Monday, November 14, 2011
I hate running.
Yet another first to log in the memory bank today. I put my baby girl on a plane...to Hawaii...alone. I know, shouldn't be that big of a deal. But to me, it is HUGE. She was so excited, and nervous, and happy at the same time. With tears she begged us to come with her, and then with a smile and a wave she got on the plane and left. The attitude of that kid amazes me. She is going to be able to get through anything life deals out.
God gave me the grace to send her off with a grin and no tears, but the minute she was out of sight- yeah, that was pathetic. I suppose when the 20 year old kid behind me walked up and handed me some napkins I should of know I am a wimp. But then when he looked me in the eye and said, "I can see your tears through the reflection of the window...can I help you, ma'am?" I officially made "crybaby whiner" status.
All in all, the goodbye is the hardest part. Now I can thoroughly distract myself with work, horses, friends, and yard work. It is going to be a great 8 days and I am not going to whine or cry about missing my girl. I know I have a tendency to make my children into idols- pouring all my energy, efforts and time into them and forgetting that there is only one thing that should have that kind of total devotion. My Jesus.
I have been hanging out in Hebrews the last week, and after cruising through Hebrews 11 and all those "Heroes of Faith", it made me want to believe bigger of God. Then I read this today and it so hit my heart after sending Jasmine off:
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:1-2
We have been running in a million different directions and we are getting nowhere. And as much as I hate it, I need to "run" like my life depended on it but with a SPECIFIC goal in sight. Never quitting, never tiring- but pushing through to the end. I want to "throw off" the sin of self sufficiency, of self indulgence, even of false worship. My eyes need to not be fixed on my family, my fun times, or simple comforts, but wholly fixed on Jesus- my perfecter and redeemer. Thank you, Lord. For reminding me what really matters! Thank You for holding me close when I am weak, and kicking my butt when I slow down. Oh, how blessed I am!
(While I am busy "running" towards you, I put my sweet treasure, my girl, in your strong, safe arms. Bring her back to us soon.)