So THIS is what I have been missing...

(Best moving crew ever- and they accept their payment in Blind Onion Pizza!)

One week later, and I think I more fully understand why the Lord said "and that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife.." I have spent this week rearranging my entire house, decorating my bird room, setting up a game room, and realizing that there are benefits to having your children grow up and move away.

(But don't leave the movers alone with the baby!!!)

Now, I have to admit I still spend at least a couple hours a day laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what to do with my day. But it is a wonderful thing that my darling daughter and her husband's daily dramas and concerns are no longer rolling through my home. It is pretty peaceful to not have the hustle and bustle of newlyweds and babies right in the midst of dinner ever night.

(Bee was a great helper to her mother...sort of.)

I miss the spontaneous conversations and jokes that were part of being a family. I miss hearing my daughter laugh down the hall and walking into a room to my grandbaby's happy smile all the time. But there's so much more to be thankful for. Pushing them to move out all these months couldn't have brought more blessings. Because of family dynamics, Jasmine was never able to entertain her in-laws in our house no matter how much we wanted to, now she has had the opportunity to open up her own home and have Brielle's grandparents and even great-grands over to make wonderful memories. Spencer can come home from work and just relax, not having to share his girls with 3 other adults. I truly am so happy for my kiddos, and thankful for the way the Lord has abundantly met their needs.

(Big brother had to check out the new digs.)

I was talking with a friend the other day and it really helped me put all that has happened into perspective. She inspires me every time we meet, because she challenges me not to just stay comfortable in my little Christian bubble, but to really mean and know why I say the things I say. She's a new Christian, and as we talked about the natural hedonistic character of people, and how hard some days it is to be motivated to DO anything, much less be "joyful" about it; I commented that on the hardest days, I just remind myself that "God loves me, so that is enough". I absolutely loved her response. She said, "I don't mean to be rude, but so what? That doesn't motivate me at all on days when life just feels monotonous."

(I don't think I will ever be able to keep Jo from sneaking into Jazz's room to tell her stories! He started doing that before she could even talk, and obviously, some things never change.)

I love that she won't let me give her a pat little Sunday School answer! She wants to really KNOW why we choose to live and act the way we do. I explained that for me, thinking about God's love makes the day worth living. When I don't want to get out of bed because the tears have been streaming for hours and I can't think of one truly important thing I need to do, or when I am so lonely I can hardly stand it and just want to scream out loud- the knowledge that the Lord and Creator of the Universe specifically loves and cares about me gives me the courage to face the day. With all that He has done, all that God IS...my little issues and bad attitude suddenly become very small.

I think, "Life seriously sucks rotten eggs. There is not one good thing I can feel thankful for right now, Lord. But YOU love me, so there MUST be some reason I am still here. There is some good thing You are going to show me today that will make today, or tomorrow, or this week worth living for." And He has never failed. I get up, I do the routine of living, sometimes I just exist...and He still makes me smile, He shows me how to laugh and why today is a day to be thankful.

(Brielle loved showing Grampy her new home! <3>

I spent the rest of the week just reading through and remembering Psalm 78. Read it with me. It is such a testimony to the unfaithful brats we are, but what a mighty God we serve. With all the hard things we go through, whether because of our own mistakes or those of others, He never forgets us or forsakes us. We just need to pay attention. For today, "God loves me" is absolutely perfect.

(Oh, how I love these people. Lord, show them how to love like you do.)

"...we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done...so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Psalm 78:4b-7

(Another thing to be thankful for- more time in the garden! Seeing my passion flowers finally blooming was the only thing that got me to smile some mornings. Praise the Lord for creating things that take our breath away with their uniqueness.)

Veteran's Day Parade in the Northwest...great idea.

I was severely traumatized this morning as I tried to use my favorite body lotion. It is the brand I first discovered in Arizona, a wonderful blend of coco-butter, aloe, coconut and something else. But the SMELL. Oh, the smell makes me think of sunshine and warmth, suntans and tank tops. Nearly brought me to tears...considering the 50 degree temperature out my door and the raindrops splattering on the windows. :) A season for everything...This is a day that I just knew I should have stayed in bed.

