There IS strength to be had.

Midway through October and I am so unprepared to be here. So, I started listening to Christmas Music. Nothing like pressing the fast forward button. I have been so angry, and so sad with all the things that have happened in the last year that I want to say goodbye to 2012. But then I get overwhelmed at what 2013 is going to look like.

Then I read Nehemiah. It was so good to be reminded that "the joy of the LORD" IS my "strength". In this passage you see the people of God preparing to hear the Law- basically the 10 Commandments and goodies from the first 5 books of the Bible. They had begged to have the Word of the Lord read to them, but as they heard it..they began to despair and weep, recognizing their total inability to meet God's standard. That's how I have been feeling this last season. Just completely incapable to do anything of worth, to have failed in so many ways and now, somehow, needing to find a way to make it right.

But listen to what God says, in spite of the MEGA failures of the Israelite people, their exile, their idolatry, their disobedience- " Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved.” And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them." Nehemiah 8:10-12


A commentary I read said that the people had found a reason to celebrate. They had not been totally destroyed as a nation, in spite of their sin. God was and always would be their comfort, their strength. Oh, how good, Lord, You are. Thank you for that word- that no matter the past, we have a future in you. 

(Pictures just for fun- I love working with teens, they are fearless.)

Abigail is my hero. Doing what you "should" can turn out pretty nice...

House full of sickies this week, and I am trying to keep my lungs INSIDE my body. Coughing never hurt so much. I keep thinking spring is right around the corner and the cold season is over, but apparently not. We haven't been this sick in a long time.

Had a great chat with a dear sister in Christ tonight (I suppose I should say "last night" as it is now 4:00 in the morning, but besides trying to expel my lungs, my body has decided sleep is overrated). As I talked with her, God reminded me just what He expects of us ladies in the marriage role, and it was a good thing to hear.

Have you heard of Abigail? Have you heard of Nabal and Abigail? Well- even if you have, humor me with a little reminiscing. Abigail was said to be "intelligent and beautiful" back in the day, during King David's younger years. Nabal was a fool. No literally- his name meant "fool", and the story says he was a "worthless man". Nice, right? I wonder how I would feel about my dear sweet Steve if I had to call him "Moron" everyday. Could I say it with a straight face? Instead of "Hey, Stevie- what do you want for lunch?" I would insert "Moron". Bahahahaha!
Anyways, total hottie married to a real winner, and along comes David. Young, vibrant, handsome, and chosen by GOD to be the true King of an entire nation. One catch- the current King Saul doesn't want to give up his post, and David honors Saul's position too much to just kill him and take the crown. So, David has been chillin' in the wilderness, playing pranks on King Saul when the opportunity arises, sharping his sword and hanging with his closest buddies. BTW- All of David's buds are serious soldiers...like totally buff. One of them killed 800 people in one battle. WOW. Another 300, and another took a lion out- just for fun on a "snowy day". And these dudes weren't even part of David's inner 3- David's Mighty Men.(Check it out in 2 Samuel 23- good stuff)

What does David's mad fighting skills have to do with marriage, and in particular, the marriage of "Pretty Lady" and "Fool", you ask? A lot. You see, Nabal was a fool, but he was also extremely rich. He had an abundance of wealth the story says, and David and his buddies spent their time protecting and being a living "wall" around all of Nabal's wealth and household. Not one little lamb went missing or got eaten by wolves while David was on watch. So along comes "shearing day". Doesn't sound too exciting to me, but back then, this was a PARTY. "Festive" day for all the people, and David sends a messenger with a nice little "Congratulations, Fool- I mean Nabal- glad things are going so well for you thanks to my protection. May I have a piece of cake and a beer?" Even in our modern minds, if your super helpful and nice neighbor, who happens to be built like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and was just elected as the next President of the United States, swings by your barbecue for a little taste of the good stuff- you wouldn't think that was too much to ask, right? Well, apparently "Fool" was never taught basic manners or self preservation skills. He pretty much spits in David's face and pretends he has no idea who he is. Ummm...not only would anyone find it hard to believe you didn't NOTICE the 600 dudes living outside your yard, but saying anyone in Israel didn't know David, the Son of Jesse, had been chosen by God to rule would be like saying you didn't know Brad Pitt is shacking up with Angelina Jolie. Dumb dumb move, Nabal.

