Tamar has my number...

I hate to admit that I totally get this girl but I do. Taking matters into my own hands and being impatient comes naturally to me. Surprised, right? ;)

I was not in the mood for a lesson from the righteous today. And God reminded me of Tamar. (There are a few Tamar's in God's Word, but this chick has my heart.) The best thing about this story is the evidence of God's grace. Judah was a jerk, Tamar was a lonely woman who decided to do something about it- and yet they both get to become part of the lineage for Jesus- our wonderful Savior and the Son of God! Back up with me and read Genesis 38. (I always forget to mention, if you don't have your own Bible-message me. I have a pile and would love to send you one! And for now, you can look up the passage at www.biblegateway.com)

Tamar married the wrong dude, then due to their really whacked out heritage rules, she gets pawned off to the brother, then she gets promised if she waits- she will get to marry the youngest brother when he comes of age. Yeah- I know. Gross beyond gross, but that's how they swing it back then. (Her husbands kept dying off because they were "evil in the sight of the LORD". I wonder if she was glad- she was the one who had to live with their EVIL!)

Anyways, things just got worse for her after that. She waited alone for awhile, and Judah, her father in law, never kept his promise to give her the next little bro for a husband- even though he was old enough now. I know it sounds weird, but imagine the situation as a woman in a culture where your only worth came from marriage and the production of sons. Tamar had no hope of that now, and no hope of being a part of the lineage of her people- Abraham's descendants.

What she does next is just gnarly- I can't even TRY to describe it. Read Genesis 38:13-19...I'll wait.

Yeah- wow. Can you even imagine the desperation that it would take to bring a "good girl" raised in the strict fashion of the Hebrews to do this? WOW. That's like trash t.v. unstaged!

The best part is yet to come, as always! Good ol' Judah has still got some live ones- Tamar gets pregnant with that one shot. Yep. Now there is going to be trouble! When Judah finds out his daughter in law is pregnant, he gets all self-righteous and says "Off with her head!" (Well, not really...but I have been watching too many old movies lately.) Clever Tamar then sends him back his seal and staff to prove who Daddy is...big OOPS for Judah.

NOW is the best part- for once in his life, Judah does the right thing. Judah owns up to his sin, and declares Tamar more righteous than he. He recognizes that she just forced him into doing the right thing- providing her first husband (and his first born son) an heir to carry on the family name.

Reading commentaries about this- was Tamar right, should she have gotten what she wanted, what about Judah?Blah, blah, blah. The insight from this passage can go on and on but the beauty and point I think- is the GRACE of GOD.

In spite of it all, God provided for Judah, Tamar, and for US. You see, one of the twin boys this couple produced becomes a direct ancestor to Jesus. Romans 5:20 says it so beautifully, and I needed this comfort today:
"The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more..."

What a lesson! Sin never wins, hurts won't always rule our minds and and in the end, God's Grace will always be more than enough. Oh, hallelujah! Who knows? Maybe this life lesson in chapter 38 was one of the changing factors for Judah. Where he once sold his own brother into slavery (Genesis 37), he than became the man who stood before Egypt's ruler and begged to be thrown into prison instead of his other little brother (Genesis 44:33) But that is a story for another day....:)

Oh, Lord, how gracious you are. Thank you for being our God and loving us like no other. If only we were all as good to one another. Help us remember Tamar and Judah, help us live cleaner and love better.
(Pretty horse, huh? Her name is Bella...)

Abigail is my hero. Doing what you "should" can turn out pretty nice...

House full of sickies this week, and I am trying to keep my lungs INSIDE my body. Coughing never hurt so much. I keep thinking spring is right around the corner and the cold season is over, but apparently not. We haven't been this sick in a long time.

Had a great chat with a dear sister in Christ tonight (I suppose I should say "last night" as it is now 4:00 in the morning, but besides trying to expel my lungs, my body has decided sleep is overrated). As I talked with her, God reminded me just what He expects of us ladies in the marriage role, and it was a good thing to hear.