But, now that I am done whining I will admit that I had a great God Stop today. Jordan's band was scheduled to march in the Veteran's Day Parade (Veteran's Day is this Wednesday if you didn't remember)so we all bundled up and met my family in downtown to show our support. Not only did I get to cheer for my sweet boy and see him rock his solo- but I also had the privilege to cheer and wave at men and woman who have blessed our country with their service. From the little Young Marines who were marching out of respect; to the crinkled, bow- backed old men who rode in the decorated vans...there wasn't one that went past that didn't remind me of my Dad. My whole life, Dad wore a green flight suit and leather bomber when he went to work, and I remember being a little in awe of this big man who shouldered all my worries. As I grew older, I learned that my big Dad was just a man, who was learning and making his way through this crazy life just like the rest of us. But I never stopped being amazed by him. By his stories and the look on his face sometimes...knowing that he had seen and done things that I could only imagine. It's strange to look at your parents and know they had a whole other life before you became the center of it. :) My dad was 31 when I was born, and sometimes I wonder what kind of man he was before that. I still feel the same way I did when I was six. My Daddy is the biggest, bravest, kindest and strongest daddy in the whole world.

Thank you to all the Dads out there that have put on the uniform and fought the good fight to give us an America we can be proud of. A land of the free, and the home of the brave. God bless America. (And most importantly, thank you for protecting us so well that I can be traumatized by my wonderful lotion on a cold Saturday morning. There is a whole lot worse that could of happened to me.:)

(This is the way we celebrate a parade in the rainy Northwest...)

It sure makes everything else seem small....

I just figured out why I love country music...and don't start laughing. Truly, the lyrics are WISE. Really. Now, not the "She thinks my Tractor's Sexy" or "Friends in Low Places" kind of songs. But there are some, that just make sense.

I have been having my pity party all week: sick body, sick kid, heart broken over dogs and praying for hurting unborn babies...and my husband has been incredible. Marriage is the ultimate test of love and sacrifice. And I think sometimes of faith and hope too. There have been lots of times over the last 15 years when I have felt hopeless in this marriage, but when I am honest- more often I have taken this man God gave me for granted. And I don't want to anymore. I could hear it in his voice last night- his desire to give me everything I want, against his desire to give me what I need. He sees me sad about my pups, and he wants to fix it- even though he already has made up his mind. He was on the verge of saying I could keep Duke, and he was there again today. As much as he doesn't want to, thinks it is too much for us, etc etc- he would rather go back on what he knows than to see me sad. It made me think of another story like that, and so I read Genesis 16 today. I realized where Abram went wrong..."Abram agreed to what Sarai said." Hehehehehe Hear the feminists roar! Now, by definition, I would be called a feminist, but I am also a realist. I know how easily I can manipulate my husband using his basic desire to love and please me. It's sad, but true. How do you think I have gotten so many horses, dogs, debt and treats? :)Last night I realized that I have the greatest husband in the world. He really would walk through hot coals for me. Steve understands me like no one else, and wants me to be happy more than anyone else. And when I think about that, it makes all the other issues in our life pale in comparison. The "mountain" really does turn in to a "grain of sand". That brings us back to why I love country music. Check out these lyrics, I have also kindly posted the song on my playlist so you can listen to them now:
"While you’re sitting around thinking ‘bout what you can’t change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time’s flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count ‘cause you can’t get it back

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you’ve been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

Oh, and when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small!" Carrie Underwood

Now, this doesn't mean I can't use all my manipulative genius to get Steve to bungee jump with me next spring, does it?

God be with you married people tonight- don't take one second for granted. You don't know when it might be your last here.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

This is my honey in all his burly-ness. Gotta love this guy. :)

Monday- Day 1 of Crocodile Dock- Lakeview Style!!

Again, blown away over how my reality can come crashing down on my theology. In my mind, I couldn't wait to come home to my perfect marriage, perfect life- and instead was reminded very quickly that...life isn't perfect. HAHAHAHA.

So, I am choosing to focus on the fantastic, and trying to remember all the ways God shocked me into awe this last week. Last Monday at this time, I was being completely absorbed by our fantastic Youth Group. We were eating dinner, laughing and debriefing over a fantastic first day of VBS.

