"Dancing in the Minefields..."

This week has been full of great firsts and terrible frustrations. I'd like to blame it on menopause or something, but I am just not that old yet. Drat.

Today though, I remembered how gracious God is to me. He gave me time to slow down, to talk to Him, and to remember. To remember that my purpose is bigger than figuring out how to ride my horse. My mission is bigger than how to get along with rebellious kids. To remember the "hope of His calling" and keep my eyes open for the ones who need Him NOW.

Steve blessed me with encouragement and love this week as I struggled with self-centered grief over my kiddos. They aren't any different than any other American teenager, but having been spoiled with close relationships with them, it hurts like crazy to feel those relationships be strained. Steve reminded me that God is God, and He is in control. Waking up to this man that I love this morning, this man who is my best friend, this man who I used to hate- reinforced the truth of God's power. Thank you Lord for your mercy. That you would pick me up out of the mud, wash me clean and give me a man after Your heart. Your goodness is amazing...Check out Ephesians 5 this week. Such a beautiful picture of what marriage is suppose to be like.

Jazz showed me this song and it brought tears to my eyes. May you and your beloved "dance in the minefields" together always and "kick down the doors" that try to block God's hand in your life. May you "sail in the storms" with a grin and remember that is "what the promise (of 'I do') is for"...
(When the video goes black, just click on the sentence in the middle "watch on youtube" and it will open another window.)


Lay your life down for him, sister. And watch God blow your mind with how He honors your obedience.
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. " John 15:12-13

Find the beauty of YOUR diamond.

"A few years ago my engagement ring cracked where I’d had it re-sized. I had it repaired but it was wearing very thin again. While we were in Missouri I took my engagement ring to the jeweler it was purchased from and had them make me a new white gold tiffany setting. I handed over my ring and watched the jeweler pry open the prongs and dump out the diamond. It had an unbelievable amount of gunk underneath it. If nothing else, it would look a hundred times better just from the stone being cleaned! They handed the old ring back to me empty. I waited in anticipation for five days and finally, on our way home from Silver Dollar City in Branson, I got to pick up my diamond in a brand new band. It was beautiful! My round solitaire looked so happy and shiny. It had been a long time since it looked like that. I sort of wished I’d made this investment sooner. If Curtis had given me a brand new diamond three times as big as that one it would not have thrilled me as much as seeing that same one looking just as pretty as the day he gave it to me. Prettier, really, since it represented everything that we have been through and done together.

Our marriages are somewhat like my engagement ring. The core – the diamond – holds a great love story with lots of passion and commitment. But everyday wear and tear and the occasional traumatic event can do a number on the metal that holds it together. Some of our rings could just use some polishing while others need some real restoration. God can do both! Remember that He loves marriage. He created it, after all. I’m praying that God will show each one of us a specific way we can invest in our marriage to strengthen it and bring out its beauty." - Amanda Jones http://blog.lproof.org/

Praying that you find a moment to remember how you fell in love today. Watching too many marriages self destruct, sometimes due to such tragedy and sometimes due to simple neglect, it breaks my heart. I can't imagine how much it grieves God's heart to see us throw away the most special earthly relationship He gave. Fight for it, love. And embrace that today is a new day, and God gives "do overs". Forgive and move forward. I know, easy to say, hard to do. But it is so worth it.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13

Laughing all the way.

One great thing about having an injury and being unable to do the normal things you do is the fact that you can read. A lot. This week sat me on my butt in a very literal sense (stupid spine). So I will have many fantastic book reviews for you. But this week also broke my heart in a very painful sense that taught me something important. And I think that is an amazing thing.

As I was working my way through Mark Gungor's book "Laugh Your Way to a better Marriage", I thought I was going to be working on my marriage. I had no idea that the learning I would get would help me through a huge parenting struggle this week. But we will get to that later. Reading Mark's words, I was literally laughing at times and squirming at others. The author really hits home with his frankness and honesty. You would have to be totally blind to read this book and not see the damage you have done to your marriage simply by not understanding one another. But that isn't a bad thing- seeing is believing, and this book shines light on an old battle in a refreshing way. The battle of the sexes. He said, she said. Misunderstandings early on, leading to bitterness, frustration, and the "Ultimate Standoff" as Mr. Gungor puts it. You will have to get the book to find out what that Standoff is about...I am blushing just thinking about typing it. Hahaha!

All in all, fantastically written, comical and easy to discuss. Of the many marriage books out there, I LOVE THIS ONE. Mark lays down the "Laws", discusses why "Men and Women are NOT Equal", and dares to challenge us to live differently...with love, understanding, and a "never say die" attitude. Borrow it, buy it, don't steal it- but get a copy. Now. You won't regret it.

My favorite concept was in the very last chapter, "The Reset Button". Oh, how I have dreamed of a reset button for my life. In marriage, if both people are willing to love with no limits and trust God to bless them through trials, we DO get a reset button. Check it out: "You want to give your marriage a chance for success? Get comfortable with this one simple phrase: Honey, I'm sorry..." Mark Gungor, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage pg 275. Easier said than done, right? But so worth it. Oh, those words are like magic pixie dust to my heart.

