Thursday, October 8, 2009

I miss Mayberry...

Busy, busy fall days- you would think I was a chipmunk trying to get ready for winter. (I am Theodore- the fat one) I can't even begin to tell you what all has transpired in the last month and a half, but I can tell you that we are all still alive. Which I suppose is a good thing. :)

School is all consuming, I am getting to teach more now than I did when we were homeschooling! Different ways, but still the same stuff. It is a good thing, because I get to be with my kids, but it is a bad thing too. Instead of having a whole day to do it in, I have to squeeze it into an already "bursting at the seams" evening. We have to cover the traditional curriculum, but also talk about right choices, boyfriends, girlfriends, alcohol, language, honesty...and the list goes on. Add to that the drama our negligent landlord has caused, normal marriage stuff, my crazy work schedule and Steve's new business- and you get a little part of the picture. I suppose this is what normal families have always felt, but for those of you homeschoolers- you can appreciate why I hate it. Life was a lot better ...I mean, life was simpler...then.

I suppose I am just being nostalgic again. God pointed that out to me very clearly today- through a Rascal Flatts song. (It's on my playlist now, just for your entertainment.) Go figure, I don't even particularly like that band, but it was on the radio and it struck me. I just miss Mayberry...I miss when the days were simpler, "sittin' on the porch drinking ice cold cherry Coke, where everything is black and white... watchin' the clouds roll by". I miss when my kids and I would take our school books out on the porch in AZ and learn algebra with the horses as our backdrop. I miss going to the zoo on a Tuesday afternoon while all the "normal kids" were sleeping through English. And I miss the other homeschool moms who wouldn't look at me like I was on another planet if I said I loved teaching my kids more than anything else on earth. OUR world really does "seem like it is spinning faster and faster", and I am not keeping up. I know that is just a feeling, so I am praying that God would help me find my balance again...but today...I just miss Mayberry.

Now I need to quit my whining and put on my thinking cap, pick up my shield of faith- and say "Bring it". Because no matter how much I might wish for a different stage of life, this is the stage we are in now, and it is filled with glorious moments too. I have been so blessed to watch my kids growing and learning through this experience. God gave me a dear sister this morning to encourage my heart through her honesty and trust in me- she reminded me that I never have to feel alone, and isn't all about me. (Shocking...I know) I have a fantabulous husband who humors me with ballroom dancing classes when I feel unloved and slaps me around, figuratively of course, when I need it. He knows me better than anyone and won't let me get away with my pity parties. The God Stops are endless, if I remember to stop and look for them.

I may be homeless, totally screwing up my kids, and feel like I dropped the ball in a million ways- but truth be told...GOD will NEVER fail me. He will never drop the ball, and everything I go through will bring me back to where He wants me...right in the center of His embrace.

"I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." Joshua 1:5


KingsLittleBlessings said...

First of all, you are SO NOT screwing up your kids!! I love your posts, especially your honesty, you are a REAL person. I'm sad you are not homeschooling anymore, but it's so good that you are so very involved with your kids and teaching them not only the basics, but morals and life basics! Just think of all the growing you are doing right now!! Hang in there, it'll get better, and GOD.LOVES.YOU. (I love you too.) :)

Curtis said...

I so feel that too. Life feels out of control, things I plan never happen the way I think they should. I love that song "There's no such thing as a perfect person" I try so hard to be perfect, and the harder I try the more I fail. Reading this reminded me that I don't need to be perfect! My God is perfect! So therefore I don't need to be. It's too hard anyway. Love you girl! Give yourself a big hug from me! And I praise God for such awesome husbands that he gave us!

Love Ya,