I definitely get Job's wife...

What is it about a good story that causes it to stick with us so well? Or a negative one?
 
I heard from a dear friend recently who told me she was losing her faith. That she had prayed and prayed about a broken marriage and the daily struggles, and God never once gave her what she prayed for. She wanted to quit on God, because He had not helped her...ever.

I tried to encourage her with all that I had seen Him do in her life. But she wouldn't hear it. When I told her I would keep praying for her anyways, she said "Good luck."

I get her.

I held the hand of a sweet little mother who had to say goodbye to a much longed for baby. The joy and excitement that came with being an expectant mother was stripped away by her God, in tears and pain. And as I sat with her and cried...she sighed and said "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be His name." Job 1:20

And I get her too. 

One story breaks my heart in it's despair. It is so sad to see someone quit when you know the finish line is just around the bend.

The other story breaks my heart in it's beauty. In the complete surrender of a faith that can be tested in suffering and come out with gratitude. 

How much I wish I could respond like the second woman all the time, but far too often I am the "doubter".
Most of us have heard of Job's wife- the Queen of Negativity. The ultimate "Debbie Downer", before SNL made THAT name popular. If you need a refresher, you can read about her here. The first couple of chapters are all you need to get the picture. Her husband was a righteous dude, she was rich, beautiful likely, with a gaggle of grown children who were the best.

And then God decides to prove a point, with her husband as the focus.

I remember the first few times reading that story and kind of scoffing at Job's wife. (Poor gal- no one even remembers her real name.)

I remember mocking her, as if she some how had acted unreasonably in the face of tragedy.

A decade or so later, I get her. Well, a decade and raising two teenagers helped me to "get her".

I think of her story...the wealth, the children, the LIFE that was stripped away. I think of her only recorded words, as she saw her husband sitting there- covered in nasty boils, with nothing but ashes on his head:
“Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you? Curse God and be done with it!” Job 2:9

Pretty harsh...but I get her. 

What's pathetic is I have absolutely nothing to truly complain about. My life is awesome. Yet, if I chip a nail AND get stopped at a red light in the same hour- I'm distraught for the rest of the day. 

We all have our "Job's wife" attitude at times. Thank God, that there are times we can have a "Job" attitude too. I just hope that I can respond more often as Job did. As that sweet little mother did.

When I break that darn nail, or when life is irrevocably altered..."Blessed be His name."

"Ain't nothin' but a CHURCH thang..."

 
And THIS is the reason we love God's Church. It is such a gift when God shows you clearly the reason doing things His way pays off. More times than not- I ignore Him and feel the consequence, but WOOHOO for when we get it right! (Rare as that might be!)

This last year has been full of ups and downs when it comes to living with people. Whether it be "my people" that share my house, church folk, co-workers, or extended relations, I have felt more often the sharp slice of the old Proverb "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" than any other time of my Christian life. And I honestly was pretty sick of the painful clashing! Who wants to have someone rubbing up on you- scratching away the rough patches, sharpening the dull spots to make you "edgier"? I know- it is meant to be an encouraging verse, but I am ready for the other kind of encouragement. Something that talks about fragrant roses and quiet, soothing creek beds or something. Can't anyone find me THAT kind of encouragement?
In all seriousness, having walking with my family through a tough time and watching the way people view you change so much: changing friends,changing ministry, changing stages; it was sometimes the last thing I wanted to do on any Sunday morning to walk into a church with people who were still the same and looked so together. I would much rather have walked on hot coals, drank a couple gallons of vodka, jumped off a bridge, got in a fist fight, you get the drift. In reality, I would have rather just stayed in bed and watched Little House on the Prairie episodes- but all those other things sound so much more dramatic.

More than anything, we struggled with the mantra: "The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" Proverbs 18:14 I read that so many times, I couldn't help but memorize it. I would tell God- "I just can't. I can't love anymore. I can't fight anymore. I WON'T." I'm sad to admit it.

 But God knows what we need better than we do. Where I thought sticking my head in the sand would be the best thing for me, He challenged me to "not forsake meeting together...love one another with brotherly affection...be devoted to one another...encouraging one another...forgive each other..." SO many "one another" verses! Why couldn't we just ditch and run? Fly solo, be independent of others opinions, needs, feelings? "To each his own" thinking sounded really nice for awhile.
 
