It feels like D- Day...and it shouldn't.

Today is the day. Ready or not, my daughter is moving into her first home without me. It shouldn't be so tragic.

(County Fair time!)

I walked around this evening looking at the weeds that haven't been pulled because I have been busy cuddling babies, the clutter that is all over as a result of 5 adults and an infant living in too small of quarters. I stared at my roses that need pruning and the inside of my fridge that will never be cluttered up with too many left overs again. I mulled over all the things I grumbled about over the last year because of my OCD tendencies, and realized how foolish I am.

(Gotta love these guys. Never a dull moment.)

From the minute my daughter got married, we have been pushing her out of the proverbial nest. And here it is, the official moving day...and my mother's heart can barely stand it. I kissed her good night tonight and promptly went to my bathroom to wash the floor with my tears. Never again will I tuck her into bed, kiss her goodnight regularly or be able to run to her aid when I hear her sick or hurting in the middle of the night. Oh, my heart.

 I don't have the words for how good this move is, or how hard. But my Heavenly Father does.

(Could this baby BE any cuter?)

As I have worked overtime for the last 6 months to make ends meet, been distracted with babies and birds and friends and activities, nothing truly could satisfy the longing in my heart. When I was to see 4 patients in a day and ended up with 8, it still wasn't busy enough. When the baby was crying, my girl was tired and the birds were calling for attention, it still wasn't enough.

Nothing has been able to fully bring peace to my heart like the words of David:
"Unless the Lord had given me help,
 I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
 your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
 your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:17-19

 The other day, as I was so worried and tired at living, my daughter brought me her Bible and said, "Look at this. I just love this." And she showed me this exact passage. I read it and the peace I was hungry for washed over me.
 Little did my beautiful, amazing grown up little girl know that I have been praying this passage for years.
 Little does she know the way her own personal journey with God blessed me so much that night. Little does she know that God used her desire to share what she was learning to remind her silly Mama that God is on His throne, and He is more than big enough to take care of it all.

(Watching the barrel racers fly around the arena! That's my girls!)

 I hope when you are weary and slipping, you allow God to "console" you with His words. There is truly nothing better.

So I am going to go lay down for a few hours before the dawn comes and I hit the ground running. As I hurry off to see a patient, pick up a U-Haul truck and say good bye to my dear baby girl, I am going to say in my heart, "Thank you, Lord, that when I feel like I am going to fall, your UNFAILING LOVE supported me."

 I am going to picture how tidy my garden will be, how free my evenings will feel, and I am going to imagine how clean and lovely my house will finally be again. There are truly benefits to seeing your children grow up. ;) 

Here's a short link my husband sent me the other day when I was feeling particularly low. No matter what, it is wonderful to remember WHO is working for you. God be with you, friend!

Epic Fail Week...or something else?

When I look back at the last couple of weeks, I just have two words that come to my mind. EPIC FAIL. In the midst of it, my sweet girl and her dear friend, said "Nay, in a couple of days you are going to laugh at this." That didn't go over so well at the TIME, but I can honestly say, I am laughing now. This whole "Moving During the Holidays" should be made into a National Lampoon's movie. I'm just saying.

Let me give you an example. The morning of Christmas Eve we find out some amazing loser in California has stolen our debit card number and pin code, and is roaming around filling up his SUV at gas stations in Marina Del Rey. Nice, right? Epic Fail #1- we must have used some shady ATM and they got our info.

Christmas goes great, wonderful time, and the MINUTE the last guest's foot is out the door, I am packing like a mad woman. And I promptly break two family heirlooms from Steve great grannie. Epic Fail #2- don't hurry with the breakables.

Saturday, head to work, Steve and the kids are packing, day is mostly going well. Get off work early so I can help, and as I am going through a stack of mail, I notice a package from my work. I thought it was just the generic "Look what a great place you work at" magazine they put out a couple of times a year- but Oh NO- that is NOT what it is. It is the benefits enrollment package that I needed to fill out and sign by the deadline- TWO WEEKS AGO. Apparently, because it had been forwarded, the post office kindly stuck the yellow forwarding label over the part of the envelope that says "Time Sensitive Materials- Response Needed." Epic Fail #3- when you take a position SPECIFICALLY to get medical benefits for your family, make sure you fill out the paperwork immediately, or you lose until next year's enrollment.