In my marriage, I can use those words. And this week God reminded me that I can make a reset button for my kids too. We had to deal with some huge bummers this week with one of our kids, and it was heartbreaking and surreal. Betrayal. Deceit. Lies. Forbidden. Damaging. It reminded me why I hate TV Dramas so much- who needs stupid Grey's Anatomy (try not to be offended if you love TV) when you have real life? Steve and I were shocked and shaken, but right when the initial impact happened, I read the chapter on "The Reset Button". And I realized how important it is for my kids that I give them a reset button. That when they screw up ROYALLY, and say they are sorry...I give them the chance to do it over. The consequences will be there, the hurts are still real- but their mistakes shouldn't define them, any more than my mistakes towards Steve should define me. I thought of King David in the Old Testament. He lied, cheated, stole another man's wife, murdered to cover his sin....and lost his son as a consequence. Heartbreaking and surreal. (2 Samuel 11-12) Yet, God remained with him and LOVED him...and called David a "man after God's own heart". I wish I could hear him- really hear him- say that about me. :)

If God can forgive like that- as perfect and righteous as He is, who am I to hold onto my anger and frustration? When my kids act like kids, I accept their apology but I want BLOOD. I want to see them REALLY sorry before I believe them. How lame is that? How ridiculous is that? God is a great and amazing Father, who disciplines with compassion and loves unconditionally. Oh, that he never gives any of us what we deserve! His grace and mercy blows me away. Father, make me like you.

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." John 1:16-17


To leave us all on a much happier note- flowers! My budget won't allow me to add this plant to my garden yet, but thought I would attach a photo of my girl's favorite winter bloomer- the hellabore. They are beautiful, just like her.

I am officially a citizen of Control/Fun Country. That's why Jacob makes so much sense to me!

Whirlwind life, whirlwind moments. I have been in such a holding pattern- waiting on word to go to Haiti, waiting on legal issues to be finalized with our awesome old landlord (total sarcasm), waiting on that perfect marriage I KNOW should be within my reach- and all the while wondering why waiting drives me crazy when Steve takes everything in stride. Well, guess what country he is a citizen of? Yep- the world of Fun/Peace.

What on earth is Renee talking about? Let me explain. We were introduced this weekend to a fantastic seminar called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. I will tell you all about that in another post once I finish the book, but during this seminar they told us about something called a "Flag Page". Skeptic that I am, I thought- here's another personality test, blah blah blah. Book lover that I am, I bought the book "Discovering Your Heart with the Flag Page" by Mark Gungor...just for curiosity. I couldn't be more pleased. This is not your run of the mill personality test. The goal of the "Flag Page" is to help you realize WHY you do the things you do, what positive traits motivate you. Sound cheesy? Fine, be a skeptic, but go to www.flagpagetest.com and do it anyways. I guarantee you, you won't regret it. (And if you do, I will pay you back the $12.50- it's THAT worth it!)

All in all, the page was great, and the book was a helpful addition. I wouldn't say you need the book to get the basics, Mark actually helps you through the website virtually, so you can hear him talking and telling you what to do step by step. (Or if you are from control country like me, you will immediately click "Hide Mark" and read it for yourself) The idea is a little too big for one blog post, but in essence the page tries to help you identify which "country" your heart most resonates with, and then which "adopted country" you can comfortably perform in- feeling good about the cultures, languages and behaviors of those places. The four countries are Control, Peace, Perfect and Fun...and you can just IMAGINE already where you and your family members might fit in! It will also give you an analysis of your strengths in five different "Talents" as you select words that put a smile on your face. It is really fun, really educational and really amazing to see how you, your spouse and even your kids tick. Just by seeing that Jazz is from Fun/Peace Country helped me relate to her better on Sunday and be more patient with the things that I use to think she did just to make me mad. Now I realize, it's just because we don't speak the same language all the time. (Of course, Control Country folks freely admit their language and culture is the best, but I am working on that! :)

Gave me lots to think about, lots to work on...but helped me appreciate who I am just the way God made me, and I don't feel like there is something essentially wrong with me because I see the world in black and white. I think I will have a little easier time tolerating those who are from other "countries" now too, understanding that they have God-given motivations that make them the wonderful way they are too. Try it, friends. You will LOVE it.

As I read about Jacob today it reminded me again how much Control Country is my home. I would have done exactly what he did. He was traveling back to Canaan after years away, and was about to meet up with his brother, Esau. (Genesis 32-33) Now- if you don't know, Esau had a bone to pick with Jacob. Jacob had stolen his birthright and his blessing, and back then- that was a big deal. So as Jacob gets ready for Esau to slaughter him and his children (Esau promised once his father was dead he would kill Jacob), he pleaded with God for His protection and mercy. I totally get that. "Um, God. I am worthless and screwed up big. But please protect me and keep the promise you made to take care of me always because I am your child and you are gracious and merciful. Please...please." Well, Jacob prayed and asked for God's intervention...and then he made a plan. Yep. Control Country folks always have a back up plan. "Don't wait for God to act, Jakey boy. Butter your brother up." So Jacob sends FIVE HUNDRED of his best livestock in herds ahead of him, and each time his brother meets up with a herd of animals the servants say "These are for you, Esau- because Jacob thinks you are the BOMB." Nice, right? Well, the story works out just dandy, but as I read it I felt kind of sorry for Jacob (and for me because I would have done the same thing!). Instead of waiting to see an awesome miracle by the hand of God, he took matters into his own hands. And now God doesn't get all the glory. We can't know 100 % if Esau's forgiveness and change of heart was because of God's intervention or Jacob's master planning. I know, I know, God's plan always prevails, but you get my drift, right? How cool would it have been if Jacob had waited to see how God would save him, Esau came cruising up with his "hundreds of men", and an angel of the Lord appeared before the two brothers and said "Kiss and make up or I will lop off your heads!" Now THAT would have been an awesome story. :)

God, help me to relax a little from Control Country and sit back and watch you work. I love it when You get your hands dirty in our lives...it's a beautiful thing.