 Last week I had read a story- just chugging through my "assigned readings" on auto pilot- but one verse jumped out. In Luke 7, Jesus just finished healing some servant, and as He walked in to the city He saw a large crowd and a weeping mother carrying out her son in a coffin. She was an old widow, and this was her only son. This is the verse that couldn't be ignored:
"When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her, and said to her, “[j]Do not weep.”
Oh, to think that God sees us, and feels COMPASSION for us in our sorrow!

 But Jesus didn't stop with that. Because He is God and can do whatever He wants, the passage goes on to tell us He brings the dude back from the dead and the guy sits up and starts chatting with everyone. Wah! Can you even imagine it?

This is what I love about God's word- it sounds like a fairytale story, but read on: "Fear gripped them all, and they began glorifying God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and, “God has [l]visited His people!” 17 This report concerning Him went out all over Judea and in all the surrounding district." (Luke 7:11-16) People saw this happen, people heard about it, were still alive to dispute it- and nobody did. I am sure many thought it was a trick, but the point is that they heard of it and the dude was walking around to collaborate it. Sooo good!

As I thought about the fact of a compassionate God, I felt ashamed that I so quickly distrust Him. So quickly give up and think He isn't paying attention to the little things that are "crushing" my spirit. I realized how little time I spend focusing on where I see God working. We have amazing friends. They have stood by us when they thought we were crazy. When they thought we were wrong. When they thought we were more a burden than a blessing. For every stinker, our church has two people who truly care. Who are committed to the gospel of Jesus and know that God saves lives, He changes hearts. My daughter and son are the most amazing two people and I see daily how God is growing them. My husband has stood by his family fiercely, in spite of his own struggles. A fellow blogger calls her son-in-law her "son-in-love" because she adores him. I can honestly say the same. I see my "son-in-love" trying so hard through sleepless nights, full time work, full time school, and I am thankful that he still shows up to church every week. No matter how he feels.
 
 It is a wonderful thing to recognize the support and love God's community can provide. In the midst of our troubles, I had several friends express their anger at church folk for what they saw as "punishment" for mistakes that many make. I saw friends leave, saying they were too bothered by how my daughter was treated. I listened to others debate all that was wrong with churches today. I felt it too. I know we are all ugly on the inside sometimes, and do and say hurtful things. My "advice-itis" has done it's own share of damage.

But what those who sit on the sidelines of church don't get to see, is the amazing things God can do through us- the worst of sinners. When we choose to take God at His word, believe that His ways are right even when it hurts, great things happen. Wow.
My daughter has a great big family of women who love her and will help her learn what it takes to do this marriage and mama thing for the long haul. My son and son-in-love have men who will call them out when they are slacking and show them how to step up when needed. Men who will show them how to love their wives and families with "never quit" strength. My husband has friends who understand him. It is almost too much to be thankful for.

(She's obviously found her hands!)

This last Sunday was the first time my little grandbaby- the little girl I will always call my "darling precious"- was awake through a good portion of church. I never get to hold her during church, but this week God gave me the chance. Oh, to see her sweet little face as she slept, hear her soft snores, and then see her big smile as she woke up to Pastor Scott's voice as he taught why GRACE matters. (Usually she just LOUDLY fills her pants while he's preaching!) To stand and sing "In Christ Alone" and watch her stare at the stage, taking it all in. To have a dear sister in Christ sneak over and ask for a turn, and to watch them sing and dance together. The "older women teaching the younger" ALREADY! Just like the book of Titus talks about. THAT is what is great about church! That is the reason God says we are to "do church", even when it's hard.

When I was little and stressed or sad, my dad use to always blow things off by teasing us and saying "It ain't nothing but a thang" and doing a little "Blues Brothers"-type hand jive. All day yesterday, I just kept hearing his deep voice saying:
 "It ain't nothin' but a Church thang."
 I'm so glad God didn't let me jump ship when I wanted to. Because church is a pretty cool "thang".

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:2-5

(Somebody got a new toy, and it's too adorable to see her in it! I can't believe how strong she is and outside a little supporting, she can actually stand in her exersaucer at only a little over 2 months! Too fast!)

Back from the dead...with a bit more "Belief".