Have you heard of Abigail? Have you heard of Nabal and Abigail? Well- even if you have, humor me with a little reminiscing. Abigail was said to be "intelligent and beautiful" back in the day, during King David's younger years. Nabal was a fool. No literally- his name meant "fool", and the story says he was a "worthless man". Nice, right? I wonder how I would feel about my dear sweet Steve if I had to call him "Moron" everyday. Could I say it with a straight face? Instead of "Hey, Stevie- what do you want for lunch?" I would insert "Moron". Bahahahaha!
Anyways, total hottie married to a real winner, and along comes David. Young, vibrant, handsome, and chosen by GOD to be the true King of an entire nation. One catch- the current King Saul doesn't want to give up his post, and David honors Saul's position too much to just kill him and take the crown. So, David has been chillin' in the wilderness, playing pranks on King Saul when the opportunity arises, sharping his sword and hanging with his closest buddies. BTW- All of David's buds are serious soldiers...like totally buff. One of them killed 800 people in one battle. WOW. Another 300, and another took a lion out- just for fun on a "snowy day". And these dudes weren't even part of David's inner 3- David's Mighty Men.(Check it out in 2 Samuel 23- good stuff)

What does David's mad fighting skills have to do with marriage, and in particular, the marriage of "Pretty Lady" and "Fool", you ask? A lot. You see, Nabal was a fool, but he was also extremely rich. He had an abundance of wealth the story says, and David and his buddies spent their time protecting and being a living "wall" around all of Nabal's wealth and household. Not one little lamb went missing or got eaten by wolves while David was on watch. So along comes "shearing day". Doesn't sound too exciting to me, but back then, this was a PARTY. "Festive" day for all the people, and David sends a messenger with a nice little "Congratulations, Fool- I mean Nabal- glad things are going so well for you thanks to my protection. May I have a piece of cake and a beer?" Even in our modern minds, if your super helpful and nice neighbor, who happens to be built like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and was just elected as the next President of the United States, swings by your barbecue for a little taste of the good stuff- you wouldn't think that was too much to ask, right? Well, apparently "Fool" was never taught basic manners or self preservation skills. He pretty much spits in David's face and pretends he has no idea who he is. Ummm...not only would anyone find it hard to believe you didn't NOTICE the 600 dudes living outside your yard, but saying anyone in Israel didn't know David, the Son of Jesse, had been chosen by God to rule would be like saying you didn't know Brad Pitt is shacking up with Angelina Jolie. Dumb dumb move, Nabal.

David gets the unfriendly note, and says to his comrades "Strap on your blades, boys- we're gonna teach this boy a lesson." Actually, he says "Each of you gird on his sword...Surely in vain I have guarded all that this man has in the wilderness...and he has returned me evil for good. May God do so to the enemies of David, and more also, if by morning I leave as much as one male" alive. Nice, right? When I read that, I can almost hear Clint Eastwood swearing an oath to his cowboys, and them mounting their gorgeous steeds and charging off- pistols brandished high to clean up the town!

Well- now it gets to my favorite part. Nabal's employee comes running to Abigail, remember the smart, pretty lady Nabal somehow married? (Gotta love arranged marriages) They have a great little dialogue about what a total idiot Nabal is, and how because of his complete stupidity- they're all gonna die. What would I do if I was her? Unfortunately, if I am honest I would probably have fallen to my knees and shouted "Hallelujah! I am free!" at the prospect of someone putting me out of my misery. Since I am not a dude, David probably won't kill me- but he WILL kill my epic failure husband and I will never have to put up with another thing from him. Too bad for all the male servants who go down in the cross fire, right? Sad, but true. I am just that selfish. This is the part that gets me every time, and I just thank God for the reminder of what happens when you "do what you should" rather than what you want. Look at it:
"Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, "Go on ahead; I'll follow you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal." 1 Samuel 25:18-19

Amazing lady. I don't know that I wouldn't have "lost" some time going and ripping my idiot husband a new one. Or crying and whining about "Why! Why me?" Abigail didn't do that even for a second. She took action to save her husband and all the people of her household. She put her trust and her faith in God's mercy for her. Abby girl honored her husband even though he was the one who made the mess, and tried to save all their lives. Did she do this because Nabal deserved her? Did she use her wit, her beauty, her wealth to benefit her husband because he was her soul mate? I really doubt it. Nowhere is it recorded that she thought highly of him. In fact, her words of disdain for Nabal are recorded as she begs David for mercy. But how she FEELS about Nabal doesn't change how she BEHAVES. She is married to him, 'til death do they part, and she didn't wait around hoping for that day. :)She is the epitomy of a woman who "does (her husband) good and not harm all the days of her life" Proverbs 31:12. Whether he deserves it or not.

Anyways, she's cruising up on her donkey (I soooo wish God had said she galloped up on her 16 hand, jet black Friesian stallion- bare back with hair blowing in the wind, head proud and eyes blazing. But it doesn't. It says "donkey".) and as she crests the hill and sees the valley- there is David...and his FOUR HUNDRED soldiers. Ummm, yeah. It says she jumps off her donkey (MAN! Why couldn't it say HORSE!) and bows low to the ground at David's feet, but I bet she pretty much fell off trembling in fear. I would. Little chit chat, she lays the guilt trip on thick and reminds David that NO WAY would a man of his stature, position and integrity seek personal vengance because the Creator of the Universe will fight on his behalf...she just knows it. Nice, right? More bees with honey and all that. David is wooed by her words, he tells her she's the bomb and says she can go home in peace, he's heard her and will do what she asks. SWEEET! Abigail saves the day, oh yeah, woot woot! Talk about relief! I so wish I could see her and her servants faces as they ride away...on their DONKEYS. How long did they wait before they were out of sight to jump up and down, whooping for joy? How long could she hold back the tears of relief and happiness, and thankfulness to the God Who saves? I can't imagine how that felt at that moment.

