember "Thus far, the Lord has helped us."

Why do you think it is so much easier to take your own heartache than to watch others hurt? Is it because with your own, you feel some semblance of control? I just don't know. In the last month, we have dealt with so many things attacking the next generation, the Enemy has been fierce in his quest to make these young ones feel hopeless and ineffective. From alcoholic parents to anorexia, from suicide to drug abuse, from tears of self loathing to cries of shame, violence, depression, surgeries, illness- our teens are hurting. And as I look around at the boy selling newspaper subscriptions, or the girl making sandwiches at Subway, I wonder if they know just how special they are to the One who made them. I wonder if they know how loved they are by the people in their life who maybe don't know how to show it. And more than anything, I wonder...is there any way I can tell them, Lord?

I have been hanging out in Isaiah, just because it is such an awesome book. And God showed me just how cool He really is. In chapter 30, verse 18 says "The LORD longs to be gracious to you, therefore He will rise up to show compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are ALL who long for Him."

Oh, how I long for my Lord. To know that He wants to be gracious and compassionate to me and the people I love so much, and all I need to realize how blessed I am is to LONG for him- what a comfort that has been these last weeks. When I look into the eyes of these hurting teens, I so wish I could help them to understand. Our Pastor said it so well on Sunday...basically that we aren't finished yet- we are just in the middle of our story, but the end is sure. It WILL be a happy ending if we love Jesus.

I wish I could tell them:
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched.
Nor will the flame burn you." Isaiah 43:1a-2

Now, don't get all bent out of shape. I know this is directed at the nation of Israel, but when I read it as a gentile believer in Yahweh, the one true God- it feels like a promise to all of us, doesn't it? If only I could tell all these hurting kids that God has CALLED them, that it is inevitable that they WILL walk through the fire, but He WILL NOT allow them to be burnt up in it...nor even singed. He will bring them out more beautiful and radiant if they choose to LONG for Him. To trust Him. I remember studying this passage awhile back in Beth Moore's Daniel study, and to come upon it now- when I needed the comfort the most was the sweetest gift. Now if God could just show me how to give that "gift" to these little peeps. <3

Needless to say, walking alongside this has put my own piddly problems in perspective. My son can whine about mowing the lawn and my daughter can talk about boys all she wants. I relish their little quirks and small heart aches, because it reminds me that they are alive, and talking (or fighting) with me. It reminds me that they are dealing with life in a healthy way, and it reminds me again...to tell them how much I adore them and how so very proud and blessed I feel to be their mother.

All in all, I am thankful that God is on His throne and He is working His plan. It is the one comfort in the midst of total madness. I am going to go cuddle up with my Lord and have a nice chat, and then tomorrow I am going to dust off that Ebenezer Stone and remember "Thus far the Lord has helped us" and keep my eyes on the horizon. The end of this story is going to be glorious...

"The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the LORD binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted." Isaiah 30:26

(The pics were just for fun- will try to get some horsey updates for you, Cassie is growing like crazy and we have some fun videos of our "sassy" little filly!)

A young "up and come"-er. Check it out and follow!

2011-05-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.spencerbakermusic.blogspot.com/

Just have to say how much I adore this kid. He has a smooth, whisper-like voice but it has a lot of power. So soothing. He is also a beast on the guitar, focusing more on acoustic than electric right now. And more importantly, he is growing in Jesus and I can't wait to see what God does with him. I would post a song I have of his, but not sure if he would be cool with that so you will have to simply enjoy the "heart" behind his lyrics.

Strongly suggest following his blog, not only for his encouragement but so you will know when he finishes his demo. It is going to be GREAT!

He's the little weirdie in the sweater vest! Bahahahaha! Love that kid! This was on our trip to Napa last winter with some of the youth to see Jordan's youth leader marry his cutie. It was an amazing time, and I think life changing for a lot of our teens. Commitments were made, Jesus was glorified. So good. <3

"Living in Oregon"

2011-04-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

So technically, I am not a true Oregonian, as I live 10 minutes north of the border. But growing up in the "Portlandia" metro area, this FB post hit home. Had to share, it was too true! Perfect timing, for my hideous mood due to the rain was overcoming my determination to be cheerful. Another friend posted- "Only in the Northwest would you see someone jogging with a shower cap on." Bahahahaha! Thanks to laughter, I suppose I can tolerate a few more weeks of miserable rain.

THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT 'LIVING IN OREGON '...

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Oregon.

If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Oregon.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon.

If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon.

If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon.

If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon.

If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Oregon. (BAHAHAHAHAHA! You KNOW you've done this, fellow Portlanders! Jay-walking is illegal!)

If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon.

If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon.

If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon.

If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon.

If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon.

If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon.

If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon.

If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon.

If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon.

If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon.

If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon.

If you actually understand these jokes you live or have lived in Oregon.

To be a turtle on a log is a wonderful thing....