The first Bible point is "God is with us" for this year's curriculum, and I think every Felida staff would shout a "Fear Not" to that. From the first night, we were blown away by how God provided so wonderfully for us. The church was quaint and beautiful. It was clean, with so much character and obvious love from the members, we took picture after picture.

He also provided the girls with a super fun "MAD" house to stay in (Making A Difference). We couldn't get over the neat ceiling tiles kids had decorated, the comfy couches, and of course the sweet pool table and fuseball!


I got to spend some time right off the bat getting to know Rachel, a graduating senior I have never spent much time with. God was good and opened up conversation for us over pool table tips. She is such a neat person with so many talents. It was such a blessing to get to know her over the week and learn how I can pray for her this year while she starts college, and love her as my sister in Christ.

I think for day 1, this would have been my motto:
"I shall run the way of your commandments, for you will ENLARGE my heart." Psalm 119:32
I started out feeling a little indifferent to all the boys and some of the girls, thinking God was putting me on this trip to get to know my TAG girls better and be sure no one died (being a nurse, that is kind of in the job description). But God so totally "enlarged my heart" for our youth, I literally want to cry every time I think about it. Jo had a friend over yesterday, and as he was leaving I wanted to just grab him and squeeze him...of course I DIDN'T. Tad inappropriate and creepy, but I wanted to! Just because I love this kids so much, and can't wait to see what God will do in them and through them in the years to come. They lead games, songs, taught lessons- it was amazing how much they know about God and how capable they are...when they put some effort into it. :)


It couldn't have been a better start to what would be a fantastic trip- so hopefully it won't be too hard for you to have to wait anxiously for tomorrow's installment of VBS- Lakeview style!

Rekindling the Romance Book Review

Another book review, Rekindling the Romance- Loving the Love of your Life by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, that I had to share. Whether you have been married since Noah, or just a week- this book gives you a glimpse of what God intended your relationship to be like. If you have rated G eyes and think the word "sex" should be whispered or avoided at all costs, please don't continue. :) I don't want to make you blush.

Written in two sections, first half by Barbara directed at wives, and the second by Dennis directed at husbands, but both people should read the book in it's entirety. If you are wondering what your husband(or wife)is thinking and why he does things that way, great perspective and very visual. The book uses a lot of examples (fairytales like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast, pop culture, Heroes of the Bible) that we can relate to now as metaphors to help the reader understand the point. They also deal really well with the idea of "New Love, Disappointed Love, and Committed Love" and how every relationship will experience all three. Get the book for more information on this- it's fantastic!

Wonderful chapters, super easy read, and who doesn't want to make their great marriage even better? And if you are in the midst of hurt and despair, ready to throw in the towel- the authors give very practical, biblical guidelines to help the reader through "Disappointed Love" and back on the right track in BELIEVING God's way is the best way. Anytime I spend focusing on loving and respecting my husband is not time wasted, and the returns are priceless.
Two chapters, 'The Power of a Woman" and "The Irresistible Man" blew me away. As a woman, you take for granted what your femininity means to your husband- why he would cross hot coals just to pick you a flower when you were dating- and why if you choose not to use that God-given power to benefit your husband once married, you both feel cheated. This has nothing to do with whether or not you look like Megan Fox or have had 10 kids. God gave you to your husband as a gift, regardless of if you were saved before marriage or not. God made men with a missing component that only a woman can fill- I love that this book reminds you of that, and spurs you on to being the "missing link" for your husband. God made a perfect world, and a perfect man- yet in Genesis He said "it is not good for man to be alone"- God did that on purpose.

Barbara goes so far to say "You face the same decision to love your man today. Your husband will never be the man God created him to be if you don't validate his maleness and understand and satisfy his need for sexual intimacy. You are God's primary instrument for love and AFFIRMATION if he is to become God's man. You have the power to make him or break him because men are not born, they are made."
Ladies, how often do you think of your self that way? I know I don't. I want to affirm all that my husband is, but sometimes don't know how. I usually feel like a piece of worn furniture. I might be his favorite piece, but I just blend into the house, useful and comfortable at times- but nothing special. God KNOWS that's not true, and desires for me to be (and act) like so much more to bless my husband. Woohoo! When I read that chapter, I felt like I got a huge raise. No longer a Lazy Boy, now I can be the prized Datsun 360 Z- polished and priceless, bringing my husband great joy, fun, pride, and pleasure. (I know, my imagination is ridiculous, but you get the point.)