I love how I can wake up with a plan, a course of action, an agenda for the day- and within hours, everything can change with a single phone call. Even yesterday, I got a text from one of my girls wanting to spend the evening together, and it was such a perfect opportunity to love on her and catch up after Winter Break. It doesn't seem like much, but for the last couple of months I literally have been dreading the phone so this week's awesome phone calls made me jump for joy!
For weeks, every time my cell buzzes, I flinch- just bracing for impact. I keep expecting another call from an angry family member, a frustrated parent, a depressed teen, or even just a reminder that I forgot something I was suppose to do. I know, what a Debbie Downer I am. I keep turning the worries over to the Lord, but then the sad text or call comes in and the anxiety starts all over again.

Well, Thursday changed my mind! I got a message from a friend to call back ASAP, and it was SO GOOD! Let me start at the beginning-
Sunday morning, New Years Day, we got to church early because my boy was playing drums and I always like to sit close if I can and make faces at him. As we were waiting for church to start, an elderly gentleman behind us literally stopped breathing, and didn't have a pulse. No joke. Long story short, one of our pastors helped me carry him out and we had to preform CPR and attempt to resuscitate him while we waited for the ambulance. It was so sad for me to have to work on this guy with his friends watching, because I know how traumatic chest compressions look to a bystander, and the whole setting was just wrong. If people cry and freak out in the ER when you do CPR, imagine watching the same thing in your Sunday School classroom.

We finally got a very weak pulse, but not a perfusing rate, and very ineffective breathing, so in all honesty, I didn't have much hope. The paramedics arrived, and although they took him to the hospital, I waited all week to hear that he had passed. Then Friday morning. Woohoo! My friend had called to let me know that this sweet man had come out of his coma and was alert, oriented and totally recovering! Seriously, I could not have been more surprised or excited.
I had spent the last couple of weeks worrying about everything- and I felt like the whole crazy Sunday morning miracle was like God saying "Hello! Why do you doubt my strength and my goodness to you? You don't know what to do to help your husband grieve over his loss? I got it. You don't have the money for the Uganda Mission Trip? Trust me. You think your kids are going to grow up and end up homeless or on welfare because of stupid choices? Let me deal with them. You want to be a better person and have more faith? Let me show you how it's done, beloved."

Oh, What a God we have! I just still am reeling at how awesome our God is and how much He wants to teach us and show us a new way of living. I was hanging out in Exodus and reading about Moses and I just kept remembering how often I think, "Lord, I have been trying for like TWO WEEKS...why am I not perfect yet?" And yet here I see Moses, who was 80 before he was ready to go back to Egypt to help free his people, and then still spent another 40 years wandering around the desert trying to figure life out before God finally said, "That'll do" and took him home at the age of 120. So why on earth should I feel I have to have it all together now?
Such a great week of God Stops, and reminders that God is on His throne...and thank God I am not! His ways are wonderful, His timing is perfect and the laughter and joy He brings to our days is priceless. Oh, thank you Lord for helping me "BELIEVE" better and bigger of You, and bringing us back from the dead- sometimes both spiritually AND physically! I can't wait to be perfected by you, Father. But in the meantime, keep changing me and teaching me...make me look more like you. <3
"Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed." 1 Corinthians 15:51-52

(Pictures are just for fun- back in 2006. Reminds me how much things are always changing, and how much we continue to grow. ♥ )

What? It's not all about me?

What a crazy trip. I will mull it over and have many words for you later, but I think the biggest thing I was reminded of this week was that God has His own agenda, and it's always better than mine...even if it cramps my style.

This passage has been my mantra the last 4 days, that I would set aside my own earthly desires and focus on what GOD desires of me. And it has been such a comfort.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4

Spending these days battling the enemy side by side with my daughter was so eye-opening, and really helped me to stop seeing her as my baby girl but a young woman God is growing and training. She is tenacious in her love for her God, and her commitment to staying faithful to Him inspite of the situation. Such an encouragement to this Mama's heart.

Homeward bound!

To Give and Take Away...

First week of homeschooling a Freshman- check. And it wasn't nearly as terrible as I thought it would be! I feel so blessed to have the chance to teach my girl again in a formal way. To do lesson after lesson and see her excel, it's going to be so cool. The talks we have are usually hilarious and always awesome.

This is what we came from-

We started homeschooling in second grade for Jasmine, and Jordan's fourth grade year.
Back then, we needed the classroom, books, globes and various paraphernalia that made me feel like I was not short-changing my kids from a quality education by trying to be their TEACHER. (THAT was a terrifying first week for this OCD mom.)