2011-04-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

Could Friday have been any more beautiful? I love that I was able to adjust the work day and go sit in the sunshine watching the horses graze for awhile. It made me wish I was a turtle...have you ever noticed that the minute the sun comes out, all these turtles you never knew were in a pond suddenly are lined up in rows on every log they can find- just SOAKING up the rays. What a life they lead!

After my "baking time" in the sun I had to resume real life. And to be honest, it was a tough afternoon. Sometimes the fight and the struggle just feels like it is winning and "Why bother" comes to mind.

The greatest thing though, God gets that. He knew I was discouraged and tired and feeling just a little hopeless. And so he gave me Good Friday. When I took a minute to reflect on all that was "good" about this Friday 2000 years ago, suddenly the world really did look brighter. The best thing I heard at the service I was attending comforted my heart so much...praise You, Lord for always being ENOUGH. Oh, how I love you!

"Your service may please God,
Your worship may exalt Him,
Your study can reveal God,
BUT,
You need never aspire to SATISFY God
because He is completely satisfied in the
work of His Son."

Sunday's Comin'! Woot Woot! The flowers are trying to bloom, the sun is shining, and God is GLORIOUS. It just doesn't get any better...Happy Easter, friend.

Why 87 year olds are cool.

2011-04-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the way a day rolls. It's like what Bilbo Baggins says, "“It’s a dangerous business going out of your door. You step into the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.” That was exactly what God did for me, and I am so glad.

Not so much swept away, but inspired and encouraged. I have been feeling a bit hopeless praying lately. Mostly because I feel like so many people I pray about are lost causes. Horrible, I know. I so easily get discouraged when I look at situations and try to analyze and plan. I go back to Luke 18:1-8, you know the story of the persistent widow, and remind myself that God is good and just, and hears me...I try to see Jesus saying to me, "(Here's a parable)to show (you)that(you)should always pray and not give up." Luke 18:1 And for the moment, all is well. But then I have to pray for them again...and I feel hopeless.

Well, last Wednesday was a day like this. When I arrived to my sweet 87 year old patient's (Mr. Sweet, let's call him) house to do his wound care, I was very BLAH. Spent my drive to east county praying half-halfheartedly and wondering if I should quit and find a more interesting thing to pray about. Like maybe a new Dodge Ram pickup truck. Got inside and settled my big guy into bed, taking the dressings off his feet and telling him jokes.

What you should know about this gentleman is he was a fighter pilot in his day, and speaks with a wonderful Texan drawl. He also is completely, and pleasantly, demented and really can't carry on a conversation but just points to pics of his family and babbles. Real words, but with no rhyme or reason most of the time. His main phrases are "Why, sure!" and "Easy there". Being effected by dementia and a stroke, I see him struggling to find words to tell me what he wants or needs, or about his family- but he can't form them. So he says one or two words, then lays back and stares at the wall.

This day was different, and it was a total God thing. Here I was, doing the mundane and with a dis-interested heart. Mr. Sweet keeps pulling his foot up (making changing his bandage very difficult) until I stare right into his eyes in exasperation. And he proceeds to open his mouth, and in the clearest, richest old man voice...he starts to sing me "Amazing Grace". Every word of the first 2 verses clear and precise. Oh, Lord- you are GOOD. I bet it was fun to see this "know it all" girl's jaw drop. I couldn't hold the tears as I thanked God for His faithfulness in the light of my unfaithfulness. Seeing Mr. Sweet smile at me and sing of God's Amazing Grace was the best moment I've had with the Lord in weeks. No matter how demented, ill, or impaired Mr. Sweet is- the words that must have meant so much to him in youth are still in there somewhere, and he can still sing God's praises. Even better, he can still minister and encourage a weak sister in Christ. Oh, it was good.

As I listened to Mr. Sweet round the chorus again, he smiled at me and said, "Your turn." Hahahaha! No word finding issues there. Those that have heard me sing probably cringe (no one willingly asks me to sing) but sing I did for the audience of Two. And as big as Mr. Sweet smiled, I know God was smiling bigger. Probably laughing at what a goomba of a daughter He has...and feeling my gratitude that He loves me anyways.

I felt like this moment was God's promise that I would always be able to come back to singing His praise for the grace He has given. There is never a lost cause, or a reason to lose hope- because Jesus is REAL, God is on His throne, and the end is secure. And just for fun, Our God is the kind who will use a demented, stroke effected, 87 year old Texan to take this little girl to Sunday School one last time. <3

(Pictures are just for fun...Spring Break beach trip that was too short but so refreshing. There are a few good things about the Northwest.;)

Cassie's first week!

2011-04-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

Oh what fun this little horse is!

Spring Thaw 2011

2011-04-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

Just a few days after our excitement over a new baby foal, Jordan and I were off to the Multnomah University campus to ride Mario Karts, Segways, shoot paint balls and ride in a hot air balloon. But that wasn't even the best part! The students and faculty at this particular Bible School had organized an amazing event for high schoolers to learn more about their true "Mission". And it was awesome!

