Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Just another day in paradise...

(My crew on Jasmine's birthday)
That song always makes me laugh because I think, "If this is paradise, heaven is going to blow me away!" Thank God for that promise! Had the perfect meltdown me a 2 year old. Been an eventful week- found out our grand baby is going to be a sweet baby girl, kids are all working and going to school, and my man had surgery to remove a large tumor in his arm. All in all, 4 1/2 hours of sleep too many nights in a row can make a girl crazy. Just sayin'.

 Sometimes I look around and think there is no possible way we are going to survive. Literally. And then other times I think, life is pretty awesome. How is that? How can I feel such different emotions in the span of a few weeks. Hormones? Perspective? Environment?

(My grandbaby's first photo. Oh, the pictures we will take!)
I heard a wonderful testimony awhile back that reminded me that no matter how I FEEL, I will survive. The woman spoke about how when she found a lump, she knew it was cancer. And after the biopsy and the phone call from her doctor which confirmed her suspicions, she paced her living room simply praying to God: "I love you. And I trust you...I love you. And I trust you."

Nothing I go through in a week comes close to a life and death struggle. It's more about driving over 100 miles in a day taking teens to school, to work, and doing my job seeing patients. It's more about being dissatisfied with what kind of mother and wife I think I SHOULD be, when the reality will never measure up. If this dear sister can say in the face of mortality: "Lord, I love you and I trust you", why can't I?

It was just so encouraging to remember this in light of my total "crying-asking to die-moaning-throwing myself on the bathroom floor" freak out. Of course, I found it encouraging AFTER I ate some humble pie and had to apologize to my family and my dog for my ridiculous behavior. It is still to be determined if the dog will forgive me. So now, I am ready to stay the course. Now, I am going to say "I love you. And I trust you. Lord, I love you. And I trust you."
"I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.
For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people.
 And I will hope in your name, for your name is good." Psalm 52:7-9

(Jasmine and Spencer are always willing to clean and help out. They make a good team.)


Trisha said...

oh I love your honesty. i'm going to start saying that to the Lord too...."I love you and I trust you. I love you and I trust YOU"
thanks for posting this.

Doanz said...

I find my honesty slightly embarrassing, but it feels worse to pretend. :) Love ya, girlie!

Unknown said...

This brought me to tears, pure honesty!! And I guess it hit home, I feel this way all the time! How can life be so amazingly awesome but so damn scary at the same time? I find myself having to remind myself that it is out of my hands and into God's hands and that my fear is not trusting that his plan for me is greater then my plan for me.....hope that makes sense, LOL. You are very brave, and I love, love, love your blog!!

Kaitlynn Marie said...

Never find it embarrassing!!!Your honesty today gives others the strength to find it tomorrow! There will always be hard roads to walk down, things better left unsaid, and struggles to go through. It's all a part of the journey. It sounds like you're doing what every human does.. makes a mistake, but then rises and calls Him Savior. It's beautiful to see your excitement about this grand baby. Love you, and love your constant encouragement!