Pretty quickly, I realized how little they needed all the fluff, but how much I did. The organization and curriculum helped me be consistent, and helped them stay on track. But after a month or so, it just became so much FUN!

Now, we have really scaled down. Still love Abeka curriculum for High School, but the books and the kitchen table have replaced the classroom set up in the garage with all the goodies.

I had no idea how much homeschooling this year would mean to me. This last June found me not just losing the best friend I have had since first grade, but a dear sister. When she took herself out of our life, I truly felt such grief...like nothing I have ever felt. I spent the last few months filling my life with distractions and waking up nearly every morning in tears from horrible, vivid dreams that are filled with her. How pathetic is that? It was amazing that this week, I didn't wake up crying even once. I feel like God has healed my heart so I can finally hear, "I give and take away, and it is always for your good...and for My glory. Bless my name." And truly truly, I can say I want to praise Him. I want to praise Him for the heartache that is teaching me compassion. I want to praise Him for my amazing kids that teach me every day what love and persistence can do. I want to praise Him for my marriage that is a mess at times and always a blessing. I want to praise Him for the friendships and family I still have and cherish. And more than anything, I want to praise Him for the way He surprises me.

I've been reading in John again, knowing how much I need to see Jesus right now, and I found something in Chapter 16 that brought me such comfort. Check it out:
"Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:20-22

I just love that. Jesus was talking about when He would be taken away from the disciples, and trying to explain to them what was going to happen. But for me, what a comfort- to know that I will "see" Him again, see Him with my own eyes and I won't remember what this summer even represented. I seriously don't remember at all the pain of childbirth. I don't remember the 22 hours with Jordan, or the 45 minutes with Jasmine. They both are a blur, but I COMPLETELY remember the moment I saw them. Like it was yesterday. And I still rejoice.

How awesome is my God to write that passage in a way that makes sense to me? When is there ever NOT a time that He doesn't DESERVE my praise? I can't think of one hard thing that has touched my life that hasn't show up to be the road to an amazing blessing. Not one thing. Oh, how I love you, Jesus.

So as we start this new season with my amazing girl studying at home again, with hard work ahead and big goals of graduating with a high school and college degree at the same time in 4 years- I choose to say, "You give and take away, blessed be the name of the Lord!" No more being a big baby and complaining about what I have lost, but shouting out all that the Lord has given. Such a nice place to be.

(Just for fun, here's a picture Jazz took, she's got a really interesting perspective.)

Eye-opening...

What a first week of school! High school is going to be interesting this year, just sayin'.

My man-child really floored me this week with his outlook on life, his attitude, and things I never knew about him. He is trying so much harder at school, which is awesome. Trying harder means he is actually going to turn in his assignments this year. Hurray!

His attitude has gotten better in so many areas, which mean he says "that's just terrible" only 1/3 of the time. Man, I love this guy. He is seriously one of the funniest people I know.

What I didn't know about him is how much he avoids conflict and addressing serious issues. He is usually so dogmatic about things, and I have never known him to not speak his mind, it shocked me to see his discomfort and the "deer in the headlights" look regarding some issues that needed to be discussed. Is the avoidance a guy thing? Maybe. Is it a self defense thing from having a mother who thinks you need to "de-brief" after going to the bathroom? Possibly. Or is he just wired to seek peace even if it means faking things are o.k.? I don't know but he surprised me with his reaction. In spite of it all, it was seriously the best conversation we have ever had. I am so thankful for that.

If you don't know my guy, you are missing out. He's hilarious, and smart and fun. You can catch him with a smirk often, which means he is probably remembering a great joke. He MIGHT share it, depending on if it's appropriate or not. If he deems it's not, he will just keep smirking. He works really hard, and to be honest- if I want something done right at home, I ask him. Things just look nicer if he's done it.

Listening to his heart the other night was so good. We were able to work through so many things, find the evidence that he needed to believe the truths God gives him, and debunk the lies he has been allowing to filter into his mind. He showed courage by choosing to tell a good friend the truth and take a step towards healing. Oh, how proud I am of him. God, do a good work in him- let these truths sit in his heart and change him from the inside. Protect him and fight for him, Lord...and make sure he passes 11th grade! ;)

My mama's prayer:
"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.
(May he) seek you with all (his) heart;
do not let (him) stray from your commands.
(May he hide)your word in (his) heart
that (he) might not sin against you." Psalm 119:9-11

"We are going for the ILLUSION of clean..."