The hot air balloon was grounded due to weather, but great times were had in all the other areas of the campus. In my heart, I absolutely did not want to be there. Having a little filly in a boarding facility that was short on staff, and the one stall cleaner who was around knows nothing about horses, was just slightly terrifying for this Control Country girl. Not to mention with Cassie's neck lump and funny legs, I was extra cautious. But as usual, God knew better than I. Spending these 3 days with our youth was the best! I love laughing with the girls and hearing their stories. I had the opportunity each night to pray for them as they chatted in their sleeping bags, and ask God to shine truth and wisdom into their lives as they navigate the mine fields of high school and beyond.

God was so gracious to me too! He had this event happen 20 minutes from my house, so I could sneak out at 5 am each morning and go check on my little baby horse. He truly gave me the best of both worlds this weekend.

The big theme was focused on the fact that we are ALL on mission right now, not just to live on earth and take up space, but to actually look around ourselves to a world that that needs Jesus. They had Dan Kimball as speaker, Aaron Gillespie as worship leader and even a Stellar Kart concert Saturday night just for fun.

I can't know what each student came away with this weekend, but I can know that God's word never goes out and returns empty. I so hope that the teens walked away realizing how blessed they are to know Jesus...and wanting to share Him with others.

"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9:35-38

11 days old and going strong!

2011-04-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

(Minutes old)
What a crazy month we have had! I almost feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride everything has been so fast and furious. Right now- if I could just get right side up, I think I might be alright! We spent the last two weeks of March on "foal" watch, as Jazz mare was showing all the signs of impending labor. Praise the Lord, we had a healthy filly at 10:27 pm on March 29, 2011. We just had one false alarm, and as we hunkered down for another night of sleeping in the barn- Rosie delivered!

(12 hours old)
My biggest concern for my sweet girl is that she had contracted tendons at birth and what appears to be a goiter. The vet thought it might be a blocked salivary gland, but this lump is not painful to the touch, or enlarging in any way. Hypothyroidism also can cause contracted tendons- so either mama was too fat, too long in gestation, or baby really does have an underactive gland. The vet comes out again this week to check her out.

(1 day old)
I was just continually amazed at how fast she is growing. One other thing Dr. Johnson said was her tendons would stretch on their own, with exercise and time. I felt like I saw them straightening by the hour!

(1 week old)
This whole adventure has been stressful, but so worth it. Steve adores the little girl, so it looks like we will keep her. Which is best if she is going to have some soundness challenges, but I am just praying like crazy God works all the kinks out so that Cassie has a healthy future. For a horse, usability is truly the key to preventing neglect and abuse.
I know that I have a big God who cares even about the littlest of His creatures. Lord, just use us and give us wisdom as we navigate this new adventure. Help us, help Cassie.
""Do you give the horse his might?
Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
Do you make him leap like the locust?
His majestic snorting is terrible.
He paws in the valley, and rejoices in his strength;
He goes out to meet the weapons.
He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
And he does not turn back from the sword.
The quiver rattles against him,
The flashing spear and javelin.
With shaking and rage he races over the ground,
And he does not stand still at the voice of the trumpet.
As often as the trumpet sounds he says, 'Aha!" Job 39:19-25
(Yeah, we are just a little horse crazy around here!)

Ljubljana Stadium Tonight!

2011-04-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

Passing this along to all- pray! May tonight be the night YOU rock their WORLD, Lord!! <3

"Tonight the final event of this week happens in the capital city of Ljubljana. In faith we've rented the brand new sports arena. (The owners canceled the European handball finals in order to give us the facility!) As soon as you get this, please be praying that people will come. It's a beautiful day here which tends to keep people in their gardens.

Continue to pray for the Holy Spirit to be resting on Nick Vujicic as he prepares for tonight and for his story to penetrate hearts. Many of the young people connected to our ministry will be attending along with relatives and neighbors. We are anticipating a great work of God!

P.S. We know this verse is out of context, but Jer.39:2 says "in the eleventh year of Zedekiah, in the fourth month, in the ninth day of the month, the city wall was broken through." We're praying the walls in the hearts of this city will be penetrated TODAY, 4/9/11." The Wynn's- Missionaries to Slovenia

"The LORD reigns, let the earth rejoice; let the many (lands) be glad. Clouds and thick darkness surround Him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne." Psalm 97:1-2

"Will you give this to my daddy?"

2011-03-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Red Friday- A great idea!! Story written by Paul Moorehead Jr.

"Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.
When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and Cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our Service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old ran up to one of the male soldiers. He knelt down and said 'hi...'

The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her...

The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday - and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red.

By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.

If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED.
The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is.....We need your support and your prayers.

Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example."

This idea started back in 2005, but had to share it. With our family missing a dear member, and watching so many hurting for their loved ones- I will be wearing red on fridays. Hope you join me!

WOOT WOOT!

2011-03-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

The comfort I needed today...thank you, Jesus.

Fear and Faith are like...

