"A little bird told me..."

(You turn your back for a minute...and she's off adventuring!)

November has come crashing in and I can't remember where the last two months have gone. With changes at work, new things to learn, family to love and life to live it's a miracle the animals are still alive and the house isn't totally trashed. Each day just keeps reminding me that every minute needs to be cherished. It all changes so fast.

I was at IHOP the other day...by myself... eating pancakes... and bacon. I don't like IHOP. I actually think it's pretty gross. But it's a place my kids really liked, and I was missing them and being sentimental. Having "grown up kids" is kind of lame sometimes. They have things like college and jobs and their own families which makes them less available to me. What's up with that?

(Bumble Bee B-B!)

Anyways...sitting at IHOP, eating my pancakes gave me a great opportunity to be random and let my mind wander. I heard a sermon that prompted to read Ecclesiastes 10. Great text, really cheerful and encouraging. It says things like "As dead flies give perfume a bad smell so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor."
 Or even more fun: "Even as fools walk along the road, they lack sense and show everyone how stupid they are."

Some of my favorite passages are in Ecclesiastes simply because of how sarcastic it can be. Let's really take it out of context for a minute. Look what verse 19 says and run with it:
 "A feast is made for laughter,
    wine makes life merry,
    and money is the answer for everything."

Woohoo! Did the Bible just tell me to eat everything I want, drink like a sailor and all I have to do is have lots of money to be happy? YESSS.(No, it did NOT say that.)

Like I said, great lunchtime reading for you. In reality and read in CONTEXT, those chapters just kept bringing back the fact that- I have been a "fool" more times than I would like to remember. 
We all have I would say. 
I have made unwise choices (verses 2-3), I've said things I wanted to take back because of "foolish lips" (verse 12), and I have hurt people with those fool hardy choices. In verse 13 it says that our foolish words:
"At the beginning (are folly); at the end they are wicked madness..."

(Who knew Willie from Duck Dynasty would come visit Brielle for Halloween? She wasn't a fan of him. ;)

How tragic when I think about what "wicked madness" my foolishness has caused. Steve and I often say we spent the first half of our lives being ridiculous, we wonder what we will do with the second half. Terrifying thought.

The great thing about that lonely lunch date at IHOP was that after I got done laughing and crying over the sarcasm and my guilty conscious...it also reminded me that God never leaves us on the "down note" for long. It put into my day the grace God has for all of us. How good is He that he lets us feel the weight of our foolishness, so that it would move us to make live better. To seek and find wisdom through Him. To make amends and to say "I'm sorry". It challenges us to do something- to try, to learn, to grow, to make peace. 
  
Random wanderings...Ecclesiastes made me sorry for the people I have hurt with my foolishness, and sorry for the fact that being "sorry" sometimes isn't good enough. There are some relationships that just won't be fixed. Yet, Romans 12:18 straight up tells us that we are to:
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

(Love these faces!)

How do we live at peace, when we sin and hurt each other? The grief comes in when I see the foolish deeds I have done, and I can't find a way to make it right.
But even then, God provides a way to heal our hearts in the same verse that pushes us to be peacemakers. God finds a way to be gracious to us. He says "if it is possible, as far as it depends on you..."
That leads to the assumption that He knew there would be times that in spite of your best efforts to reconcile, they just aren't gonna have it. And that's ok.
One pastor explained it like this:
"That means there are times where you're going to have to own your part and the reciprocity won't be there."
And it doesn't really matter. How other respond, how it all turns out...doesn't matter as long as you tried "as far as it depends on you."

So random, but it was nice to have time to just be. To eat a pancake and think about whatever God brought to mind and how it all ties together in this crazy thing called life.

Thank you, Lord, that all we can do is our best. Thank you for your humor, and for telling it like it is. Forgive us for being foolish so often, and help us have soft hearts towards you. Show us if we have wronged someone and need to apologize, or if it's time we forgave that other person who hurt us. Turn us from silly fools into a people who are wise beyond our years because we have hidden your word in our hearts.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

"Ain't nothin' but a CHURCH thang..."

 
And THIS is the reason we love God's Church. It is such a gift when God shows you clearly the reason doing things His way pays off. More times than not- I ignore Him and feel the consequence, but WOOHOO for when we get it right! (Rare as that might be!)

