Thursday, December 20, 2012

I just HOPE I grow into a bitter hag.

No one ever says that. I keep thinking "I'm not going to write another post until I have something nice, or inspiring, or encouraging to say". As my silence has proven... not a whole lot to be overjoyed about as of late.

I've always been a big fan of the "fake it until you feel it" motto. And it works...most of the time. But for months, or years, like these- the feelings just don't mesh. And you know, that's OK too. I get scared that if I don't stay positive and find that silver lining, it's just one more step toward "bitter ol' hag" future.  I seriously have nightmares that I am going to wake up- 80 years old, and such a depressing, critical witch that no one will ever want to be around me.

That is right when God reminds me- you can choose to smile, dear one. You can choose to laugh out loud. You can CHOOSE, to TRUST me with the future.

And suddenly, everything feels...just about right.

So instead of being silent, thought I would pass this along- especially to my healthcare buddies. We have ALL charted something wacky at one point or another. Hope it makes you laugh as hard as I did! ( 9 and 18 were my personal favorites!)

(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1.  The patient refused autopsy.

2.  The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3.  Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4.  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5.  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

8.  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9.  Discharge status:  Alive but without permission.

10.  Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.  
11.  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12.  She is numb from her toes down.

13.  While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14.  The skin was moist and dry.

15.  Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17.  Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18.  She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20.  Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21.  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22.  The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23.  Skin:  somewhat pale but present.

24.  The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25.  Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

(Pictures are just for fun- my boy had a blast at Winter Formal this last week, and my girl got a very beautiful Christmas present from her honey. Life is full of blessings- I just have to look around and see them.)

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

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