2011-02-25T20:37:00.000-08:00

Fear and faith are like...
fire and water?
drinking and driving?
white t-shirts and kool-aid?
diesel gas in an unleaded engine?
tires and nails?
metal and microwave?
laxatives and sleeping pills? (That's my personal favorite.)
What started this rampage was a wonderful quote from dear ol' Scotty: "Fear and Faith are like oil and water. They just don't mix." I think my pastor's example was the most appropriate, but the others sure are funny!
As I sat OBEDIENTLY through the sermon regarding submission, God floored me with this statement. I was more than content to trudge through Titus, or Ephesians, or any other wonderful passage about wives when I heard the introduction. I love a good beating. I need a regular reminder of WHY bossing, nagging, yelling, controlling and haranguing my husband doesn't seem to be very effective. Letting God do the "bossing" of my husband is so much nicer, and it always works out so well. But as I settled into the pew and expected the routine...BAM.

The absolutely unexpected, but very needed reminder. Fear and faith just don't mix. "What does that have to do with submission?!" God knew I couldn't fully submit my will and heart to anything as long as I had fear as my main motivator. I had spent the weeks prior being reminded how much I had to fear, because I keep making a hideous mess of my life, because the world is a terrible, uncertain place...because I am the mother of teenagers- God help me!
And then all in a weekend, God used instance after instance to right my world. My dear cyber/pedicure/horse buddy told me to quite worrying and "look up". My sweet patient who is dying of mouth cancer reminded me that death holds no fear when life has been lived FULL by sending a hilarious card to me. And my pastor totally twists sound submission theology and throws in a "fear and faith" message. ;) Oh, how I love it!

What a weapon we have, to know that when our knees are knocking and we can't sleep for all the fear in our heart- all we have to do is remember who God is and what He has said He would do. When my heart is breaking because I screwed up again- I can remember that "He remembers my sins no more." (Isaiah 43:25) When I am terrified that my kids are wrecking their future, I can remember that "your comfort brought me joy." (Psalm 94:19) And even when I am blowing this whole marriage thing like no one else before me, I can remember that "Your compassion is new every morning." (Lamentations 3:23) If I could just remember JESUS when the fear tries to steal my faith, I would find that "Nothing will be impossible." (Matthew 17:20)

Thank you, Lord, for your timing and your grace. This rotten flu bug is finally going away. The snow is melting and the sun was shining today. The heather is blooming and my Camille bush is trying to. All is right in Your World, Papa. Help me to always remember that and to "not give way to fear".

(And just so you know, I am trying to work on the submission thing too. Reading 1 Peter 3:1-6, I am pretty sure Sarah wouldn't have posted Proverbs 18:22 for Abraham on his side of the bathroom mirror. "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." Maybe I need to take that down now...;)

Made my DAY!

2011-02-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! I needed a laugh today, and hope this gives you one!

I want OUT of the pigsty!

2011-01-25T09:38:00.000-08:00

Having some sun this weekend was wonderful! I literally felt like I could TASTE springtime and all that it brings.

(photo credit to C-Ra. She is amazing with a camera!)

The last couple weeks have had one truly big message to me- GRACE. God has just kept pouring out His love for His children, but I keep looking around at the mess of life and thinking "how did I/we/he/she/they get here?" I am so thankful our Savior is patient- because I don't know how he stands me most of the time! Looking at the troubles of life, it is beyond frustrating to not have the right answers for those I love, or worse- to KNOW the trouble is because I am a stinky little sinner.

I was reading Isaiah 55 and God so gently reminded me that His ways are not mine, so I am going to make wrong turns. His vantage point is not mine, so my "why" questions are understandable. His character is not mine, so I am going to stumble.

But as long as I seek Him, He will let me find Him. And if I will give over my "unrighteous thoughts", He will "have mercy on (me), and... he will freely pardon." (Isaiah 55:6-7)

I hope you pick up the Good Book today and turn to Isaiah 55 and let God comfort your heart too. Maybe you don't mess up as much as I do, but I can guarantee you there are words there that will put a smile on your face.

My good buddy, Alistair Begg (got to be honest-not REALLY my buddy, but a girl can dream) said something this morning that puts it so nicely:
"The grace of God does not come to make us HAPPY in the pigsty of our sin. The grace of God comes to take us OUT of the pigsty!"
Oh, to be free of all sin- done by me or to me! That will be a beautiful day!

" “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts....

...so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.” (Isaiah 55:8-9; 11-13)

I think I can do without the "thud"...

2011-01-15T19:19:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a nice long blog about what is wrong with the world, and then when I got to the end and went to post the verse from Scripture- God reminded me of the truth. Everything is only wrong with the world when my eyes leave His. Oh, what a comfort that thought is! Thank you, Lord, for knowing exactly when to slap me into my senses and using your Word as a never failing flashlight in the dark.

If you are feeling like things couldn't get messier in your life right now, that people are mean little liars and the sun might never shine again- I pray that God would slap you into your senses. :) With all my heart. That sounds terribly indifferent, and I don't mean it to be. I just mean that good things will come, because God is good. It feels so much better to remember that my perspective is not God's- and if I can just trust Him step for step...He will see me through. As He will you, sista.

