Monday, July 28, 2008

Friendship- old photos from 2005

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

True friends are- truly- irreplacable. I have been blessed with the opportunity to visit with my dear friend, Dianna, over the next few days- and it amazes me that when someone is a "kindred spirit", you can not see them for months, or years, and pick up right where you left off. I have a few friends like that- all God sisters- and I know they are gifts to make this world bearable. Thank you, Lord, for that.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

How to dance in the rain...

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Make it happen, Lord.

The over protection of American children is getting ridiculous. And I am guilty of it too. The more I read about it, the more I cringe to realize the damage we are doing, and the "emasculating" that is occuring in our wonderful country- under the pretense of love and good parenting.
So I am on a mission to find out what things I can change, what I can let go of, how I have been stifling my children's curiosity and courage, and praying that God would change me now before I completely ruin them. :) Well, not really- but the last few weeks I have been thinking about it a lot, and know it is time to make a change. Studies have shown that hyper, over-protective moms tend to raise anxious, fearful kids, and that stinks. We don't let our children play on safe streets because we fear kidnapping, their coach yells at them and we hold a "meeting", they forget their lunch money, and we zoom to McDonalds to cover their butts- rather than letting them feel the consequences and learn.
"Ultimately, kids need to learn how to fly, and we must ask: Just how strong can their wings get when they're never allowed to use them?" Paul Coughlin

Saturday, July 19, 2008

VBS rocks!

Wow! What a week- I can't even begin to describe all that I learned this week- and vacation bible school is for the kids! Hahaha I guess God truly does use all things for our good, and for our growth. I had been struggling with so many things- tossing them back and forth in my head, trying to fix it all, and forgetting I can't really change anything.
I can honestly say that I haven't been this encouraged in months, or felt more free. Forgiveness is such a freeing choice- that we do have to make every day sometimes- but it gives us the ability to look not to ourselves, but to God, and give up any opportunity we might try to take for our own personal revenge on someone who has wronged us.
The theme for VBS this year was "Power Lab", and it was so cool because each day, as I heard the kids talking about the power Jesus gives us to be thankful, to give, and to be saved- it reminded me that I make things WAY too complicated. Thank you, God, for reminding me that I need to come to you as "one of these little ones"- pure and innocent of heart, and with no thought of fixing things on my own. I need to let you kiss the "skinned knees" and "bumped heads" in my life, and trust that what you are doing is enough.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I think he read my journal when he wrote this...

Well, here I am in a river of questions.
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear.
I see this life, it's valleys and mountains-
and I think of all the roads that brought me to here.

Well, I've questioned my reasons, this life I'm living-
I question my ability, to judge wrong from right.
Well, I've questioned all the things, I've ever called certain-my race,
my religion, my country, my mind.

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.

Well, I've questioned significance, meaning, and relevance-
does the work I'm doing, really matter at all?
Well, I've questioned my friendships, alliance, dependence-
who will still be here, when I fall?

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.
Hold me, Lord- I need your love.

Only one thing doesn't change, only one thing stays the same-
all I know at the end of the day, your love remains.

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.
- Paul Coleman

Why I don't have to know why God does what He does...

This was so what I needed to read today. Often I wonder why God works the way He does, and aren't there easier ways to grow me than pain and suffering, than skinned knees and bumped heads. John Piper made it very clear why God doesn't give us "micro reasons for pain" but allows us to see the "macro reasons" later- we just aren't God. hehehe Pretty good reason if you ask me.

"But we can always object that there are other easier ways for God to accomplish those things. We want to know more specifics: Why now? Why this much? Why this often? Why this way? Why these people?

The problem is, we would have to be God to grasp all that God is doing in our problems. In fact, pushing too hard for more detailed explanations from God is a kind of demand that we be God.

Think of this, you are a blacksmith making horseshoes. You are hammering on a white hot shoe and it ricochets off and hits you in the leg and burns you. In your haste to tend to your leg you let the shoe alone unfinished. You wonder why God let this happen. You were singing a hymn and doing his will.

Your helper, not knowing the horseshoe was unfinished gathered it up and put it with the others.