David gets the unfriendly note, and says to his comrades "Strap on your blades, boys- we're gonna teach this boy a lesson." Actually, he says "Each of you gird on his sword...Surely in vain I have guarded all that this man has in the wilderness...and he has returned me evil for good. May God do so to the enemies of David, and more also, if by morning I leave as much as one male" alive. Nice, right? When I read that, I can almost hear Clint Eastwood swearing an oath to his cowboys, and them mounting their gorgeous steeds and charging off- pistols brandished high to clean up the town!

Well- now it gets to my favorite part. Nabal's employee comes running to Abigail, remember the smart, pretty lady Nabal somehow married? (Gotta love arranged marriages) They have a great little dialogue about what a total idiot Nabal is, and how because of his complete stupidity- they're all gonna die. What would I do if I was her? Unfortunately, if I am honest I would probably have fallen to my knees and shouted "Hallelujah! I am free!" at the prospect of someone putting me out of my misery. Since I am not a dude, David probably won't kill me- but he WILL kill my epic failure husband and I will never have to put up with another thing from him. Too bad for all the male servants who go down in the cross fire, right? Sad, but true. I am just that selfish. This is the part that gets me every time, and I just thank God for the reminder of what happens when you "do what you should" rather than what you want. Look at it:
"Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, "Go on ahead; I'll follow you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal." 1 Samuel 25:18-19

Amazing lady. I don't know that I wouldn't have "lost" some time going and ripping my idiot husband a new one. Or crying and whining about "Why! Why me?" Abigail didn't do that even for a second. She took action to save her husband and all the people of her household. She put her trust and her faith in God's mercy for her. Abby girl honored her husband even though he was the one who made the mess, and tried to save all their lives. Did she do this because Nabal deserved her? Did she use her wit, her beauty, her wealth to benefit her husband because he was her soul mate? I really doubt it. Nowhere is it recorded that she thought highly of him. In fact, her words of disdain for Nabal are recorded as she begs David for mercy. But how she FEELS about Nabal doesn't change how she BEHAVES. She is married to him, 'til death do they part, and she didn't wait around hoping for that day. :)She is the epitomy of a woman who "does (her husband) good and not harm all the days of her life" Proverbs 31:12. Whether he deserves it or not.

Anyways, she's cruising up on her donkey (I soooo wish God had said she galloped up on her 16 hand, jet black Friesian stallion- bare back with hair blowing in the wind, head proud and eyes blazing. But it doesn't. It says "donkey".) and as she crests the hill and sees the valley- there is David...and his FOUR HUNDRED soldiers. Ummm, yeah. It says she jumps off her donkey (MAN! Why couldn't it say HORSE!) and bows low to the ground at David's feet, but I bet she pretty much fell off trembling in fear. I would. Little chit chat, she lays the guilt trip on thick and reminds David that NO WAY would a man of his stature, position and integrity seek personal vengance because the Creator of the Universe will fight on his behalf...she just knows it. Nice, right? More bees with honey and all that. David is wooed by her words, he tells her she's the bomb and says she can go home in peace, he's heard her and will do what she asks. SWEEET! Abigail saves the day, oh yeah, woot woot! Talk about relief! I so wish I could see her and her servants faces as they ride away...on their DONKEYS. How long did they wait before they were out of sight to jump up and down, whooping for joy? How long could she hold back the tears of relief and happiness, and thankfulness to the God Who saves? I can't imagine how that felt at that moment.

Abby goes home, praising God, and guess what Nabal's up to? He's having a party. A drunken, loser fest for himself- a party fit for a king. NOW Abby goes off on him, right? Nope. No frying pan to the side of his head, no swear words or evil looks. It says "...Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk so she did not tell him anything at all until the morning light". Does this girl amaze you like she does me? If not- you must not be married. Because I REALLLLY doubt there are many ladies out there who would respond after the stress and emotions of a day like hers with politeness to her husband's drunken orgy. I freak out when I just feel the stress of not being able to clean the house AND go for a walk. I can't imagine being married to this winner and not killing him myself.

Abigail waits until morning, and then she tells him the adventure from yesterday. Doesn't say she lays into him, yells, freaks out. It just says she "told him these things" and guess what? He has a stroke. Seriously. It says Nabal has a stroke. (I will pretend I am not jumping up and down for joy right now.) Paralyzed for 10 days, but then finally he dies. SERIOUSLY.