Sunday morning starts off great. Co-worker agrees to take my shift so I can keep packing, go to church and God rocks my boat with the reminder of his love and the fact that, "No one can make a brand new START, friend, but everyone can make a brand new END." Steve and I say goodbye to our son as he heads to a youth retreat, and we start loading up the car and truck with odds and ends to move. Truck is stuffed with tons of stuff an hour or so later, car is ready, ignitions GO. Or not. Steve's truck won't start. EPIC FAIL #4- make sure when you beg your husband to sell his gorgeous sports car so you can have no more car payments, that he doesn't turn around and buy a beater that he is going to "restore". Push the truck down the driveway, get it jump started and away we go.

Now for the BEST day, Monday morning- pick up the UHaul with my two helpers, Jazz and her friend. I am a little nervous about backing up the 26foot monster into my teeny alley and driveway in Two Toned Land, where the HOA freaks out if you block the road, but I can't find anyone to drive it for me and Steve's at work, so here we go. I am doing great, manuevering the plants, electrical boxes, lining up with the garage post. Ooops. Forgot the roof eve hangs over a few feet from the post, and I have now successfully smashed the gutter and eve with the back of the UHaul truck. Epic Fail #5- yeah, I just suck.

Movers arrive and find me sitting on the front stoop in a daze. But they promptly start loading the truck...and terrify me the entire time that one of them is going to drop down the stairs in cardiac arrest and I am going to have to code him right there, and the other is going to have an asthma attack and I had already packed all the inhalers and nebulizer. They really tried their hardest, but were not physically or mentally capable of making this move happen in an efficient way. Epic Fail #6- don't go cheap and hire Craigslist movers, use the professionals.

After 3 hours of hardly anything getting done- I cut the movers short and tell them to just take the junk...I mean household goods...to the new house and we would do the rest ourselves. They agree, and continue to wheeze and turn purple as they tie things in and finish loading the UHaul. At the new house, have them unload everything in the garage and send them on their merry way. Take the UHaul back to the store, everything goes great. Turn in the keys- and realize I lhad my car keys in my jacket...and I am wearing a sweatershirt. Said jacket is on the chair at my house. Epic Fail #7- don't get stranded at the UHaul store on moving day, it will make you want to cry.

Call Stevo- he can leave work early and come give me his key. Great, the girls and I say "Hey, we need a break anyways, we will walk a couple blocks to Carls Jr, get some lunch while we wait." Great plan. As we are walking, God decided to remind me to be thankful for being a fertile woman of child bearing age, except I don't want any more kids and at that moment had no feminine hygiene products in my purse. Or anywhere for that matter, as all bathroom items were packed in boxes and buried in the nightmare of a garage the movers made. Epic Fail #8- being a chick can really stink sometimes...and ALWAYS keep some personal items in your purse. NO MATTER WHAT.

Steve saves the day, get the car, head to the new house to attack the mess. Moving, moving, moving, things are getting done, furniture in place after many frustrating moments as I try to fit 3000 sq ft of junk into an 1100 sq ft house. Family room mostly put together, sliding a rubbermaid tub across the beautiful, brand new cherry wood floor, SCRATCHHHHHHH. Apparently there was a tiny pebble, or crumb, or something- never did find it- that was lodged under the box and it left a beautiful, LONG scratch across the family room floor. Epic Fail # 9- don't be lazy, PICK UP ALL BOXES.

Day ends with a quiet tear, house is coming together, and at least no one has lost a limb or their sanity. Papers were filed at the court house towards our previous landlord and his Epic Fail of paying his mortgage, and we are moving on. Thank you, Lord. Steve kindly tries to set up the washer and dryer for me so I can wash clothes- the dryer hose won't reach and their is something wrong with the washer connections, they just squirt out water. Epic Fail #10- don't bother setting up the laundry room until you have gotten a good night's rest, it will send you over the edge.

Tuesday morning, head to work, freezing cold- but still breathing. Thank God for little miracles. Hospital is slow, my boss is wonderful and let's me head home early. Get back to unpacking, organizing and the general insanity of life. Steve is finishing up the last things at the old house, and the snow starts to fall. This was actually a wonderful blessing, and my mood started to improve. Our new home looks beautiful in the snow, and the yard was transformed into a beautiful winter wonderland. But my poor husband was freezing, so Epic Fail #11- don't try moving in December and then send the movers away early. You never know what the weather will do to your poor husband as he tries to move everything else on his own.