Abby goes home, praising God, and guess what Nabal's up to? He's having a party. A drunken, loser fest for himself- a party fit for a king. NOW Abby goes off on him, right? Nope. No frying pan to the side of his head, no swear words or evil looks. It says "...Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk so she did not tell him anything at all until the morning light". Does this girl amaze you like she does me? If not- you must not be married. Because I REALLLLY doubt there are many ladies out there who would respond after the stress and emotions of a day like hers with politeness to her husband's drunken orgy. I freak out when I just feel the stress of not being able to clean the house AND go for a walk. I can't imagine being married to this winner and not killing him myself.

Abigail waits until morning, and then she tells him the adventure from yesterday. Doesn't say she lays into him, yells, freaks out. It just says she "told him these things" and guess what? He has a stroke. Seriously. It says Nabal has a stroke. (I will pretend I am not jumping up and down for joy right now.) Paralyzed for 10 days, but then finally he dies. SERIOUSLY.

Sweet justice. Please don't take this to mean God wants you to pray for your husband to die. But in this story, the Lord's justice does feel appropriate, doesn't it?

The story ends with David hearing about Nabal's death, and he asks Abigail to marry him because she is so rockin' awesome. She must have made quite an impression. Do you think David would have wanted her if she had spent her marriage harboring bitterness, anger, or unkindness towards Nabal? When David gave her props, he didn't praise her external beauty. He blessed her for being discerning and wise in her pleading. THAT was what got his attention, her personality.

She, of course "quickly arose...and...became his wife." She rode out on her donkey once again, to marry the King. And he was probably a hunk. With lots of power and prestige, not to mention that he LOVED the Lord. The romantic part of me can hear the orchestra playing, the sun setting in the back ground as we see them ride off, happily ever after, with love and faithfulness in their eyes. The rest of me knows that she is his second wife, and history tells us David is going to screw up royally in a few years- lots of strife and struggle, exile, rotten step kids and stress for my poor sweet Abby. But you know what? With wisdom, love and faith like hers...I bet she handled it all just fine. I bet she was a shining example to every single one of David's wives, and a blessing to her husband all the days of her life. And I bet she had a whole lot of fun, laughs, and good times because her attitude was one of service and loyalty.

REALLLLLY long way to say, after talking to my dear friend, I am praying that she decides to take the high road. I think she will. I am praying that someday my own sweet daughter will read this and choose to do things God's way when hard times come. I am praying that I remember Abigail, and fight like her. That I would fight for my "household" with everything I have. That I would bless my husband, even when maybe he doesn't deserve it. That I would have his back every single day, like I would like him to have mine.

Everyone knows marriage is hard, it's never going to be like a romantic movie all the time. But it will be so worth it. Do it well, and you just might see a miracle happen in your life. Either your frog turns into a prince, God gives you a new heart and and grows you into an INCREDIBLE lady...or your husband has a massive heart attack. Either way- when you live the way God designed a woman to, you win. :)

God be with you, friend. May He make you brave, may He make you wise, and may He give you the strength and HEART to do what doesn't come naturally.

(Check this story out for yourself, it's way better told the way it is suppose to be. :) I just let my imagination get the better of me. It's in the Bible- 1 Samuel chapter 25. I hope you love it as much as I do. But do change all the words "donkey" to "horse". It is sooo much better that way. I don't think God will get mad. hehehe)

It sure makes everything else seem small....

I just figured out why I love country music...and don't start laughing. Truly, the lyrics are WISE. Really. Now, not the "She thinks my Tractor's Sexy" or "Friends in Low Places" kind of songs. But there are some, that just make sense.