Later there was an invasion of your country by a hostile army with a powerful cavalry. They came through your town and demanded that you supply them with food and with shoes for their horses. You comply.

Their commander has his horse shoed by his own smith using the stolen horseshoes, and the unfinished shoe with the thin weak spot is put on the commander’s horse.

In the decisive battle against the loyal troops defending your homeland the enemy commander is leading the final charge. The weak shoe snaps and catches on a root and causes his horse to fall. He crashes to the ground and his own soldiers, galloping at full speed, trample him to death.

This causes such a confusion that the defenders are able to rout the enemy and the country is saved.

Now you might say, well, it would sure help me trust God if he informed me of these events so that I would know why the horseshoe ricocheted and burned my leg. Well maybe it would help you. Maybe not. " - John Piper

Disgusting World...

This article stunned me- I know this world is ugly sometimes, but prepping teens for sex changes IN CASE they want to become transsexuals someday? What is wrong with these parents and medical professionals?!?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

True friends

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27 :5-7

I think there are too many "enemies" out there, masquerading as friends.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Vote or boat?

Interesting article. I don' think there is a feminist out there who would have stayed on the Titanic for principle if given the choice. Blah! The Time article from 1998 that outcried the "sexist heroes" of Titanic fails to note that the majority of women don't become fighter pilots, combat veterans, etc- nor do they want to.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Yet again, surprised.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return. " I no sooner woke up after writing that last post, and God gave me the opportunity to put my theory to test- "no more boxes- no more regrets", and I was failing miserably. Pretty much a terrible day, pretty much a terrible attitude, and no way to figure out how to change my heart. Then Guy, my father in law sends me one of those chain emails that I never read. Yet, surprise- I read it and saw the quote above. Thank you, God for that. No matter how bummed I feel, I get to experience that feeling. There are too many who died too young, or lived too alone. I might hate where I am at emotionally right now, but I need to remember that God's reasoning is WAY better than mine, and his plan will win. To change my heart, I HAVE to change my focus... and when that fails, and I keep wondering why the "bad guys" keep winning, I need to turn to His Word and remember that God is the one keeping track.
But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out. The LORD is King for ever and ever; the nations will perish from his land. You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more. " Psalm 10-14-18

Friday, July 11, 2008

Old times, new times, and in-between times.

What memories we have- and how funny that we can remember the same event, or person, but recount it so differently. Depending on our personalities, frame of mind, and perspective, that same event can be wonderful to one person, and terrible to the next. I remember this photo, and wanting to cry for joy over these sweet girls, and my Jasmine remembers how much she wanted to get back home so she could swim with Katie in the pool! These last few months I have been "remembering" a lot, and trying to place all these thoughts in little boxes, good, bad, not worth remembering, etc. Unfortunately, I have been very unsuccessful. I can't seem to fit any of them in one box. So many events, choices, people in my life can be considered "bad", "good" or even "well worth it".
I was talking with an old friend last night, after I called her to see if she could convince me to not drown my sorrows in an entire box of Krispy Kremes, and after hanging up the phone, I tried to put our memories, and relationship into a box. I have experienced so many things with this woman, watched our babies grow to teens, laughed, cried, fought, prayed, learned. I miss her terribly some days, those old times, and other times I know that life must go on- and there are so many new memories to make.
So, I have finally come to terms with my "boxes". That they are really a bunch of bull. I don't want to try to over simplify things anymore, to label them. I know that what the Word teaches is the only thing "good", that since He is a part of my life, the experiences I have are either directed or allowed by the Creator of the Universe, and that is all that I need to know. I am not going to play the "what if" game anymore. I don't want to keep saying "did I do the right thing"- I want to walk away and truly say I have no regrets. Not anymore. Every "mistake" has taught me something, changed me in some way. Every blessing has grown me, and made me "better". So, for today, I will remember what the blood of Jesus has really done for me- NO REGRETS, because how can I regret things that God no longer remembers? How can I be sorry for choices that brought me closer to Him? Thank you, Lord, for friends and family, for life, and breath, and everything else. And I will try not to regret the donuts. ;)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thank you.