Anne says it so much nicer, but I think it gives you the drift of what I mean: "When I think something nice is going to happen I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation; and then the first thing I realize I drop down to earth with a thud. But really, Marilla, the flying part is glorious as long as it lasts...it's like soaring through a sunset. I think it almost pays for the thud." (pg 148 Anne of Avonlea L.M. Montgomery)

Hope tomorrow find you soaring! I know I can't wait for "spring" to come again.
"Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
or the strong boast of their strength
or the rich boast of their riches,
but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,” declares the LORD." Jeremiah 9:23-24

Happy New Year! 1-1-11

2011-01-01T14:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, friends. May God bless you with refreshment, intention and a new set of eyes for all that He is, and all that He wants to show you!

No "strangles" for me.

2010-12-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

Timing is everything sometimes. It will never cease to amaze me how spot on God is. You would think it would be a " no duh" type thing, but yet- it still surprises me.

Teens have been giving me a run for my money. Holiday busy-ness has tried to steal my joy. Marriage has not been "roses and daisies" of late, and more than anything- I keep choosing to worry rather than pray. Terrible place to be.

As I was hurrying to work this morning, God reminded me of Martha. You remember her- the sister who gave Martha Stewart her name? (Not really- but you know you always think of it too.) Luke chapter 10:38-42 shares her story. Let's recap:
Jesus and His homies rolled into Jerusalem and had a sweet little lady named Martha, invite them to dinner. The home was comfy and clean, and Martha's sister Mary was so excited to have Jesus there! She sat down right at the Lord's feet- enthralled by every word He spoke. Martha, on the other hand, was setting the table, cooking the roast, rolling out the dough, cutting vegetables, making punch and setting up 3 big, beautiful pies for desert. She didn't hear a word Jesus said- but she certainly had some choice words of her own to share with her stinky, slacker sister! She was completely distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. At last, Martha came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here (on her fat, lazy tail) while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me!!!”
But Jesus looked at her and said, "Martha dear- you are WORRIED about all these DETAILS. Just details, love! Stop trippin' and realize- there is only one thing worth being concerned about. What I have to give YOU. Mary had figured this out, and no one can take it from her."
(Please don't be horrified by my liberties in story telling- go read the actual story. So much better. My version is just what comes out after I have read it. :)

I have always read this and been like "Well, sure. But all you all's bellies would be EMPTY if it wasn't for MARTHA!" Even in this story, I get hung up on the details. But today God reminded me that- whether Peaceful Mary was learning at Jesus's feet (sitting on her butt with idle hands, btw) or Joyful Martha was learning in the kitchen, listening to her Lord's words as she kneaded the dough- BOTH could have been more concerned about the "one thing worth" thinking about.

That was the key- to have the willing and teachable heart. Whatever your bent is. A pastor said today "Worry STRANGLES the divine perspective." As Martha focused and stressed on how to get the "big dinner" on the table and her pats on the back for being Betty Crocker, she missed the best thing. Jesus was in her home- letting her SERVE HIM. Oh, fix my worrying heart, Lord! I want to see people, the world, LIFE- from Your Perspective! I like being Martha- doing, doing, doing. But don't let me be so distracted by the worry, that I miss the essential things. Or give myself a coronary. I don't want to be "strangled" by the concerns of this world..when in the end, you work it all out just right anyways.

So good for me today, and I hope it comforted you too- whether you are Mary, Martha, or some where in between. Hang out with me in Luke tonight, and see what else God has for you.

(And I did make a new reminder sign for the kitchen- "Clean enough to be healthy. Cluttered enough to be happy." My family will appreciate it if I was a little LESS OCD.)

"When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. " Psalm 94:18-19

A very Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

Nothing more important this morning than feeling blessed that I know Jesus...I so hope you do too, friend. There is no better thing than celebrating Christmas morning when you know the reason for the season!

ANYWAY.

2010-12-19T11:10:00.000-08:00

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

(A sign on the wall of Shishu Bhavan- a children's home in Calcutta)

God bless you with a motive like that, friends!

Tamar has my number...

2010-12-11T06:31:00.000-08:00

I hate to admit that I totally get this girl but I do. Taking matters into my own hands and being impatient comes naturally to me. Surprised, right? ;)

I was not in the mood for a lesson from the righteous today. And God reminded me of Tamar. (There are a few Tamar's in God's Word, but this chick has my heart.) The best thing about this story is the evidence of God's grace. Judah was a jerk, Tamar was a lonely woman who decided to do something about it- and yet they both get to become part of the lineage for Jesus- our wonderful Savior and the Son of God! Back up with me and read Genesis 38. (I always forget to mention, if you don't have your own Bible-message me. I have a pile and would love to send you one! And for now, you can look up the passage at www.biblegateway.com)

Tamar married the wrong dude, then due to their really whacked out heritage rules, she gets pawned off to the brother, then she gets promised if she waits- she will get to marry the youngest brother when he comes of age. Yeah- I know. Gross beyond gross, but that's how they swing it back then. (Her husbands kept dying off because they were "evil in the sight of the LORD". I wonder if she was glad- she was the one who had to live with their EVIL!)

