Far too short a time...

It is always amazing to realize how short our time is here. This last week has just reinforced to me how important it is to make each day count. Whether it was from seeing the cherry blossoms disappear far too quickly,talking about college and life after graduation next year with my kids, or finding out a brother in Christ died unexpectedly Tuesday morning; I just keep thinking- Lord, help me make it count.

I can't put all my feelings into words yet regarding the death of someone so special, but a dear friend read a piece of Psalm 90 today and it brought such comfort: "The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away... So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom... Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil." Psalm 90:10-15 (abbreviated)

I was so distracted from the sermon because I just kept hearing these words over and over in my head- how much I want to gain a "heart of wisdom" and "rejoice" in the afflictions of life. I am a little slow, but God just won't stop driving one point home- that I NEED Him. My focus shouldn't even be on His grace, or love or right living- but the whole purpose of this life is to KNOW God. To have a relationship with Him and to keep it all in perspective. It was the best message I have heard in a long time, and maybe it's simply because I was listening. This life is just a blip. I don't want to waste a minute of it.

Thank you, Lord, for your words that bring peace amid grief. Thank you that you want to know us, and once we choose you- our future is secure and we will be "GLAD for as many days" as we have hurt, for "as many years as we have seen evil."

Photos were just a glimpse of what the last couple weeks have been full of- flowers and horses. I realized the other day, as I heard my kiddos sounding WISE and mature for the first time in awhile, how blessed I am to know them. Everyone loves their kids, but I am so glad that I can honestly say I LIKE them. I have been trying to bite my tongue the last few months as I watch them maneuver this life and knowing that they are the ones who will have to live with the choices they make, I am still so happy with the people they are becoming. This week has just reminded me that I can't wait to tell them that. I never know if I will have tomorrow, so I want to be sure the first words they hear from me in the morning and the last ones before they go to bed are "I like you, and I am so proud of you." Not because they do it right all the time, but because they never quit trying. Oh, thank you, Father, for the reminders of what matters.

Disappointment...

"Disappointment- His Appointment"; change one letter, then I see that the thwarting of my purpose is God's better choice for me. His appointment must be blessing though it may come in disguise; for the end, from the beginning, open to His vision lies. "Disappointment-His Appointment." Whose The Lord who loves me best, understands and knows me fully, who my faith and love would test. For like loving earthly parents He rejoices when He knows that His child accepts unquestioned all that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment- His Appointment"; no good things will He withhold. From denials oft we gather treasures of His love untold. Well He knows each broken purpose leads to a fuller, deeper trust, and the end of all His dealings proves our God is wise and just. "Disappointment-His Appointment"; Lord I take it then as such, like clay in the hands of the potter yielding wholly to His touch. My life's plan is all His molding; not one single choice is mine. Let me answer unrepining, "Father, not my will, but Thine." -Author Unknown, taken from As Silver Refined, Kay Arthur

Right when I want to stop the Zone...

A short hiatus from technology has been quite nice. For us, it probably can never be completely removed, but the last month gave me a lot more time for other things as I just did email, Facebook, etc for the necessary- and very little else. It's nice to recognize how little I missed, and yet it's good to be back.

Another month of changes, birthdays, deaths, and walking through life together has passed and I am so thankful for all that God is doing in our world to set our eyes on Him. Spending the last month reading through the gospels has been a great preparation for Easter- and I am more thoroughly convinced than ever that the Resurrection has the ability to transform all of us- from the inside out. Every time I read this, I just grin. Imagine what that feels like, "heart burning within". I can't read a word that Jesus said that doesn't make me crave more, to know His voice, to see His face, to learn His ways. Ahhh...heaven would be wonderful for the single fact that I can ask God all those things and actually understand it clearly. But even then, I know it will be so much MORE.

My motivation to post today was from a question one of our Middle Schooler's put in the "Question Box". At the after school program I work at, the kids can put anonymous questions in a box, and the staff promises to answer them honestly, and often- with humor. Most of our questions range in the silly category- "Why does S have such long hair?", "If you were a tree, what would you be?", etc. But some are questions about God, about life, about friendships. Yesterday we got one that broke my heart, because I can only imagine the hurt that inspired it: "If God is so powerful, why does He let Satan do so many bad things?" Ugh. Knife to the stomach, right? Our Youth Director did a fantastic job explaining what the Bible says about God, Satan, and suffering. I just prayed that the little person who asked the question heard those words, and God opened up their understanding. Whether the cause of our suffering is providence, our own sin, or supernatural enemies- I don't think there is a person alive who hasn't asked the question "why do we have to hurt?". You don't have to live very long to feel the sharp sting of consequences for sin, whether Original Sin- that we are born into since the Fall of Adam and Eve; or sin that we did, or the effects of someone else's sin that hurts us to the core.

I woke up today wishing I could wrap that little teen up in my arms and let them know that in all of it, God IS powerful, He will right the wrongs, and He is, right now- holding her up. I think about all that Jesus did when he died to save us, and then didn't stay dead but rose from the grave VICTORIOUS- so that someday, all suffering will be forever gone for those who choose Him. Oh, Lord- make that REAL to our kids, make it REAL to us.

We talked about this verse a lot at TAG this week, and it just keeps coming to mind for that other little teen. While she is questioning God's power to protect and save, I so hope she finds the truth of this verse- sometimes, it's OK to be weak, to hurt. Because it's then that we grow. ♥

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me...But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

(Pictures are just a glimpse of the last month. The Zone, high school dances, fun times. God is good. ALL the time.And needless to say, I learn more at the Zone the kids do. No quitting for me!)