I just HOPE I grow into a bitter hag.

No one ever says that. I keep thinking "I'm not going to write another post until I have something nice, or inspiring, or encouraging to say". As my silence has proven... not a whole lot to be overjoyed about as of late.

I've always been a big fan of the "fake it until you feel it" motto. And it works...most of the time. But for months, or years, like these- the feelings just don't mesh. And you know, that's OK too. I get scared that if I don't stay positive and find that silver lining, it's just one more step toward "bitter ol' hag" future.  I seriously have nightmares that I am going to wake up- 80 years old, and such a depressing, critical witch that no one will ever want to be around me.

That is right when God reminds me- you can choose to smile, dear one. You can choose to laugh out loud. You can CHOOSE, to TRUST me with the future.

And suddenly, everything feels...just about right.

So instead of being silent, thought I would pass this along- especially to my healthcare buddies. We have ALL charted something wacky at one point or another. Hope it makes you laugh as hard as I did! ( 9 and 18 were my personal favorites!)

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS
(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1.  The patient refused autopsy.

2.  The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3.  Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4.  She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5.  Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7.  The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

8.  The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9.  Discharge status:  Alive but without permission.

10.  Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.  

11.  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12.  She is numb from her toes down.

13.  While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14.  The skin was moist and dry.

15.  Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17.  Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18.  She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20.  Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21.  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22.  The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23.  Skin:  somewhat pale but present.

24.  The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25.  Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

(Pictures are just for fun- my boy had a blast at Winter Formal this last week, and my girl got a very beautiful Christmas present from her honey. Life is full of blessings- I just have to look around and see them.)

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

To be Thankful...

 
Thanksgiving is done- except for all the leftovers. Now on to preparing the house for all the Christmas decorations to come out! I couldn't help but think about how much of my "holiday merriment" revolves around pointless traditions. Don't freak out! I know- I still love it all, the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas tree and lights, the advent wreath, the stockings and caroling. I wouldn't get rid of a single thing. I just wonder if the reason we all can get into the "Christmas Spirit" and still act like little pigs is because we are missing out on THE Spirit...Our God, dwelt with us.

I am determined to slow down and soak it up this year, not just the good feelings and seasonal festivities. But I am asking God to shine in a brighter, new way and open my eyes to more of Him, and much less of me. I get so bent out of shape over things I have little control over, when in reality; my time, energy and treasures would be much better spent fussing over the things I CAN impact for God's glory.

Our "Thanks" Jar

We have spent the month writing something we are thankful for down on a little leaf and putting it in a jar, just taking a moment to pause and praise God for all He does in our lives every day. As we shared Thanksgiving Dinner together this last week, I think we each felt just how grateful we should be. Life gets topsy turvy sometimes, Obama is still president, we might be short on cash and long on worries, the changes this next year feel overwhelming - but there is one thing that will always stay the same:
"...God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:5b

Our list was long this Thanksgiving, but the highlights were:
Family
Another day of breath and life
Two new members to our little team
More than what we need
Love and Forgiveness

God bless you, dear friend. May He fill your cup, and allow it to run over with His Spirit and His joy this Christmas.

What's our driving force?

Headed into November with a vengeance! I know I am pathetic, I have been listening to Christmas carols since September, but I didn't go with ONLY Christmas albums until now. I have some self- restraint.

I keep expecting things to slow down and for my worries to go away...and then they don't. I wrack my brain thinking up ways to fix broken relationships that people don't want to fix. As I watch my girl struggle with a broken heart, and shame and guilt, I hurt for her and wonder if she truly knows how God sees her through Jesus, her Savior. As I worry about my men- how tired they are and how hard they work every day just to keep their heads above water- I wonder if they know that the choices they make today will resound into eternity, through the people they love, honor and protect. The anxiety at times is overwhelming, and I pray and pray that they will see blessings and find fulfillment in life. And that's when I realize, if the world is all about me, or all about them- ultimately, my "pursuit" is selfish and in my own best interest.

 I heard something though that helped me stop the "freak out". A speaker posed the question, "What is your driving force? If you are the point of it all, doesn't that make your spouse your maid? Doesn't that put an undue amount of weight on your children to reflect WELL on you?...Our personal self interest shouldn't be the driving force of our life."

Other questions I heard that forced me to consider my focus:
Is this good for ME?
Is this just for ME?
Does this benefit ME?
Does this move ME forward?

Is that how I am living every day? If my husband is ok, then I am ok. If my kids are ok, then I am ok. If my home is in order, then I feel in order. If my career is doing well, it means I am doing well. All of this is internally focused.

The speaker dared to say, "How miserable of a human you are if ultimately everything is about you? The more the world is about you, the more anxiety you are going to feel.
The more the world is about you, the more fear will exist in your heart.
The more the world is about you, the more angry you will be."

How true is that? All my worries are because I sit here focused on our little world, which I can't fix anything in anyways.  I'm constantly worrying how to show my husband how much I respect and love him. I'm afraid Jordan will decide he doesn't need to go to college. I'm afraid that Spencer will regret for the rest of his life the choices he has made with his family. And I get angry at everything, for no reason.

Then I read Matthew 6, and it calms the storm in my heart and reminds me- I am not in control and my "driving force" is, and should be, the hope and trust I have in Jesus. Repeatedly, Jesus pushes us to stop with the appearances, to stop with the stress, and LOOK at Him. He says so clearly, "“ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-34

Our God is for us, He is watching over us, and providing for the things we don't even know yet to ask for. What a comfort that is! Lord, help me to rest in that freedom. Remind me that the smaller my world becomes in my heart, the bigger You will be. 

Matt Chandler from The Village Church was the speaker I heard, and I truly think you would enjoy the full message. I can't do it justice. Here is the media file in case you'd like to hear the whole context. It's worth an hour of your time. Love you, my friend.