Did you like my story? I wish I was crafty and could tell it like a real National Lampoon's Movie, but you get the jist. It is pretty funny when you think about it, and in the midst of all the bad, God was incredibly good. When I woke up Sunday morning in tears, and laid there frustrated and feeling like a failure- God gave my husband such sweet words for me. Steve read me Psalm after Psalm of our Father's provision and love for us, it was such comfort to my heart. He reminded me that God hears my cries(Psalm 3:4), He listens to my prayers and I can watch Him work (Psalm5:3), God is my shield and will lift my head no matter what (Psalm 3;3), and as my shield, He FAVORS me (Psalm 5:12), and God protects me, loves me, saved me, and is ALWAYS ready to forgive...oh, Thank you, Lord for that (Psalm 3:5, 13:5, 145:8). Monday, Nick called us out of the blue and offered his much needed help, such a blessing- and he even gave us hours of free muscle Tuesday. What a great brother in law and friend. Sweet Karen came bearing delicious treats to lift my heart on Wednesday morning, and I was again reminded how wonderful it is to be a part of God's family. That no matter what a failure you are, there are some people who can truly love you anyways.

So, God be praised- we are officially moved. AGAIN. And since I jacked up the floor already, I guess we will have to stay here for the rest of our lives. :) As long as this new landlord remembers to pay his mortgage. Hahahahha.

Thank you, Lord for a good night's sleep and some fresh perspective. Thank you for giving me a roof over my head, food in the fridge, money in my pocket and clothes on my back. Thank you for good friends, great family, and the salvation of my soul. You, Lord, are a great God.
"I sleep and wake up refreshed, because you, LORD, protect me. "Psalm 3:5

Just a little break...

I thought I would take a little break from the madness of moving and offer an update. We officially move tomorrow, but the cleaning and the packing started Monday. :)
It cracks me up how God plans things out for you WAY better than you could ever plan for yourself. I started this week out feeling totally abandoned by our dear friends who moved (they needed to, but it started quite a whirlwind) and depressed from the loss of so many things. I felt like there was so little communication, and things were happening so fast, I couldn't possibly keep up. Where were we going to live, what we were going to do?

Less than 5 days later, my husband is ridiculously ecstatic with our new neighborhood, my kids are running around enjoying themselves- walking to Don's country store, playing at the park, and I love my new house and the fact that so many things have gone right. When Stef said she was moving so fast, I was sad but figured it was the best thing for them, when Steve lost his job, I panicked because I didn't know how we could afford to stay at this place alone. And now, I am so happy that my family is happy, and totally relaxed because God is working for us in this crazy life- and I can't doubt it.
Who else could find us a beautiful home so fast in exactly the right place, provide us with money in the bank, food on the table, and the most inexpensive move we have ever experienced (and we have experienced A LOT!). Jasmine says a million times a day, "I love my room, I love my house, I love my new neighborhood", and all I can say is "God is so good!"

I will update more later, but the Son couldn't be much brighter in our world now. No matter how dark and gray the skies are, nothing can keep Him away. Thank God no one listened to my plans... God's are so much better!

(BTW: The photo is courtesy of our good buddy, Scott. Isn't it pretty? Spring is here!)

M- day is tomorrow!

I think I should quit doing blogs that try to "reflect" because God is definitely saying "put your money where your mouth is". This last week I have had to FIGHT to hold my tongue, control my attitude, be patient with the people in my life, and keep from feeling "dejected" due to unfulfilled desires and expectations of my family. Yeah, good times. Not to mention I feel like I have lost the majority of those fights. I was telling my best friend yesterday that I have a tendency to start well, but peter out in the finish. Well, NOT THIS TIME! hehehe I have exactly one day to finish packing my junk and be ready for the movers- except out of this next 24 hours, I have exactly 8 hours unscheduled to do that- between church, appointments, small groups, and sleep- but hey- we all know sleep is a luxury not a necessity.

So instead of yakking away here, I am going to attack the laundry room and box up all those items I have not used or needed in the last 9 months, and take them to the new house where I will probably never use or need them for the rest of my life. BUT- there is the chance that I might, and I just CAN'T throw them away (banging head on desk, wondering why I am so OCD). Pray for me if you think of it- that I don't say things to my husband I have to apologize for later, I take time to love on my kids, and I don't break my leg, arm, or back running up and down stairs with bulky, heavy objects. I will update you when I resurface as a Washougalite rather than a Vancouverite. (Not real words probably, but I like how they look- some words just LOOK funny)
The photo is just a funny one for my memory- a bit out of focus- but look at the grin on my brother's face. "He should of been a cowboy, should a learned to rope and ride, carryin' my six shooter, riding my pony on a cattle drive-ive" (me singing country music...BADLY, of course)

I would like you to note all the capitalized words in this post. Any idea that I might be a little HYPER? Muhahahaha ATTACK!