This last year has been full of ups and downs when it comes to living with people. Whether it be "my people" that share my house, church folk, co-workers, or extended relations, I have felt more often the sharp slice of the old Proverb "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" than any other time of my Christian life. And I honestly was pretty sick of the painful clashing! Who wants to have someone rubbing up on you- scratching away the rough patches, sharpening the dull spots to make you "edgier"? I know- it is meant to be an encouraging verse, but I am ready for the other kind of encouragement. Something that talks about fragrant roses and quiet, soothing creek beds or something. Can't anyone find me THAT kind of encouragement?
In all seriousness, having walking with my family through a tough time and watching the way people view you change so much: changing friends,changing ministry, changing stages; it was sometimes the last thing I wanted to do on any Sunday morning to walk into a church with people who were still the same and looked so together. I would much rather have walked on hot coals, drank a couple gallons of vodka, jumped off a bridge, got in a fist fight, you get the drift. In reality, I would have rather just stayed in bed and watched Little House on the Prairie episodes- but all those other things sound so much more dramatic.

More than anything, we struggled with the mantra: "The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" Proverbs 18:14 I read that so many times, I couldn't help but memorize it. I would tell God- "I just can't. I can't love anymore. I can't fight anymore. I WON'T." I'm sad to admit it.

 But God knows what we need better than we do. Where I thought sticking my head in the sand would be the best thing for me, He challenged me to "not forsake meeting together...love one another with brotherly affection...be devoted to one another...encouraging one another...forgive each other..." SO many "one another" verses! Why couldn't we just ditch and run? Fly solo, be independent of others opinions, needs, feelings? "To each his own" thinking sounded really nice for awhile.
 
 Last week I had read a story- just chugging through my "assigned readings" on auto pilot- but one verse jumped out. In Luke 7, Jesus just finished healing some servant, and as He walked in to the city He saw a large crowd and a weeping mother carrying out her son in a coffin. She was an old widow, and this was her only son. This is the verse that couldn't be ignored:
"When the Lord saw her, He felt compassion for her, and said to her, “[j]Do not weep.”
Oh, to think that God sees us, and feels COMPASSION for us in our sorrow!

 But Jesus didn't stop with that. Because He is God and can do whatever He wants, the passage goes on to tell us He brings the dude back from the dead and the guy sits up and starts chatting with everyone. Wah! Can you even imagine it?

This is what I love about God's word- it sounds like a fairytale story, but read on: "Fear gripped them all, and they began glorifying God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and, “God has [l]visited His people!” 17 This report concerning Him went out all over Judea and in all the surrounding district." (Luke 7:11-16) People saw this happen, people heard about it, were still alive to dispute it- and nobody did. I am sure many thought it was a trick, but the point is that they heard of it and the dude was walking around to collaborate it. Sooo good!

As I thought about the fact of a compassionate God, I felt ashamed that I so quickly distrust Him. So quickly give up and think He isn't paying attention to the little things that are "crushing" my spirit. I realized how little time I spend focusing on where I see God working. We have amazing friends. They have stood by us when they thought we were crazy. When they thought we were wrong. When they thought we were more a burden than a blessing. For every stinker, our church has two people who truly care. Who are committed to the gospel of Jesus and know that God saves lives, He changes hearts. My daughter and son are the most amazing two people and I see daily how God is growing them. My husband has stood by his family fiercely, in spite of his own struggles. A fellow blogger calls her son-in-law her "son-in-love" because she adores him. I can honestly say the same. I see my "son-in-love" trying so hard through sleepless nights, full time work, full time school, and I am thankful that he still shows up to church every week. No matter how he feels.
 
 It is a wonderful thing to recognize the support and love God's community can provide. In the midst of our troubles, I had several friends express their anger at church folk for what they saw as "punishment" for mistakes that many make. I saw friends leave, saying they were too bothered by how my daughter was treated. I listened to others debate all that was wrong with churches today. I felt it too. I know we are all ugly on the inside sometimes, and do and say hurtful things. My "advice-itis" has done it's own share of damage.

But what those who sit on the sidelines of church don't get to see, is the amazing things God can do through us- the worst of sinners. When we choose to take God at His word, believe that His ways are right even when it hurts, great things happen. Wow.
My daughter has a great big family of women who love her and will help her learn what it takes to do this marriage and mama thing for the long haul. My son and son-in-love have men who will call them out when they are slacking and show them how to step up when needed. Men who will show them how to love their wives and families with "never quit" strength. My husband has friends who understand him. It is almost too much to be thankful for.

(She's obviously found her hands!)

This last Sunday was the first time my little grandbaby- the little girl I will always call my "darling precious"- was awake through a good portion of church. I never get to hold her during church, but this week God gave me the chance. Oh, to see her sweet little face as she slept, hear her soft snores, and then see her big smile as she woke up to Pastor Scott's voice as he taught why GRACE matters. (Usually she just LOUDLY fills her pants while he's preaching!) To stand and sing "In Christ Alone" and watch her stare at the stage, taking it all in. To have a dear sister in Christ sneak over and ask for a turn, and to watch them sing and dance together. The "older women teaching the younger" ALREADY! Just like the book of Titus talks about. THAT is what is great about church! That is the reason God says we are to "do church", even when it's hard.

