Friday, August 9, 2013

It feels like D- Day...and it shouldn't.

Today is the day. Ready or not, my daughter is moving into her first home without me. It shouldn't be so tragic.
(County Fair time!)
I walked around this evening looking at the weeds that haven't been pulled because I have been busy cuddling babies, the clutter that is all over as a result of 5 adults and an infant living in too small of quarters. I stared at my roses that need pruning and the inside of my fridge that will never be cluttered up with too many left overs again. I mulled over all the things I grumbled about over the last year because of my OCD tendencies, and realized how foolish I am.

(Gotta love these guys. Never a dull moment.)
From the minute my daughter got married, we have been pushing her out of the proverbial nest. And here it is, the official moving day...and my mother's heart can barely stand it. I kissed her good night tonight and promptly went to my bathroom to wash the floor with my tears. Never again will I tuck her into bed, kiss her goodnight regularly or be able to run to her aid when I hear her sick or hurting in the middle of the night. Oh, my heart.

 I don't have the words for how good this move is, or how hard. But my Heavenly Father does.

(Could this baby BE any cuter?)
As I have worked overtime for the last 6 months to make ends meet, been distracted with babies and birds and friends and activities, nothing truly could satisfy the longing in my heart. When I was to see 4 patients in a day and ended up with 8, it still wasn't busy enough. When the baby was crying, my girl was tired and the birds were calling for attention, it still wasn't enough.

Nothing has been able to fully bring peace to my heart like the words of David:
"Unless the Lord had given me help,
 I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
 your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
 your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:17-19

 The other day, as I was so worried and tired at living, my daughter brought me her Bible and said, "Look at this. I just love this." And she showed me this exact passage. I read it and the peace I was hungry for washed over me.
 Little did my beautiful, amazing grown up little girl know that I have been praying this passage for years.
 Little does she know the way her own personal journey with God blessed me so much that night. Little does she know that God used her desire to share what she was learning to remind her silly Mama that God is on His throne, and He is more than big enough to take care of it all.

(Watching the barrel racers fly around the arena! That's my girls!)
 I hope when you are weary and slipping, you allow God to "console" you with His words. There is truly nothing better.

So I am going to go lay down for a few hours before the dawn comes and I hit the ground running. As I hurry off to see a patient, pick up a U-Haul truck and say good bye to my dear baby girl, I am going to say in my heart, "Thank you, Lord, that when I feel like I am going to fall, your UNFAILING LOVE supported me."

 I am going to picture how tidy my garden will be, how free my evenings will feel, and I am going to imagine how clean and lovely my house will finally be again. There are truly benefits to seeing your children grow up. ;) 

Here's a short link my husband sent me the other day when I was feeling particularly low. No matter what, it is wonderful to remember WHO is working for you. God be with you, friend!

1 comment:

AllTheKingsBlessings said...

Oh Renee, I feel ya! I'll be praying for you guys today, and later too. It is such a hard thing, letting these loved ones leave. I've been crying so much this past month! But, each day has gotten a little easier. Seeing them succeed out on their own is as it should be. You've raised a fine young woman, and now it's time for her to show you! My boy texted me this morning with "Kels and I just made eggs and bacon!" I love to hear even these little things. His second morning home with his new bride, and he texts his mama about making breakfast!! My heart. Love you, and it'll be okay. God's got this.