Monday, September 1, 2008

Faithful- faithless...

It is so strange to me how, literally, one day I can feel full of hope, and faith that God is here and working, and all I have to do is follow the "bread crumbs" in His Word and I will be a-ok; and the very next day I can feel defeated and frustrated, not having a clue which way to turn no matter how many passages I read. I can say this now because I am back on track and determined to "trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus- but to trust and obey." (Sunday School song that kids sing and low and behold! Still totally applies to us smarty pants adults who try to make everything way more complicated.) But in the midst of it, I am- and probably always will be- a fickle pickle who relies too much on feelings and too little on faith. We are hoping desperately for a God-sized break right now, have applied and now are waiting for a really cool place to live, and for a couple days, the stress of wanting and worrying, waiting and wondering, was about to drive me off the Grand Canyon in my minivan.

Thank God that He is so much more faithful than I am, that when I despair He doesn't, and when I fret, I think He smiles and gives a little pat, as we do our children, to reassure me that all is still right in the world, and the sun will still rise and set whether I get what I want or not. This morning I woke up and just knew that I would get what I need (don't know what that is right now, but He does) and I didn't have to be anxious anymore. Why he gives me an extra measure of grace all the time, I don't know, but I am so glad. Today is a new day, and I am so happy that I have Jesus- where I live, or who I live with is just frosting. :) Now, if I can just hang on to that promise for the next week- things will be good. Anyone have some ideas on how? This fickle pickle can use all the help she can get.

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