Friday, October 29, 2010
Foolish, foolish woman I am...
What a whirlwind couple of weeks. Is it seriously going to be November on Monday? Time is flying way too fast lately. I guess everyone says that- but sometimes it is more true than others.
Tonight I was reminded of the Proverb: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." 14:1
I have been struggling with balance lately, nothing new. The reason for my balance issues is my own doing though- horses. All I ever want to do is be at the barn playing with my horses, and that is not all I am SUPPOSE to do. Bah. Anyways, today I made the decision to be very self sacrificing and be home with dinner waiting for my husband...in spite of the gorgeous blue skies, fresh air and PERFECT riding conditions this afternoon. So I cleaned up after work, spent some girl time with my amazing daughter, and waiting obediently for my husband. Mmmhhhmmmm. You know where this is going. My dear man worked late, and instead of coming home, he went straight to the church to work the sound board during worship practice. Now, I could have said, oh- what a great guy, he worked late and is still willing to donate his evening to the greater good, blah blah blah. But no- I focused on the fact that he didn't CALL me to tell me that he wasn't coming home, and if he had, I could have been at the barn. Foolish, foolish woman, right? Way to tear down your own "house" (marital relationship) you have worked so hard to build up!
I often wonder why it is so easy to see my mistakes once I have already successfully made them, rather than see them and STOP before I am right in the muck again. But God is so faithful. After I apologized to my poor husband for throwing a fit, drove to the church to give him a kiss, and got to the barn for a quick horse fix, God blessed my socks off. He gave me the chance to chat with a new friend, and in that conversation- He gently reminded me that even when I blow it, I can't wreck His ultimate plan. If I had not gotten to the barn late, I would have missed out on the great fellowship I had with my barn buddy and the opportunity to share and talk about our Lord and Savior together. She and I both left feeling blessed and encouraged!
I have been hanging out in 1 Timothy this week, and God reminded me of verse 8 in chapter 4 as I was driving home from the barn. Check it out:
"Bodily discipline (physical training-will power) is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training- faith power) has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."
I can try all I want to be perfect, to discipline myself to accomplish that wonderful balanced life that I dream of- the one where I am an amazing wife, a wise and wonderful mother, a gifted horse trainer, an excellent nurse and the best friend anyone could dream of. But it's never going to happen- no one can be all things for all people. And all that forced structure is of only "some value". Instead, as I choose to LOVE my God first, and that love overflows to my husband, my family, my patients, my friends...even my horses- THAT will help me to grow in "godliness" and truly find the value in all things.
Oh, thank you Lord that when I think I am being oh so cool, you remind me what a goomba I am, and still work in me and through me. Your plans are wonderful, Father.
(This is by far my favorite picture of Jazz and Freckles. He is such a "dog"! Bahahaha!)