The best "Dear Daughter" letter I have read in a long time.

Read this blog post at Kim Keller's site and had to pass it along. I didn't "see" what Miley Cyrus did at the VMA's, but it must have been a doozy.

More striking to me is how much this mother's heart resounds with me. I still wish we had locked our daughter in a basement for about 6 years, but hind sight is 20/20, right? ;)If only I had know "twerking" might have solved all her issues! Bahahaha!

Honestly, I feel that I have the best daughter in the world. She amazes me every day with who she is. As she starts a new job, prepares for college and cares for her husband and child, I am soooo proud of all that she is, and all that God is doing in her life.

But as parents, I think we all have struggled with the "what do I do now?" moments. This post made me laugh... as well as pray harder for my girl as she raises her beautiful daughter, and my boys as they navigate this crazy world. May they be "shrewd as vipers, yet innocent as doves".

"Dear Daughter,
Let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.

Yes, this is what happens when you constantly hear everything you do is awesome. This is what happens when people fawn over your every Tweet and Instagram photo. This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance.

If you ever even consider doing something like that, I promise you that I will run up and twerk so you will see how ridiculous twerking looks. I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout like an overheated hound dog. I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public.

Why would I do that? Because I love you and I want you to respect yourself. Miley Cyrus is not edgy or cool or sexy. She’s a desperate girl screaming for attention: Notice me. Tell me I’m pretty. See how hot I am. I know all the guys want me. All the girls want to be me.

 You probably know girls who will emulate this behavior at the next school dance. Don’t do it with them. You are far too valuable to sell yourself so cheaply. Walk away. Let the boys gawk and know in your heart that they see only a body that can be used for their pleasure and then forgotten.

I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt sad because I haven’t gushed over everything you’ve done. My role is to praise when praise is due, but also to offer constructive criticism and correction when it is needed as well. I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt demoralized because your Instagram following isn’t in the thousands, and I’m sorry those “selfies” can never capture how amazingly beautiful you truly are.

I’m sorry if you’ve ever wished you had a friend instead of a mom, and I promise you that I will probably get worse when you hit high school.

 Dear daughter, I am going to fight or die trying to keep you from becoming like the Miley Cyruses of the world.

You can thank me later."
(Excerpt taking from http://roadkillgoldfish.com/ with all rights to Kimberly Keller)

So that is what happened to my chihuahua!!

Needed a laugh today...hope it brought you one. Click on the picture for the LARGE effect!

For my dear cyclist friends- don't hitch a ride!

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours he hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going too fast to honk the horn on his bike and he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes--both going well over 120 mph--blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, "And you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass".

Noah's Wife

"A preacher, ending his sermon, announced that he would preach on Noah and his Ark on the following Sunday and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of Sunday school boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story of the Flood in the Bible, so they de-cided to have some fun. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

On the next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. ‘Noah took unto himself a wife.’ he began, ‘and she was’ -- he turned the page to continue -- ‘three hundred cubits long, fifty cu-bits wide and thirty cubits high.’

He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back and read it silently, turned the page. Then he looked up at his congregation and said. ‘I’ve been studying this Bible for almost fifty years, but there are still some things in it that are hard to believe.’" Creative Youth Ideas.Com

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Gotta love those naughty kids...

Makes sense to an 8 year old...

GOTTA LOVE LITTLE BOYS
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,
picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the
checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy,
'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The pharmacist continued, 'Do you know what
these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV that if you use these, you would
be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.
Right now, he can't do none of those'.

AMAZING women drivers!

This made my day- thank you, MR. MASTERS. A friend of ours had this posted on his facebook- and I just had to share it with you. Hehehehe

Best Craigslist ad EVER!

Too crazy of a day to be thoughtful and ponder my existence, my back is broke from trimming my horses hooves, and my daughter planned a movie night for us- but had to send along this ad Steve posted. It is hilarious. Now I want an Xterra.

"NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )
Reply to: sale-945361858@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-04, =:15PM MST

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or OnStar (real men don't even know what the heck OnStar is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your .50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.


My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Oh yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 39,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on."

Thank you.

Thank you, God- for giving us the ability to love- and play.

Ask Calvin's dad

Calvin's dad answering questions, quoted from various Calvin and Hobbes books

Q. Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?A. That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.Q. Where does the sun go when it sets?A. The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks there are so red.Q. Don't the people get burned up?A. No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.Q. Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?A. Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.Q. I thought I read that the sun was really big.A. You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.

Q. Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?A. If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything.

Q. How do bank machines work?A. Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
Q. What causes the wind?A. Trees sneezing.

Q. Why does ice float?A. Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.

Q. How come you know so much?A. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

Your mama...

"Your mama" jokes- whoever made those up? I have been listening to my kids make jokes all morning, and they just keep getting more and more funny. Is that possible? I love that kids can tell great jokes without them getting raunchy. At least most kids! There are so many movies I would love to see, but the crude jokes ruin them. I know people like Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, etc could make hilarious movies, without getting gross, if they wanted to. Why won't they? I bet I can guess.