All in all, a worthy read alongside your bible study each day. Buy it, borrow it, and see what God does with your heart- and your marriage. God bless you!

"After all, marriage is not just about a grand beginning. It's about committing to a strong finish. It's weathering the storms of disappointment and the turbulence of life, never losing the ability to sing with Solomon, "How delightful is your love...How much more pleasing is your love than wine." (Song 4:10) That, my friend, is a real storybook finish."
Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Nelson Books ISBN 0-7852-0001-0

Jasmine- the wonderful...

Yep- nostalgia. No getting around it when your baby girl is turning 12 tomorrow. What's happening? I look at her, and think- how is this beautiful young lady related to me at all!?! Jasmine is so amazing, I hope I grow up to be just like her- minus the disorganization. Hehehehe Truly, she is a free spirit, with so much love to give, patience and forgiveness- it seems to come so easily to her. She has the greatest sense of humor, you can't be around her for more than a few minutes before you start smiling or laughing, she really does radiate laughter. As her mom, there are times when her goofiness makes me mad- like when she's suppose to be paying attention in school- but I regret it the second I give her the evil eye. I regret being so busy, and worrying about other insignificant things, when God has blessed me with this wonderful person to love. Only a handful of years and she will be moving on with her life- moving away from "daughter" as her main role, and into "college woman, wife, mother, professional"- you know, all the other titles women hold, and people start forgetting that their nurse, teacher, friend, salesperson, doctor, or neighbor- was and still is, somebody's baby girl....

Faithful- faithless...

It is so strange to me how, literally, one day I can feel full of hope, and faith that God is here and working, and all I have to do is follow the "bread crumbs" in His Word and I will be a-ok; and the very next day I can feel defeated and frustrated, not having a clue which way to turn no matter how many passages I read. I can say this now because I am back on track and determined to "trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus- but to trust and obey." (Sunday School song that kids sing and low and behold! Still totally applies to us smarty pants adults who try to make everything way more complicated.) But in the midst of it, I am- and probably always will be- a fickle pickle who relies too much on feelings and too little on faith. We are hoping desperately for a God-sized break right now, have applied and now are waiting for a really cool place to live, and for a couple days, the stress of wanting and worrying, waiting and wondering, was about to drive me off the Grand Canyon in my minivan.

Thank God that He is so much more faithful than I am, that when I despair He doesn't, and when I fret, I think He smiles and gives a little pat, as we do our children, to reassure me that all is still right in the world, and the sun will still rise and set whether I get what I want or not. This morning I woke up and just knew that I would get what I need (don't know what that is right now, but He does) and I didn't have to be anxious anymore. Why he gives me an extra measure of grace all the time, I don't know, but I am so glad. Today is a new day, and I am so happy that I have Jesus- where I live, or who I live with is just frosting. :) Now, if I can just hang on to that promise for the next week- things will be good. Anyone have some ideas on how? This fickle pickle can use all the help she can get.

I think he read my journal when he wrote this...

Well, here I am in a river of questions.

Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear.
I see this life, it's valleys and mountains-
and I think of all the roads that brought me to here.

Well, I've questioned my reasons, this life I'm living-
I question my ability, to judge wrong from right.
Well, I've questioned all the things, I've ever called certain-my race,
my religion, my country, my mind.

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.

Well, I've questioned significance, meaning, and relevance-
does the work I'm doing, really matter at all?
Well, I've questioned my friendships, alliance, dependence-
who will still be here, when I fall?

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.
Hold me, Lord- I need your love.

Only one thing doesn't change, only one thing stays the same-
all I know at the end of the day, your love remains.

But the one thing I don't question is You-
You really love me, like You say You do.
- Paul Coleman