Summer is literally my favorite season. I don't know if it is the blue skies, or the flowers, or the water...I just love summer. My garden has been some what neglected as of late. Due to a couple of people...let's just call them "teenagers"...who keep crazy schedules and are far too distracting. But it still feels good to have fresh flowers in vases, color all around and weeds to pull for a couple more months.

As I have been playing with my kiddos, I have been worrying for them too. There is so much that is changing, and so fast. I get caught up in the details of it all, and God was good enough to remind me this Sunday that it's not the "details" that cause us to fall. It's the HEART. Our intern, Tyler Walsh, gave a great message about how we all want to look good on the outside, but our insides are crap. (He said it much more eloquently, you can listen to the message here.)

But basically, in Acts chapter 5 we read the story of a dude, Ananias and his lady, Sapphira. They are part of the first church of Christians and they want to show off their "godliness" and generosity by giving a buttload of money to the church after they sell off some land. Here's the catch- they decide to lie to everyone and say they gave 100% of the profits, but really they keep some back and only give a portion. SOOOOO dumb, yes? Guess what happens?

"Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him. " Acts 5:3-6

WOW. The first thought I have is "Sucks to be you." But truly, aren't we all like that? How many times do I get bent out of shape because of something my kids do- not because of the damage it causes to their character, but because it embarrasses me? Because it doesn't "look good from the street"? Oh, Lord! Never again let me have a heart like Ananias and Sapphira. Who cared more about appearances then they did about You. Who lived half-hearted lives and ran after pathetic treasures when they already had the best gift of all.

It just keeps coming back to me this week that my panic lately is rooted in self-centered pride. My prayer should not be that my kids do everything "right"- get into the right school, find the right job, marry the right person. My prayer should be that their hearts would be CRAZY for God and His work- that their goal should be to share the gospel and live a life so PLEASING to God, everyone around them can't help but notice the difference. THAT leads to health in all the other areas. And you know what, when my focus is not on "the details" of life but rather the qualities of life, the panic disappears. <3

Lord- help us all to "run the way of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart." Psalm 119:32 That's what ultimately makes the difference between a good life and a great one. Our heart...

And by the way, the wife, Sapphira, drops dead too. Seriously. Crazy stuff.

A time to hope...

Is it possible to be completely at peace in the midst of a struggle? I keep going back to that passage that says "that we might lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way." (1 Timothy 2:2) and realize there is very little "peaceful" or "quiet" about my life. And absolutely nothing "dignified". This last 2 weeks the rare moments of quiet I have been able to find, early in the morning with my Jesus, laying in the backyard with my flowers- all those moments have been riddled with tears and pleading prayers. Nothing really quiet about that.

I suppose it always falls back on the choice. The choice to believe God. To CHOOSE to hope in Him, trust in Him, love Him, and know that He is good and faithful and kind. It amazes me how God uses the strangest moments to teach our hearts. One of our teens reminded me so gently this week that "we are just waiting for the rapture", and that is where my eyes should be. And another of our college girls posted a passage from Hebrews that I have just been going back to again and again- and it brings me joy every time I read it:

"You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. For they heard an awesome trumpet blast and a voice so terrible that they begged God to stop speaking...
No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering...You have come to God himself, who is the judge over all things...You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people..."” Hebrews 12:18-24

How cool is that? That we have not been called to a "Mountain of Doom" as in the past- rules and legalistic religion. But we have been called to a "Mountain of JOY", a relationship with the living God who comforts us and loves us and stands in the gap between our sin and God's righteousness. That we might be saved and live fully. Soooo good.

Thank you, Father, for using the most unexpected people to draw my eyes to Your truth. Thank you that while our hearts are breaking over hurt and the destruction of families we love, You are not surprised or unaware. You are with us and have promised to never leave or forsake us. You are a God of forgiveness and redemption. Oh, how we praise you for that, my King!

Pictures were just to give you a smile- we had a wonderful 4th of July in spite of all the junk, and it was filled with fun, laughter, good food and of course fireworks!

And thank you for laughter, these smiles always make me think:
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. " Psalm 71:14-15

How terrible am I that I am loving a little break from being a wife? Steve is fishing like a mad man with buddies, and I am free to do ANYTHING I want ALL DAY LONG. I sometimes forget how much I really like being by myself, and being irresponsible!