Anyways, things just got worse for her after that. She waited alone for awhile, and Judah, her father in law, never kept his promise to give her the next little bro for a husband- even though he was old enough now. I know it sounds weird, but imagine the situation as a woman in a culture where your only worth came from marriage and the production of sons. Tamar had no hope of that now, and no hope of being a part of the lineage of her people- Abraham's descendants.

What she does next is just gnarly- I can't even TRY to describe it. Read Genesis 38:13-19...I'll wait.

Yeah- wow. Can you even imagine the desperation that it would take to bring a "good girl" raised in the strict fashion of the Hebrews to do this? WOW. That's like trash t.v. unstaged!

The best part is yet to come, as always! Good ol' Judah has still got some live ones- Tamar gets pregnant with that one shot. Yep. Now there is going to be trouble! When Judah finds out his daughter in law is pregnant, he gets all self-righteous and says "Off with her head!" (Well, not really...but I have been watching too many old movies lately.) Clever Tamar then sends him back his seal and staff to prove who Daddy is...big OOPS for Judah.

NOW is the best part- for once in his life, Judah does the right thing. Judah owns up to his sin, and declares Tamar more righteous than he. He recognizes that she just forced him into doing the right thing- providing her first husband (and his first born son) an heir to carry on the family name.

Reading commentaries about this- was Tamar right, should she have gotten what she wanted, what about Judah?Blah, blah, blah. The insight from this passage can go on and on but the beauty and point I think- is the GRACE of GOD.

In spite of it all, God provided for Judah, Tamar, and for US. You see, one of the twin boys this couple produced becomes a direct ancestor to Jesus. Romans 5:20 says it so beautifully, and I needed this comfort today:
"The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more..."

What a lesson! Sin never wins, hurts won't always rule our minds and and in the end, God's Grace will always be more than enough. Oh, hallelujah! Who knows? Maybe this life lesson in chapter 38 was one of the changing factors for Judah. Where he once sold his own brother into slavery (Genesis 37), he than became the man who stood before Egypt's ruler and begged to be thrown into prison instead of his other little brother (Genesis 44:33) But that is a story for another day....:)

Oh, Lord, how gracious you are. Thank you for being our God and loving us like no other. If only we were all as good to one another. Help us remember Tamar and Judah, help us live cleaner and love better.
(Pretty horse, huh? Her name is Bella...)

Gotta love the elderly....

2010-12-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

"Several women in the church prayer group were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We'll do what we can to help. We promise to keep you in our prayers."

"Just do something more useful like wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."

Bahahahaha! What a great joke to make me smile yesterday when I so needed it! Hope it made you laugh too. Gotta love the honesty of the elderly.

(Joke was from Mike's Funnies, a daily joke email website and the photo was from http://blog.douggreensgarden.com/garden-viewpoint/ )

I am His...and that is enough.

2010-12-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

One Year Later
Check out the link above. Best random thoughts I have read all year. God, grant us all perspective. No matter what it takes. (Terrifying words to pray!)
"These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ." Colossians 2:17

4 Types...

2010-11-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

I definitely can tell I am working full time again. Everything else falls by the wayside. Bummer for my social life, bonus for the checkbook. It is so funny how every time I PLAN to go on call, another opportunity presents itself and I get sucked back in. I haven't decided if that is a God thing or me being an idiot. But for now, I am thanking God for the blessing of work and ministry through it, and asking Him for help with the "B" word. BALANCE.

As I haven't read any wonderful books of late and don't feel overly inspired or witty now, I asked God what I might share that would bring encouragement to your heart. He reminded me of a sermon I heard awhile back that one of our interns presented. It was fantastic and something I go back to often. It's based on Mark 4:1-20 and describes the 4 Types of Hearts. Huh? Yep. There are 4 types of hearts out there, and we aren't talking human, bovine, aquatic or otherwise. These are definitions of the "condition" of our spiritual hearts. Read through the passage with me, and then see what you think below.

Tyler, our intern, said it so much better than I can- but I will give it to you in a nut shell and pray that you will honestly evaluate where YOUR heart is right now, and ask if that is where you WANT it to be. Sometimes a painful exercise, but always a beneficial one. If you don't know what you are aiming for, you will miss it every time right?
Heart #1 : Hard Heart. This is the person who has a blatant disregard for God. This can be an open rejection for God or a passive one. The open ones I love, because at least we both know where the other stands. But the passive ones are tough. The idea is that they are "all in" when the music is good, friends are to be had, and the message is fun and inspiring. But because this person never actually pursues their own RELATIONSHIP with God, they never really get it. So sad. Their very LACK of conviction is their undoing. (Read verses 4:15)

Heart #2 : Shallow Heart. This one is soft and willing, but because they didn't dig deep- they don't build good roots. So when the "stink" hits the fan- they wither up and die. :( I think this one is the hardest to see. Because they are the ones we love so much, but can't understand why they won't read their Bibles, talk to God, find fellow believers to walk alongside- you know, the good stuff. They are the ones that when they go- you miss so much but knew it was coming. (Read verses 4:16-17)

