Saturday, August 17, 2013

So THIS is what I have been missing...

(Best moving crew ever- and they accept their payment in Blind Onion Pizza!)
One week later, and I think I more fully understand why the Lord said "and that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife.." I have spent this week rearranging my entire house, decorating my bird room, setting up a game room, and realizing that there are benefits to having your children grow up and move away.
(But don't leave the movers alone with the baby!!!)
Now, I have to admit I still spend at least a couple hours a day laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what to do with my day. But it is a wonderful thing that my darling daughter and her husband's daily dramas and concerns are no longer rolling through my home. It is pretty peaceful to not have the hustle and bustle of newlyweds and babies right in the midst of dinner ever night.
(Bee was a great helper to her mother...sort of.)
I miss the spontaneous conversations and jokes that were part of being a family. I miss hearing my daughter laugh down the hall and walking into a room to my grandbaby's happy smile all the time. But there's so much more to be thankful for. Pushing them to move out all these months couldn't have brought more blessings. Because of family dynamics, Jasmine was never able to entertain her in-laws in our house no matter how much we wanted to, now she has had the opportunity to open up her own home and have Brielle's grandparents and even great-grands over to make wonderful memories. Spencer can come home from work and just relax, not having to share his girls with 3 other adults. I truly am so happy for my kiddos, and thankful for the way the Lord has abundantly met their needs.
(Big brother had to check out the new digs.)
I was talking with a friend the other day and it really helped me put all that has happened into perspective. She inspires me every time we meet, because she challenges me not to just stay comfortable in my little Christian bubble, but to really mean and know why I say the things I say. She's a new Christian, and as we talked about the natural hedonistic character of people, and how hard some days it is to be motivated to DO anything, much less be "joyful" about it; I commented that on the hardest days, I just remind myself that "God loves me, so that is enough". I absolutely loved her response. She said, "I don't mean to be rude, but so what? That doesn't motivate me at all on days when life just feels monotonous."
(I don't think I will ever be able to keep Jo from sneaking into Jazz's room to tell her stories! He started doing that before she could even talk, and obviously, some things never change.)
I love that she won't let me give her a pat little Sunday School answer! She wants to really KNOW why we choose to live and act the way we do. I explained that for me, thinking about God's love makes the day worth living. When I don't want to get out of bed because the tears have been streaming for hours and I can't think of one truly important thing I need to do, or when I am so lonely I can hardly stand it and just want to scream out loud- the knowledge that the Lord and Creator of the Universe specifically loves and cares about me gives me the courage to face the day. With all that He has done, all that God little issues and bad attitude suddenly become very small.

I think, "Life seriously sucks rotten eggs. There is not one good thing I can feel thankful for right now, Lord. But YOU love me, so there MUST be some reason I am still here. There is some good thing You are going to show me today that will make today, or tomorrow, or this week worth living for." And He has never failed. I get up, I do the routine of living, sometimes I just exist...and He still makes me smile, He shows me how to laugh and why today is a day to be thankful.
(Brielle loved showing Grampy her new home! <3>
I spent the rest of the week just reading through and remembering Psalm 78. Read it with me. It is such a testimony to the unfaithful brats we are, but what a mighty God we serve. With all the hard things we go through, whether because of our own mistakes or those of others, He never forgets us or forsakes us. We just need to pay attention. For today, "God loves me" is absolutely perfect.
(Oh, how I love these people. Lord, show them how to love like you do.)
"...we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Psalm 78:4b-7
(Another thing to be thankful for- more time in the garden! Seeing my passion flowers finally blooming was the only thing that got me to smile some mornings. Praise the Lord for creating things that take our breath away with their uniqueness.)

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