I hate running.

Yet another first to log in the memory bank today. I put my baby girl on a plane...to Hawaii...alone. I know, shouldn't be that big of a deal. But to me, it is HUGE. She was so excited, and nervous, and happy at the same time. With tears she begged us to come with her, and then with a smile and a wave she got on the plane and left. The attitude of that kid amazes me. She is going to be able to get through anything life deals out.

God gave me the grace to send her off with a grin and no tears, but the minute she was out of sight- yeah, that was pathetic. I suppose when the 20 year old kid behind me walked up and handed me some napkins I should of know I am a wimp. But then when he looked me in the eye and said, "I can see your tears through the reflection of the window...can I help you, ma'am?" I officially made "crybaby whiner" status.

All in all, the goodbye is the hardest part. Now I can thoroughly distract myself with work, horses, friends, and yard work. It is going to be a great 8 days and I am not going to whine or cry about missing my girl. I know I have a tendency to make my children into idols- pouring all my energy, efforts and time into them and forgetting that there is only one thing that should have that kind of total devotion. My Jesus.

I have been hanging out in Hebrews the last week, and after cruising through Hebrews 11 and all those "Heroes of Faith", it made me want to believe bigger of God. Then I read this today and it so hit my heart after sending Jasmine off:
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

We have been running in a million different directions and we are getting nowhere. And as much as I hate it, I need to "run" like my life depended on it but with a SPECIFIC goal in sight. Never quitting, never tiring- but pushing through to the end. I want to "throw off" the sin of self sufficiency, of self indulgence, even of false worship. My eyes need to not be fixed on my family, my fun times, or simple comforts, but wholly fixed on Jesus- my perfecter and redeemer. Thank you, Lord. For reminding me what really matters! Thank You for holding me close when I am weak, and kicking my butt when I slow down. Oh, how blessed I am!

(While I am busy "running" towards you, I put my sweet treasure, my girl, in your strong, safe arms. Bring her back to us soon.)

A time to hope...

Is it possible to be completely at peace in the midst of a struggle? I keep going back to that passage that says "that we might lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way." (1 Timothy 2:2) and realize there is very little "peaceful" or "quiet" about my life. And absolutely nothing "dignified". This last 2 weeks the rare moments of quiet I have been able to find, early in the morning with my Jesus, laying in the backyard with my flowers- all those moments have been riddled with tears and pleading prayers. Nothing really quiet about that.

I suppose it always falls back on the choice. The choice to believe God. To CHOOSE to hope in Him, trust in Him, love Him, and know that He is good and faithful and kind. It amazes me how God uses the strangest moments to teach our hearts. One of our teens reminded me so gently this week that "we are just waiting for the rapture", and that is where my eyes should be. And another of our college girls posted a passage from Hebrews that I have just been going back to again and again- and it brings me joy every time I read it:

"You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. For they heard an awesome trumpet blast and a voice so terrible that they begged God to stop speaking...
No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering...You have come to God himself, who is the judge over all things...You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people..."” Hebrews 12:18-24

How cool is that? That we have not been called to a "Mountain of Doom" as in the past- rules and legalistic religion. But we have been called to a "Mountain of JOY", a relationship with the living God who comforts us and loves us and stands in the gap between our sin and God's righteousness. That we might be saved and live fully. Soooo good.

Thank you, Father, for using the most unexpected people to draw my eyes to Your truth. Thank you that while our hearts are breaking over hurt and the destruction of families we love, You are not surprised or unaware. You are with us and have promised to never leave or forsake us. You are a God of forgiveness and redemption. Oh, how we praise you for that, my King!

Pictures were just to give you a smile- we had a wonderful 4th of July in spite of all the junk, and it was filled with fun, laughter, good food and of course fireworks!

And thank you for laughter, these smiles always make me think:
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. " Psalm 71:14-15