Heart # 3 : Busy Heart. Yeah, now it gets really uncomfortable! This is the one who lets their love for God be suffocated by the "tyranny of the urgent". The important things aren't always the urgent things, you know? In the passage, these are the hearts that get so caught up going in different directions, their root system suffers too and they can never get the nutrients to truly be HEALTHY. (Read verses 4:18-19)
Heart # 4 : Open Heart. Ahhh...this is where we all wish we could be, or stay. This heart is "not too hard, not too shallow, and not to busy...It's soft and deep and AVAILABLE." Don't I wish I could say I hang out here all the time? But if I am honest- I know I tend towards the Busy Heart more than anything. Help me, Lord to be open to you. Change my heart.

Tyler didn't leave us on a depressed note though, so I won't do that to you either! He pointed us to a verse that brings that old Sunday School song to some of our minds, or just the simple comfort that you aren't alone in this.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22a That's what a person with an Open Heart looks like!
God wants to bless you with a new heart- one that is "all in" for him. How awesome, yes? And if I look at that list with my busy heart- trying to get all that "fruit" with my own strength, I suck at life. But when I look at it clearly, knowing that God will do the work, if I just soften to Him in obedience and make myself available to Him in my commitments- Woohoo! That's when we can rock this world with the love, joy, peace, patience, blah blah blah that can not be ignored!

I hope you realize today how much God wants to work FOR you, friend. He adores you. Open your heart to Him, and get to know Jesus better. There is nothing like it.
(The photos of my goombas were simply for your entertainment. All my flowers are dead, the yard is a mess from the freeze- but the most beautiful things to me are these sweet faces. God, give them all a heart after You!)

"The Rich Family in Church."

2010-11-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

Read a story today that was so what I needed to remember. I feel like a pretty thankful person- I have a great life, with a great family and more than enough in just about every way. But at church we sang a song that made me blubber like a baby- simply because it reminded me how "unthankful" I really am. And I never want to feel that way again. Then God showed me this blog post that brought this concept home again- and all I can say is "For all you've given to me,
For all the blessings that I cannot see...Thank you lord!" It's long, but sooo worth it!

"I’ll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Ocy was 12, and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was to do without many things. My dad had died five years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money.

By 1946 my older sisters were married and my brothers had left home. A month before Easter the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially.

When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. When we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn’t listen to the radio, we’d save money on that month’s electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us babysat for everyone we could. For 15 cents we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1. We made $20 on pot holders. That month was one of the best of our lives.

Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we’d sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sunday the pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.

The day before Easter, Ocy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change. We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.

That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn’t care that we wouldn’t have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering. We could hardly wait to get to church! On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn’t own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn’t seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet.

But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt rich. When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us kids put in a $20.

As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes! Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn’t say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10 and seventeen $1 bills.

Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn’t talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling like poor white trash. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn’t have our Mom and Dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the spoon or the fork that night. We had two knifes that we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn’t have a lot of things that other people had, but I’d never thought we were poor.

That Easter day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor. I didn’t like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed–I didn’t even want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor!

I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew that we were poor. I decided that I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed. All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn’t know. We’d never known we were poor. We didn’t want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn’t talk on the way. Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Africa made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, “Can’t we all sacrifice to help these poor people?” We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week.

Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Ocy. Ocy put it in the offering. When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn’t expected such a large offering from our small church. He said, “You must have some rich people in this church.” Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of that “little over $100.”

We were the rich family in the church! Hadn’t the missionary said so? From that day on I’ve never been poor again. I’ve always remembered how rich I am because I have Jesus!"

If you want to know a little more about Eddie Ogan, the author of this story- check here: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/archive/richFamily/aboutEddie2.html

God bless you, friends. And may you use that blessing to bless the socks right off the people around you!!

To raise a man...

2010-11-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

Whirlwind days, but so good to be in the fall season. Especially good when the temperature stays around 70 while the leaves turn to gold! Love it! Oh, how I wish the heat could stay and the seasons move forward, but alas- I know this will pass and I will dig out the scarves, sweaters and parka jackets sooner than later. But that also will bring Christmas and snow and days of doing nothing but sitting with a book by the fire. Not a bad deal!