I have been having my pity party all week: sick body, sick kid, heart broken over dogs and praying for hurting unborn babies...and my husband has been incredible. Marriage is the ultimate test of love and sacrifice. And I think sometimes of faith and hope too. There have been lots of times over the last 15 years when I have felt hopeless in this marriage, but when I am honest- more often I have taken this man God gave me for granted. And I don't want to anymore. I could hear it in his voice last night- his desire to give me everything I want, against his desire to give me what I need. He sees me sad about my pups, and he wants to fix it- even though he already has made up his mind. He was on the verge of saying I could keep Duke, and he was there again today. As much as he doesn't want to, thinks it is too much for us, etc etc- he would rather go back on what he knows than to see me sad. It made me think of another story like that, and so I read Genesis 16 today. I realized where Abram went wrong..."Abram agreed to what Sarai said." Hehehehehe Hear the feminists roar! Now, by definition, I would be called a feminist, but I am also a realist. I know how easily I can manipulate my husband using his basic desire to love and please me. It's sad, but true. How do you think I have gotten so many horses, dogs, debt and treats? :)Last night I realized that I have the greatest husband in the world. He really would walk through hot coals for me. Steve understands me like no one else, and wants me to be happy more than anyone else. And when I think about that, it makes all the other issues in our life pale in comparison. The "mountain" really does turn in to a "grain of sand". That brings us back to why I love country music. Check out these lyrics, I have also kindly posted the song on my playlist so you can listen to them now:
"While you’re sitting around thinking ‘bout what you can’t change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time’s flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count ‘cause you can’t get it back

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you’ve been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

Oh, and when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small!" Carrie Underwood

Now, this doesn't mean I can't use all my manipulative genius to get Steve to bungee jump with me next spring, does it?

God be with you married people tonight- don't take one second for granted. You don't know when it might be your last here.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

This is my honey in all his burly-ness. Gotta love this guy. :)

Rekindling the Romance Book Review

Another book review, Rekindling the Romance- Loving the Love of your Life by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, that I had to share. Whether you have been married since Noah, or just a week- this book gives you a glimpse of what God intended your relationship to be like. If you have rated G eyes and think the word "sex" should be whispered or avoided at all costs, please don't continue. :) I don't want to make you blush.

Written in two sections, first half by Barbara directed at wives, and the second by Dennis directed at husbands, but both people should read the book in it's entirety. If you are wondering what your husband(or wife)is thinking and why he does things that way, great perspective and very visual. The book uses a lot of examples (fairytales like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast, pop culture, Heroes of the Bible) that we can relate to now as metaphors to help the reader understand the point. They also deal really well with the idea of "New Love, Disappointed Love, and Committed Love" and how every relationship will experience all three. Get the book for more information on this- it's fantastic!

Wonderful chapters, super easy read, and who doesn't want to make their great marriage even better? And if you are in the midst of hurt and despair, ready to throw in the towel- the authors give very practical, biblical guidelines to help the reader through "Disappointed Love" and back on the right track in BELIEVING God's way is the best way. Anytime I spend focusing on loving and respecting my husband is not time wasted, and the returns are priceless.
Two chapters, 'The Power of a Woman" and "The Irresistible Man" blew me away. As a woman, you take for granted what your femininity means to your husband- why he would cross hot coals just to pick you a flower when you were dating- and why if you choose not to use that God-given power to benefit your husband once married, you both feel cheated. This has nothing to do with whether or not you look like Megan Fox or have had 10 kids. God gave you to your husband as a gift, regardless of if you were saved before marriage or not. God made men with a missing component that only a woman can fill- I love that this book reminds you of that, and spurs you on to being the "missing link" for your husband. God made a perfect world, and a perfect man- yet in Genesis He said "it is not good for man to be alone"- God did that on purpose.

Barbara goes so far to say "You face the same decision to love your man today. Your husband will never be the man God created him to be if you don't validate his maleness and understand and satisfy his need for sexual intimacy. You are God's primary instrument for love and AFFIRMATION if he is to become God's man. You have the power to make him or break him because men are not born, they are made."
Ladies, how often do you think of your self that way? I know I don't. I want to affirm all that my husband is, but sometimes don't know how. I usually feel like a piece of worn furniture. I might be his favorite piece, but I just blend into the house, useful and comfortable at times- but nothing special. God KNOWS that's not true, and desires for me to be (and act) like so much more to bless my husband. Woohoo! When I read that chapter, I felt like I got a huge raise. No longer a Lazy Boy, now I can be the prized Datsun 360 Z- polished and priceless, bringing my husband great joy, fun, pride, and pleasure. (I know, my imagination is ridiculous, but you get the point.)

All in all, a worthy read alongside your bible study each day. Buy it, borrow it, and see what God does with your heart- and your marriage. God bless you!

"After all, marriage is not just about a grand beginning. It's about committing to a strong finish. It's weathering the storms of disappointment and the turbulence of life, never losing the ability to sing with Solomon, "How delightful is your love...How much more pleasing is your love than wine." (Song 4:10) That, my friend, is a real storybook finish."
Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Nelson Books ISBN 0-7852-0001-0