To live a little...

June 2012...not possible. It's raining, it's cold, and I'm not ready to be 6 months into a year that came too fast. We have spent the last month with proms, and graduations, and goodbyes to so many things. I just wanted to stick my head in the sand and pretend it all wasn't happening.

Thinking about Jordan and Jasmine both being seniors next year, I have felt like this summer needed to be the best, most amazing yet...and I had no idea how to make it happen. Then I realized I don't need to "make" it great. It will be great just because we will be together. Sure we have said goodbye to childhood games, friends who have grown up, family that has chosen to move on, school, etc. etc. This next year there won't be any "Danny" running over to hang out or talk about zombies. There won't be as many bike rides to the country store or free days to trail ride with a best friend for hours. Work will take the time of video gaming, and school will mean something entirely different when you know the grades are part of your college transcript. Bur we will also say "Hello!" to new friends, and new experiences, and all new moments where God just blows our socks off.

Yesterday I picked up my phone and saw a text message that completely changed my focus. It was my beautiful young friend in a hospital gown, holding her "moments old" newborn son. I remember that moment so vividly for myself- the first time you hold your "heart" in your arms- you look into the eyes of another person and realize THIS was why it was all worth it. I saw in her smile all this next season is going to bring- the adventure of life and the amazing privilege of sharing God's love and story every chance we get. To hold the hand of a sweet, innocent child who is just figuring it out, or kiss the cheek of an 87 year old dear lady as she prepares to see Jesus face to face. I will spend hours listening to the hurts and successes of my high school girls, and get the opportunity to plan and encourage the young men around me to live courageously. I will fall, and I will watch those around me fall. I will succeed at times too, and rejoice with those around me who win. That's the life I get to live, and it is such a blessing.

King David fascinates me and I have spent the last month just reading his story and his songs. It is shocking yet comforting to remember how badly he screwed up, and yet how much God still loved him and protected him. He lied, he cheated, he womanized, he was a "bad father" at times...and yet, listen to his last recorded words:
"“If my house were not right with God,
    surely he would not have made with me an everlasting covenant,
    arranged and secured in every part;
surely he would not bring to fruition my salvation
    and grant me my every desire." 2 Samuel 23:5


Ahhh...what a comfort it is to know that in spite of where I fall short, Jesus more than makes up the difference. He is my rock, my shield and my redeemer. He is my salvation and my song. And because of that, I can laugh at the days to come, and just LIVE a little. It's going to be great. 

All photos credited to Kalahan Kayla Photography She is amazing!

The world is alright...

                                                                              Psalm 3
  Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me!
         Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him. ”
 But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
         I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain.
 I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
         I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.
 Arise, Lord! Deliver me, my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
         break the teeth of the wicked.  
From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.

We are in crazy times, so many times I hear people questioning "why" the world is such an ugly place, and why we have to hurt so much. And every time, once the ache in my heart subsides, I remember. God is still God- and HE will never forsake me. I love how no matter what "depth" the pit is I am in at any given time, God never fails to remind me of that. I listened to one of our highschool boys teach at the after school program today, and saw two girls give their lives to Jesus. And more than anything- I was reminded that GOD is on His throne, and no plan of His will fail. This kid took me to school and reminded me that the miracle of the Lord's death and resurrection is the ONLY thing that will matter forever. All this other stuff is just part of the story. He shared proof of the resurrection, and concluded the message with a verse that brought me such comfort, I can't even tell you.
 "Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

 And then...the world was alright. God bless you, friend.

Far too short a time...

It is always amazing to realize how short our time is here. This last week has just reinforced to me how important it is to make each day count. Whether it was from seeing the cherry blossoms disappear far too quickly,talking about college and life after graduation next year with my kids, or finding out a brother in Christ died unexpectedly Tuesday morning; I just keep thinking- Lord, help me make it count.

I can't put all my feelings into words yet regarding the death of someone so special, but a dear friend read a piece of Psalm 90 today and it brought such comfort: "The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away... So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom... Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil." Psalm 90:10-15 (abbreviated)

I was so distracted from the sermon because I just kept hearing these words over and over in my head- how much I want to gain a "heart of wisdom" and "rejoice" in the afflictions of life. I am a little slow, but God just won't stop driving one point home- that I NEED Him. My focus shouldn't even be on His grace, or love or right living- but the whole purpose of this life is to KNOW God. To have a relationship with Him and to keep it all in perspective. It was the best message I have heard in a long time, and maybe it's simply because I was listening. This life is just a blip. I don't want to waste a minute of it.

Thank you, Lord, for your words that bring peace amid grief. Thank you that you want to know us, and once we choose you- our future is secure and we will be "GLAD for as many days" as we have hurt, for "as many years as we have seen evil."

Photos were just a glimpse of what the last couple weeks have been full of- flowers and horses. I realized the other day, as I heard my kiddos sounding WISE and mature for the first time in awhile, how blessed I am to know them. Everyone loves their kids, but I am so glad that I can honestly say I LIKE them. I have been trying to bite my tongue the last few months as I watch them maneuver this life and knowing that they are the ones who will have to live with the choices they make, I am still so happy with the people they are becoming. This week has just reminded me that I can't wait to tell them that. I never know if I will have tomorrow, so I want to be sure the first words they hear from me in the morning and the last ones before they go to bed are "I like you, and I am so proud of you." Not because they do it right all the time, but because they never quit trying. Oh, thank you, Father, for the reminders of what matters.