Thank you, God- for giving us the ability to love- and play.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


My kids are currently spending the night at my brother's house, and I am wondering how I can possibly ever tell my son how much I adore him. I don't know why I am thinking of it tonight, but he is just such a phenomenal kid, I can't help but feel that I take him for granted a lot of the time. He is incredibly smart, super funny, and so willing. If I am honest, I know I am an overbearing, control freak- and yet, my thirteen year old son still hangs out with me. There are some days where I see the "face"- you know the one you gave your mom when you thought she was being a total spaz- but even then, he tries to humor his crazy mother. Even the photo on this post is an example of how awesome he is. Horses are my thing, not his, yet here he was as an eight year old, riding a crazy Arab, just to hang out with his mom.
Jordan is just such a cool kid, and this short time I have with him, to see him every morning, and hug him every night, is going way too fast. How do you tell a thirteen year old, you really like them? How do I help him know that no matter what choices he makes in life, no matter what excellent accomplishments or terrible mistakes he makes, I will always be proud of him, and love him for who he is- the Jordan that God made, unique and totally original?

Great thought from Challis Dot Com

"In his Old Testament Theology, Bruce Waltke is careful to prove that gender roles and differences are rooted not in society and culture but in creation. He shows that, though men and women have been created equal, man was to take the leadership role in family and in the church. This is not a result of the fall into sin but a part of the created order. This brief quote stood out to me as an example of godly submission and one that is, of course, exceedingly counter-cultural. Here we see submission not as suffering but as a glorious and meaningful expression of faith.

Mary’s response to the angel’s announcement that she would be with child, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said,” models for Christian women an obedience she offers out of her freedom, her independence, and her thoughtful commitment so that her submission is meaningful and glorious, not a passive resignation to her fate.

May we all learn from Mary’s example and submit well to those God has placed over us."

Amen to that.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

"The Shack" stinks!

So- I have been stewing over this for a few weeks now, and today I just can't be silent. A current best seller, The Shack, is probably one of the most frustrating books I have been forced to read in at least 5 years. Now, I can't say I was forced exactly, but when a friend asks my opinion on something, I don't feel I can honestly give it unless I have at least attempted to give it a fair shake. This book was written by an Oregonian named William P. Young, and after reading his bio on his blog, I knew the book was going to be new age garbage. But- again, I didn't want to jump to conclusions, considering my dear friend was really enjoying it, and another fellow Christian had expressed excitement over meeting the author. So, I suffered through a few hours of torture, and now I can honestly say this book is one that should be used as fire starter at my next campout. I wouldn't mind if this was just a fiction book geared towards those who like to put God in a pretty little box and take him out periodically like an acessory. But the fact that "strong Christians" are raving about this book, and the senior pastor at Crossroads has passed this book out to thousands of worshippers for free and raved about the "wonderful picture of the relationship between the three persons" (ie the Trinity) has sent me over the edge. HELLO! Anyone read their Bibles anymore? Anyone listening to their gut when they feel the twinge as they hear the Father (who is characterized as an old African woman) tell the man "we are all in submission to each other, just as we are to you", a human! When do you ever read of The Father submitting to the Son? And when did Jesus ever submit to us? When He went to the cross- He clearly stated He was submitting to the Father's will.
Ok, so I will stop speed typing now, and instead of trying to do what has already been done very well, I would like to share with you the website below for a very thorough, very well written review of The Shack, and encourage you to decide for yourselves. I can bet this book will come up in some conversation in the next few months, or years (as I can't seem to get away from it), and it would be prudent to know what you think. Both of my fellow Christians who have brought it up to me have admitted there were parts of the book that put up some yellow lights, but they chose to ignore them. Fine, ignore it when you are reading a pointless fiction novel, or an silly blockbuster movie that really doesn't have to do with anything, but not when someone is speaking directly about the Savior of your life, or the Creator of our Universe, ok?

Study up, my friends, and don't decide to do what the majority says- counter the culture and dare to be different. Test everything you read, or hear, and determine if it matches up with what you know, and what the Scripture teaches. Off my soapbox, and on to reading something that might actually help me grow, instead of pull me back in to a liberal, lazy existence.