"We are going for the ILLUSION of clean..."

Summer is literally my favorite season. I don't know if it is the blue skies, or the flowers, or the water...I just love summer. My garden has been some what neglected as of late. Due to a couple of people...let's just call them "teenagers"...who keep crazy schedules and are far too distracting. But it still feels good to have fresh flowers in vases, color all around and weeds to pull for a couple more months.

As I have been playing with my kiddos, I have been worrying for them too. There is so much that is changing, and so fast. I get caught up in the details of it all, and God was good enough to remind me this Sunday that it's not the "details" that cause us to fall. It's the HEART. Our intern, Tyler Walsh, gave a great message about how we all want to look good on the outside, but our insides are crap. (He said it much more eloquently, you can listen to the message here.)

But basically, in Acts chapter 5 we read the story of a dude, Ananias and his lady, Sapphira. They are part of the first church of Christians and they want to show off their "godliness" and generosity by giving a buttload of money to the church after they sell off some land. Here's the catch- they decide to lie to everyone and say they gave 100% of the profits, but really they keep some back and only give a portion. SOOOOO dumb, yes? Guess what happens?

"Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him. " Acts 5:3-6

WOW. The first thought I have is "Sucks to be you." But truly, aren't we all like that? How many times do I get bent out of shape because of something my kids do- not because of the damage it causes to their character, but because it embarrasses me? Because it doesn't "look good from the street"? Oh, Lord! Never again let me have a heart like Ananias and Sapphira. Who cared more about appearances then they did about You. Who lived half-hearted lives and ran after pathetic treasures when they already had the best gift of all.

It just keeps coming back to me this week that my panic lately is rooted in self-centered pride. My prayer should not be that my kids do everything "right"- get into the right school, find the right job, marry the right person. My prayer should be that their hearts would be CRAZY for God and His work- that their goal should be to share the gospel and live a life so PLEASING to God, everyone around them can't help but notice the difference. THAT leads to health in all the other areas. And you know what, when my focus is not on "the details" of life but rather the qualities of life, the panic disappears. <3

Lord- help us all to "run the way of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart." Psalm 119:32 That's what ultimately makes the difference between a good life and a great one. Our heart...

And by the way, the wife, Sapphira, drops dead too. Seriously. Crazy stuff.

So thankful to be an American...

Growing, busy and loving it. I have to say that I am so thankful June is over...

and my July is looking much better... :)

I absolutely love being an American- with all my freedoms and privileges. That I can choose to burn hundreds of dollars of fireworks in my driveway, choose where I want to work, vacation, play, whatever. That I can feel safe anywhere I go in the United States- we are spoiled rotten...and so blessed to be born and raised in this great Country.
(You know it was a bad one if STEVE has to cover his ears!)

My friend pointed out to me the other day that my schedule is a little crazy. And the more I think about it, the more I would have to agree with her. I have really been struggling with some anxiety, and God has been so good- He just keeps reminding me to put all my faith and trust in Him. It's just too bad that I need the reminder about every 10 minutes.

As I try to keep my focus, I am realizing the busy-ness of my life is part of the problem. How to fix that I haven't quite figured out, but admitting the problem is half the battle, right? ;) Having teenagers doesn't help. It is amazing to me that I can take all the insanity of other teenagers in stride, praying faithfully for them, loving them and encouraging them- but my two kiddos throw me into a complete panic. I am sure the fact that they are MY "babies" is the biggest reason, but I also know that my "do it yourself" attitude doesn't help. Elbow grease and will power doesn't fix attitudes of the heart unfortunately-that is the work of God. :)

As I worry and stress, not knowing the future or how I can really help my kids walk better- God keeps bringing me back to Romans 8. It's not a matter of what I can do, it's a matter of what the Holy Spirit can do in their hearts and their lives. That needs to be my prayer- that they would be filled with the Holy Spirit and live "according to His Word". Oh, what a comfort that is to my mama heart. That I can't screw it up, and that I can't really make it happen either. It is God's Work, and He knows my heart and hears my prayers. And when I don't have the words...the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit in me does. Amazing Grace...

" ...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8: 26b-27

Thank you, Father, for giving us your spirit. And thank you when my worries try to overwhelm me- You are there. Your Spirit is praying for me, for my children, and I can trust in your unfailing love and mercy.

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. " Psalm 119:9-11