I suppose in reality I have still had home and parenting responsibilities, but I have also had the time to trail ride for 2 hours, read some Ted Dekker books, and just stare at my flowers and thank God for the mercy He has for this sinful daughter of His.

As we were talking last night, God just gently encouraged me that it is ok to tell Him how unfair I think life can be. Watching families around me come apart at the seams breaks my heart, and I just feel so mad about it sometimes. And that makes me think I don't have enough faith. Which I hate. But then God showed me this Psalm and I suppose if David, a "man after God's heart", King of all Israel, mighty man of faith; had the same apprehensions, I am not in such bad company. And my favorite part is at the end- where we ultimately put our trust is all that matters.

"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me." (Psalm 13:1-6)

God bless you with some sunshine today, friend. May He comfort and quiet your heart with the knowledge that He LOVES you, and is GOOD to YOU. Even when you can't see it right off.

Why 87 year olds are cool.

I absolutely love the way a day rolls. It's like what Bilbo Baggins says, "“It’s a dangerous business going out of your door. You step into the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.” That was exactly what God did for me, and I am so glad.

Not so much swept away, but inspired and encouraged. I have been feeling a bit hopeless praying lately. Mostly because I feel like so many people I pray about are lost causes. Horrible, I know. I so easily get discouraged when I look at situations and try to analyze and plan. I go back to Luke 18:1-8, you know the story of the persistent widow, and remind myself that God is good and just, and hears me...I try to see Jesus saying to me, "(Here's a parable)to show (you)that(you)should always pray and not give up." Luke 18:1 And for the moment, all is well. But then I have to pray for them again...and I feel hopeless.

Well, last Wednesday was a day like this. When I arrived to my sweet 87 year old patient's (Mr. Sweet, let's call him) house to do his wound care, I was very BLAH. Spent my drive to east county praying half-halfheartedly and wondering if I should quit and find a more interesting thing to pray about. Like maybe a new Dodge Ram pickup truck. Got inside and settled my big guy into bed, taking the dressings off his feet and telling him jokes.

What you should know about this gentleman is he was a fighter pilot in his day, and speaks with a wonderful Texan drawl. He also is completely, and pleasantly, demented and really can't carry on a conversation but just points to pics of his family and babbles. Real words, but with no rhyme or reason most of the time. His main phrases are "Why, sure!" and "Easy there". Being effected by dementia and a stroke, I see him struggling to find words to tell me what he wants or needs, or about his family- but he can't form them. So he says one or two words, then lays back and stares at the wall.

This day was different, and it was a total God thing. Here I was, doing the mundane and with a dis-interested heart. Mr. Sweet keeps pulling his foot up (making changing his bandage very difficult) until I stare right into his eyes in exasperation. And he proceeds to open his mouth, and in the clearest, richest old man voice...he starts to sing me "Amazing Grace". Every word of the first 2 verses clear and precise. Oh, Lord- you are GOOD. I bet it was fun to see this "know it all" girl's jaw drop. I couldn't hold the tears as I thanked God for His faithfulness in the light of my unfaithfulness. Seeing Mr. Sweet smile at me and sing of God's Amazing Grace was the best moment I've had with the Lord in weeks. No matter how demented, ill, or impaired Mr. Sweet is- the words that must have meant so much to him in youth are still in there somewhere, and he can still sing God's praises. Even better, he can still minister and encourage a weak sister in Christ. Oh, it was good.

As I listened to Mr. Sweet round the chorus again, he smiled at me and said, "Your turn." Hahahaha! No word finding issues there. Those that have heard me sing probably cringe (no one willingly asks me to sing) but sing I did for the audience of Two. And as big as Mr. Sweet smiled, I know God was smiling bigger. Probably laughing at what a goomba of a daughter He has...and feeling my gratitude that He loves me anyways.

I felt like this moment was God's promise that I would always be able to come back to singing His praise for the grace He has given. There is never a lost cause, or a reason to lose hope- because Jesus is REAL, God is on His throne, and the end is secure. And just for fun, Our God is the kind who will use a demented, stroke effected, 87 year old Texan to take this little girl to Sunday School one last time. <3

(Pictures are just for fun...Spring Break beach trip that was too short but so refreshing. There are a few good things about the Northwest.;)