I had a moment this week where all was right with the world, and it was wonderful. Busy, busy after work and school, sent my boy off to his friends and got my things to head to the barn. As I drove to pick up Jazz- who do I pass but my boy again, riding his bike down the road, head phones on, blue hoodie flapping with the wind in his hair. Of course it put a smile on my face, but as I passed him and waved out the window, my side mirror showed me a glimpse of why we mamas do what we do. I saw in the mirror the face of my boy, but finally saw that he isn't a boy anymore. My man child is growing up, half way to 16 and full of his own ideas and opinions, goals and passions. And that is a good thing. In that mirror I saw him lift up a hand to wave, and a pure, joyful smile on his face. That smile put the anxieties in my heart at ease, my faith in God strengthen and my hope for the future generations secure. That smile reminded me that God is God alone, and no matter my fears or concerns for what might, should or will happen- it is going to turn out just right, according to His great design. I will keep pushing, keep praying, keep loving and keep BELIEVING God will hold these dear ones close to Him. And I trust that the prayers I give my Father will not go unanswered, or unheard. Oh, what a wonderful moment of peace in the midst of a really tough week.
Thank you, Papa, for always being faithful to me when I am not. Thank you for moments that take our breath away at the thought of Your greatness. My peanut brain can not understand how you maintain the Universe while at the same moment bless this silly mama's heart when you know she needs it most. You, oh Lord, are a great God.
“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you." Jeremiah 32:17
(Getting pictures of this guy lately has been tough, but I will persist! :)

Foolish, foolish woman I am...

2010-10-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind couple of weeks. Is it seriously going to be November on Monday? Time is flying way too fast lately. I guess everyone says that- but sometimes it is more true than others.

Tonight I was reminded of the Proverb: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." 14:1

I have been struggling with balance lately, nothing new. The reason for my balance issues is my own doing though- horses. All I ever want to do is be at the barn playing with my horses, and that is not all I am SUPPOSE to do. Bah. Anyways, today I made the decision to be very self sacrificing and be home with dinner waiting for my husband...in spite of the gorgeous blue skies, fresh air and PERFECT riding conditions this afternoon. So I cleaned up after work, spent some girl time with my amazing daughter, and waiting obediently for my husband. Mmmhhhmmmm. You know where this is going. My dear man worked late, and instead of coming home, he went straight to the church to work the sound board during worship practice. Now, I could have said, oh- what a great guy, he worked late and is still willing to donate his evening to the greater good, blah blah blah. But no- I focused on the fact that he didn't CALL me to tell me that he wasn't coming home, and if he had, I could have been at the barn. Foolish, foolish woman, right? Way to tear down your own "house" (marital relationship) you have worked so hard to build up!
I often wonder why it is so easy to see my mistakes once I have already successfully made them, rather than see them and STOP before I am right in the muck again. But God is so faithful. After I apologized to my poor husband for throwing a fit, drove to the church to give him a kiss, and got to the barn for a quick horse fix, God blessed my socks off. He gave me the chance to chat with a new friend, and in that conversation- He gently reminded me that even when I blow it, I can't wreck His ultimate plan. If I had not gotten to the barn late, I would have missed out on the great fellowship I had with my barn buddy and the opportunity to share and talk about our Lord and Savior together. She and I both left feeling blessed and encouraged!

I have been hanging out in 1 Timothy this week, and God reminded me of verse 8 in chapter 4 as I was driving home from the barn. Check it out:
"Bodily discipline (physical training-will power) is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training- faith power) has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."
I can try all I want to be perfect, to discipline myself to accomplish that wonderful balanced life that I dream of- the one where I am an amazing wife, a wise and wonderful mother, a gifted horse trainer, an excellent nurse and the best friend anyone could dream of. But it's never going to happen- no one can be all things for all people. And all that forced structure is of only "some value". Instead, as I choose to LOVE my God first, and that love overflows to my husband, my family, my patients, my friends...even my horses- THAT will help me to grow in "godliness" and truly find the value in all things.
Oh, thank you Lord that when I think I am being oh so cool, you remind me what a goomba I am, and still work in me and through me. Your plans are wonderful, Father.
(This is by far my favorite picture of Jazz and Freckles. He is such a "dog"! Bahahaha!)

"Dancing in the Minefields..."

2010-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of great firsts and terrible frustrations. I'd like to blame it on menopause or something, but I am just not that old yet. Drat.

Today though, I remembered how gracious God is to me. He gave me time to slow down, to talk to Him, and to remember. To remember that my purpose is bigger than figuring out how to ride my horse. My mission is bigger than how to get along with rebellious kids. To remember the "hope of His calling" and keep my eyes open for the ones who need Him NOW.

Steve blessed me with encouragement and love this week as I struggled with self-centered grief over my kiddos. They aren't any different than any other American teenager, but having been spoiled with close relationships with them, it hurts like crazy to feel those relationships be strained. Steve reminded me that God is God, and He is in control. Waking up to this man that I love this morning, this man who is my best friend, this man who I used to hate- reinforced the truth of God's power. Thank you Lord for your mercy. That you would pick me up out of the mud, wash me clean and give me a man after Your heart. Your goodness is amazing...Check out Ephesians 5 this week. Such a beautiful picture of what marriage is suppose to be like.

Jazz showed me this song and it brought tears to my eyes. May you and your beloved "dance in the minefields" together always and "kick down the doors" that try to block God's hand in your life. May you "sail in the storms" with a grin and remember that is "what the promise (of 'I do') is for"...
(When the video goes black, just click on the sentence in the middle "watch on youtube" and it will open another window.)

Lay your life down for him, sister. And watch God blow your mind with how He honors your obedience.
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. " John 15:12-13