Sweet justice. Please don't take this to mean God wants you to pray for your husband to die. But in this story, the Lord's justice does feel appropriate, doesn't it?

The story ends with David hearing about Nabal's death, and he asks Abigail to marry him because she is so rockin' awesome. She must have made quite an impression. Do you think David would have wanted her if she had spent her marriage harboring bitterness, anger, or unkindness towards Nabal? When David gave her props, he didn't praise her external beauty. He blessed her for being discerning and wise in her pleading. THAT was what got his attention, her personality.

She, of course "quickly arose...and...became his wife." She rode out on her donkey once again, to marry the King. And he was probably a hunk. With lots of power and prestige, not to mention that he LOVED the Lord. The romantic part of me can hear the orchestra playing, the sun setting in the back ground as we see them ride off, happily ever after, with love and faithfulness in their eyes. The rest of me knows that she is his second wife, and history tells us David is going to screw up royally in a few years- lots of strife and struggle, exile, rotten step kids and stress for my poor sweet Abby. But you know what? With wisdom, love and faith like hers...I bet she handled it all just fine. I bet she was a shining example to every single one of David's wives, and a blessing to her husband all the days of her life. And I bet she had a whole lot of fun, laughs, and good times because her attitude was one of service and loyalty.

REALLLLLY long way to say, after talking to my dear friend, I am praying that she decides to take the high road. I think she will. I am praying that someday my own sweet daughter will read this and choose to do things God's way when hard times come. I am praying that I remember Abigail, and fight like her. That I would fight for my "household" with everything I have. That I would bless my husband, even when maybe he doesn't deserve it. That I would have his back every single day, like I would like him to have mine.

Everyone knows marriage is hard, it's never going to be like a romantic movie all the time. But it will be so worth it. Do it well, and you just might see a miracle happen in your life. Either your frog turns into a prince, God gives you a new heart and and grows you into an INCREDIBLE lady...or your husband has a massive heart attack. Either way- when you live the way God designed a woman to, you win. :)

God be with you, friend. May He make you brave, may He make you wise, and may He give you the strength and HEART to do what doesn't come naturally.

(Check this story out for yourself, it's way better told the way it is suppose to be. :) I just let my imagination get the better of me. It's in the Bible- 1 Samuel chapter 25. I hope you love it as much as I do. But do change all the words "donkey" to "horse". It is sooo much better that way. I don't think God will get mad. hehehe)

9 year olds can be so wise...

I came upon something yesterday that reminded me of yet another reason I adore my Jazz. I found a little card she had made me about 5 years ago. It was a crookedly cut piece of a 3x5 card, and she had written on the front " With my God I can skale any wall! You can do it, Mommy!" Oh- I remember the day she gave that to me! We were living in Yacolt, dealing with broken down cars, a broken down marriage, and a feeling of despair as we looked at our life and couldn't see God in it. I was in nursing school and had to miss a clinical assignment because I couldn't get the van to start...and just bawled like a baby. The kids and I took a walk down the driveway (it was a little over a mile to the mailbox) to get the mail and some fresh air. My sweet 9 year old decided to forgo her usual mode of transportation (her incredible purple bike complete with flowery basket on the front and ribbons shooting out the handlebars) and chose to walk alongside me, hand in hand, the whole two miles. I remember getting back to the house with a little more perspective. Later that night, my sweet faced girlie brought me her handwritten card. You see, we had been memorizing Psalm 18: 29 in school ("with your help I can advance against any troop, with my God I can scale any wall"), and I had just been encouraging her the week prior that nothing God wanted for her was out of reach if He was giving her a boost.

What an amazing reminder she gave me...a reminder that with the Lord, nothing would be too overwhelming, nothing too difficult. Sometimes it amazes me how God chooses to talk to us...and through what mouths. Chad Eastham says it really well "You NEVER know how God can use you when you just be YOU." Thank God Jasmine is willing to just be her...sweet, tenderhearted, and an absolute blast. (And we REALLY worked on her spelling...much better now!)

"You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.

With your help I can advance against a troop ;
with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?" Psalm 18:28-31

(In other related news...God blessed me yet again yesterday in an unexpected way. My insanely patient husband knew I was feeling crummy, and this is what I came home from The Zone to:

Just call me "Blessed". May God bless and keep you today, with His people surrounding you, His Spirit within you, and His grace abounding for you)

Sometimes, a change of plans is a good thing.

"Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who sees us? Who will know?" Isaiah 29:15

I am realizing more and more that it is so much easier to do things the right way the first time. I so desperately want to find a way to teach my kids that staying ON the straight and narrow path is so much easier than trying to find it again after they have taken several detours. I want them to save themselves the heartache of consequences, that they would be "wise" and listen to the words of Solomon in Proverbs chapters 1-6.

I have felt bombarded with people's poor choices the last few weeks, and the huge consequences of not believing God at His word. Not that anyone consciously says, "I think I will doubt God's goodness and forget His very nature, and do things my way because my way is better", but in essence that is exactly what I am saying when I don't BELIEVE that every single thing that touches my life has been ordained, nay- GIVEN by God for my growth, wellness, and His glory.

Watching so many people that you dearly love struggle with darkness and secrets is so sad. It is especially sad when you can see the glorious "light" that is all around them, but they can't. They have spent so many years cultivating their sin and poor choices, the road back to freedom and healthy life is hard and long. I am just as guilty, but by the grace of God, I am choosing not to carry those burdens anymore. I attached something at the bottom of this post that I read the other day that gave me hope. Hope for them, and hope for me- that though the work is hard, the sweat and tears are good and in the end, it will bring an awesome "paycheck". Let's all change a few of our human plans around and make them God's plans, and see what he will do. If that means staying in a tough marriage because God hates divorce, being a better steward of your blessings, quitting drugs and alcohol, putting other's needs before our own- so be it! And we will do it with a smile on our faces. :)Can you imagine what God would do if we would just kick our sins to the curb and make room for GOD's plans?

"Be strong!
We are not here to play, to dream. to drift,
We have hard work to do, and loads to lift.
Shun not the struggle; face it.
It's God's gift.

Be strong!
Say not the days are evil- Who's to blame?
Or fold your hands, as in defeat- O shame!
Stand out, speak up, and bravely,
In God's name.

Be strong! It matters not how deep entrenched the wrong,
How hard the battle goes, the day how long,
Faint not, fight on!
Tomorrow comes the song."
Maltbie D. Babcock

(I have decided my favorite annual is going to be the petunia. Not because it is anything so special or unique, but because it is faithful. It is faithful to bloom every day, to grow bigger and more beautiful, and to put a smile on my face. I will always have petunias in my garden.)

Thunderstorms in life.

When we lived in Arizona we got to see some of the most spectacular "sky shows" I can imagine. The monsoon season brings with it much needed moisture, but more importantly high pressure systems that cause thunder and lighting like you wouldn't believe. And the whole event is so beautiful because there is nothing blocking your view- you can see for miles, and there is nothing but sky, sky, sky. So when the lightning strikes, and the thunder rumbles, you have a great seat, even if it isn't happening right in your neighborhood. I remember my first experience with a monsoon one day driving to work in Mesa- shopping carts were flying across the road from the wind, power lines were bending and swinging towards the cars, and the lighting was literally striking stuff right next to the road. All I could do was hang my mouth open and try not to hit any of the flying debris. I didn't even have enough mental fortitude to pray- I was just in total shock. It was terrifying to the extreme, but after realizing that is just par for the course in Arizona, thunder storms became one of my favorite things about the desert.
Anyways, besides feeling a little nostalgic, I have been thinking a lot about the "storms of life" and why God allows them. Some storms I think we receive with a fierce heart- ready to take it on, and fight the good fight. But other storms leave us crumpled on the floor and broken, shaking with fear and doubt. What makes up the difference? Is it our perspective- whether or not we believe our place in heaven is secure, that God is sifting all the events of life through His hands and nothing touches us that He doesn't allow? Or does it just depend on how bad the storm hurts?
I don't know, but I want to be more like the former, rather than the latter. I want to look at the storms, grab hold of Jesus' hand and say- "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?" Psalm 27 Whether it is people that are causing it, sickness, or my own sin, I want to look at life like the little girl in the story I have attached- trusting one hundred percent that God is there with me- and He is not going to allow anything to truly harm me. As I made my "therapists" pretty this morning- grooming my horses and watching them enjoy their breakfast, I was reminded yet again- that in the midst of the storm, Jesus is there with us, and He always says, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Matthew 14:27 We just have to be listening and looking for Him.

A Child's View of Thunderstorms......
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her, 'What are you doing?' The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."