When I was little and stressed or sad, my dad use to always blow things off by teasing us and saying "It ain't nothing but a thang" and doing a little "Blues Brothers"-type hand jive. All day yesterday, I just kept hearing his deep voice saying:
 "It ain't nothin' but a Church thang."
 I'm so glad God didn't let me jump ship when I wanted to. Because church is a pretty cool "thang".

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:2-5

(Somebody got a new toy, and it's too adorable to see her in it! I can't believe how strong she is and outside a little supporting, she can actually stand in her exersaucer at only a little over 2 months! Too fast!)

Dr. Seuss never fails...

(Don't be horrified! Our plan was to throw the baby if Mindy spooked. Bahahaha!)

In the midst of national madness, we can still feel God's provision. Right when I decided to take a break from my social media sites, the bombing in Boston happened. Steve keeps me updated on the findings, but it's a relief not to have the gory details right in my face all day long on my Facebook/Twitter/etc etc- and instead be able to just pray for the post trauma of those who were directly affected. When you think about the fraility of life, the sanctity of it...makes you want to hug and kiss your people and not take a day for granted, doesn't it?

The last couple of weeks in the contentment study we have been working through, God keeps asking us to be content in our roles, content in our relationships. Whoohoo- easy to say! But so incredibly hard to do. Why is it that it takes tragedy to open our eyes and push us to be thankful for what we do have? I wish I knew. It reminds me of a Dr. Seuss quote I use to love:
"Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple."

(Found our happy place!)

It's a simple thing to look at what is in front of me, rather than look for what I wish was.
It's a simple thing to read the Good Book and believe it, rather than question why it's so hard.
It's a simple thing to trust that God is at work in the world, rather than focus on the ugly.
It's a simple thing to enjoy my work each day, rather than dream that someone else will do it.
It's a simple thing to just love...to forgive...to pray...to listen.

My study this week ended with committing to "secret choices" we can make regarding relationships in our lives. The idea was "What I choose to be, What I choose to do, What I choose to say". I love that because it reminds me: We can't control anyone around us- their choices, their lives. But we can control ours. We can trust God to be acting in it.

(Oh, I missed seeing this!)

The author shared hers:
"What I choose to be- faithful to God.
What I choose to do- forgive others, go beyond forgiveness
What I choose to say- words of blessing and love."                       Dillow, Calm My Anxious Heart
                                                                                                                                 page 82

What are your "secret choices", friend? Make today count for eternity.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." -Dr. Seuss

(Training up the next generation of CowGirl! Brielle loved looking at Mindy's "spots")

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves...Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse...If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
(Romans 12:9-10, 14, 18)

(Had to share this song. I am glad my kiddos are growing up...but can't lie. This song has been breaking my heart all week. Both kids graduated by June, daughter married with her own family...I kinda miss this. ;)

"Spray and Pray"...Machine guns and love, what a combo!

Have I mentioned lately that I love my husband? Even though half the time I drive him crazy (alright, alright- 75% of the time), he never fails to give me exactly what I need.

I was fretting as usual last week when Steve calmly turned to me and said plainly, "Spray and pray, baby. Spray and pray." Say what? Momentarily speechless (it does happen), I just stared at him and he just looked back at the road and continued driving along his merry way.

Well, really. I had to ask for an explanation and once I got it, I just laughed out loud. Apparently, Steve had hear this phrase years ago about epic machine gun battles. When you are pinned down and have nothing else you can do, you just stick your arm out of the hideout and "spray" bullets and "pray" you hit something. Steve felt that this would be the most appropriate thing to say to me in the midst of my rantings, and it worked. Now, I haven't decided if he just wanted to startle me into silence so he could turn up the radio without being rude- or if he actually had thought it was the perfect motto for me. I never can tell with this guy. But what I can say...was yet again, it was just what I needed to hear.

As we talked about the idea, he reminded me that ultimately all my worrying for others was doing no one any good. Myself, my family, or the hurting. He said that if I would just "spray" all the love that I COULD out on every person I connected with each day, and "pray" that God would do what He wanted with that love...guaranteed everything would work out just dandy. I love that burly man. Leave it to him to identify heavy gunfire with love and kindness! So good.

Oh, the peace that settled on my heart that day. And ever since, when I start to panic and try to plan WHAT I need to do to make a difference, God just gently reminds me to "Spray and Pray, baby."

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves....Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need." Romans 12:9-13