What's our driving force?

Headed into November with a vengeance! I know I am pathetic, I have been listening to Christmas carols since September, but I didn't go with ONLY Christmas albums until now. I have some self- restraint.

I keep expecting things to slow down and for my worries to go away...and then they don't. I wrack my brain thinking up ways to fix broken relationships that people don't want to fix. As I watch my girl struggle with a broken heart, and shame and guilt, I hurt for her and wonder if she truly knows how God sees her through Jesus, her Savior. As I worry about my men- how tired they are and how hard they work every day just to keep their heads above water- I wonder if they know that the choices they make today will resound into eternity, through the people they love, honor and protect. The anxiety at times is overwhelming, and I pray and pray that they will see blessings and find fulfillment in life. And that's when I realize, if the world is all about me, or all about them- ultimately, my "pursuit" is selfish and in my own best interest.

 I heard something though that helped me stop the "freak out". A speaker posed the question, "What is your driving force? If you are the point of it all, doesn't that make your spouse your maid? Doesn't that put an undue amount of weight on your children to reflect WELL on you?...Our personal self interest shouldn't be the driving force of our life."

Other questions I heard that forced me to consider my focus:
Is this good for ME?
Is this just for ME?
Does this benefit ME?
Does this move ME forward?

Is that how I am living every day? If my husband is ok, then I am ok. If my kids are ok, then I am ok. If my home is in order, then I feel in order. If my career is doing well, it means I am doing well. All of this is internally focused.

The speaker dared to say, "How miserable of a human you are if ultimately everything is about you? The more the world is about you, the more anxiety you are going to feel.
The more the world is about you, the more fear will exist in your heart.
The more the world is about you, the more angry you will be."

How true is that? All my worries are because I sit here focused on our little world, which I can't fix anything in anyways.  I'm constantly worrying how to show my husband how much I respect and love him. I'm afraid Jordan will decide he doesn't need to go to college. I'm afraid that Spencer will regret for the rest of his life the choices he has made with his family. And I get angry at everything, for no reason.

Then I read Matthew 6, and it calms the storm in my heart and reminds me- I am not in control and my "driving force" is, and should be, the hope and trust I have in Jesus. Repeatedly, Jesus pushes us to stop with the appearances, to stop with the stress, and LOOK at Him. He says so clearly, "“ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-34

Our God is for us, He is watching over us, and providing for the things we don't even know yet to ask for. What a comfort that is! Lord, help me to rest in that freedom. Remind me that the smaller my world becomes in my heart, the bigger You will be. 

Matt Chandler from The Village Church was the speaker I heard, and I truly think you would enjoy the full message. I can't do it justice. Here is the media file in case you'd like to hear the whole context. It's worth an hour of your time. Love you, my friend.

Oh, How He Loves Us...

"The whole point of the cross..."

I am His...and that is enough.

One Year Later
Check out the link above. Best random thoughts I have read all year. God, grant us all perspective. No matter what it takes. (Terrifying words to pray!)
"These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ." Colossians 2:17

"It's easy to forget what cold feels like when you're warm."

What a birthday for my girl! She isn't officially 14 until Tuesday, but her party was so much fun this weekend. I loved that the girls she chose to invite were all her TAG buddies, sisters in Christ who love her. It was such a wonderful thing to sit and listen to all these little women talk and laugh- and just be REAL with one another. Middle School is a time of awkwardness and need for approval and each of these ladies probably struggle with self esteem and confidence while they are at school. But Friday night they were safe. Each girl was able to be as silly or as serious as she wanted and it was ok. I just loved that. I loved that they all have different circles of friends at school, but one God that connects them. I love that out of all the "friends" Jasmine has, THESE were the ones she chose to spend her special day with...because she knows they love her no matter what.

As much as I loved it, I noticed the risk of "being comfortable". As I watched them hang together, I thought of all the middle schoolers who don't have that. The kids who walk through the stress of school life everyday, come home to more turmoil, and never have that feeling of love and acceptance that God's family brings. Who never KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that SOMEBODY loves them. It breaks my heart. That don't have a girl's night like I was watching. I wish I could walk over to her middle school and hug each one of them and tell them how much Jesus loves them. Tell them that there is one place that they can always be safe from ridicule and sadness...in the arms of the God who made them.

We listened to a sermon this last week that came to mind after seeing these sweet girls- about the importance of committing to God's calling- to worship and to share God's message. It's based on Colossians 4, kind of weird since this is just a bunch of goodbyes to Paul's friends. But the principle was soooo right on. That we need to aggressively worship our God, aggressively minister to those who need- rather than hanging just with my mature, comfortable fellow believers all the time. The pastor just smokes the idea of the "holy huddle". Not that it isn't important to spend time, like Jasmine and her friends, refreshing our spirits with our brother and sisters in Christ. But in Colossians 4, God makes it very clear that we aren't to just run with "good people". Hanging with the "cool kids", who look good on the outside. God wants us with "FEROCIOUS believers". Check it out. These guys Paul was writing to were ANIMALS- madly in love with God and madly attacking the streets with the love of Jesus Christ. One of the questions the pastor asks is "Are you running in a Moron Herd?" Sounds ridiculous- but it is so true. He states that it seems that mature, grown Christians tend to hang with the same, and immature, foolish Christians tend to flock together. So you have a group that is wise and has knowledge of God's Word, but not sharing it, and vice versa. Something to think about, and something I see as true in so many ways. We want to hang with people like us...yet we need to "mix it up" if we are to be effective. Matt Chandler from The Village Church says it so much better. Here is the link to the message- oh, how I pray you have the chance to listen. I won't ever read Colossians 4 the same again.
http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/resource_files/audio/201009051700FMWC21ASAAA_MattChandler_ColossiansPt20-GospelFarewells.mp3

If I am honest, I choose to spend time with my friends that are "easy", rather than the ones who are more stressed, struggling, or more needy. How shameful. That's not my purpose here. That quote above really hits it home- "It's easy to forget what cold feels like when you are warm." The farther I get from my first taste of God's warmth, the easier it is to forget how badly I needed it. I forget how much the people around me need the warmth of Jesus and His people. And I don't want to forget anymore.

Lord, help me to not grow weary and to be more intentional in my worship of You. Let me worship You by sharing my life, my blessings and my heart with those who need You most.

"...pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ...Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:3-6

(On a lighter note- just wanted you to see what I get to see all the time! My girl is so fun- laughing is our best medicine! :)