Take it back!

What a good kick in the pants today! I just had to post after my grumpiness the last few weeks, God threw DOWN today. And it came from a random Facebook post. Go figure.

I was waiting to pick up Jordan after school and just cruising through FB when, low and behold, an old acquaintance posts the most heart warming, worshipful status about being thankful. Just plain and simple, being thankful. It just stopped me short. My favorite part just keeps running through my mind, "Every movement an act of worship, every breath a gift." (Name withheld for privacy. But what a quote!) 

 So, my heart is convicted, my spirit encouraged. I am choosing to be thankful, and here's just a tiny glimpse of all the goodness in my life:

1) It's AUTUMN! With leaves to crunch, crisp air, and ear muffs right around the corner.

(When ear muffs can't be found, you can always use a toddler.)

2)  My beloved had surgery to remove a tumor, he came out wonderfully and it was BENIGN!

(Even during pre-op, we could be thankful for the comfy bear paw gown- so WARM.)

3) My precious girl is healthy, strong and growing into a beautiful woman. She is going to be a great mom.

(20 weeks and going strong! Halfway to meeting Brielle!)

4)  New friends who make us smile.

(Warm muzzles make life wonderful.)

5) The privilege of knowing my son, who is one of the strongest, most faithful men I have ever met. He never quits on his family, no matter how crazy he things we are.

(Wearing dark shades on cloudy days = greatness.)

6) This guy who went from broken and hurt, to being such a blessing- working full time, college full time, and doing all he can to change and grow in love and courage.

(When on crutches, MILK it for as long as you can!)

 7) Neck warmers. They are terrific.

(I prefer my neck warmers in black.)

8) Long walks with little and big people. Conversations that grow us and move our souls.

(Teach them how to "swag" as young as possible.)

9) The fact that in 4 short months, these two are going to give me a granddaughter! Babies are the BEST!

(They have tenacity. I love that in people.)

10) And always, always...The Word of God. Without it, all would feel lost.

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There IS strength to be had.

Midway through October and I am so unprepared to be here. So, I started listening to Christmas Music. Nothing like pressing the fast forward button. I have been so angry, and so sad with all the things that have happened in the last year that I want to say goodbye to 2012. But then I get overwhelmed at what 2013 is going to look like.

Then I read Nehemiah. It was so good to be reminded that "the joy of the LORD" IS my "strength". In this passage you see the people of God preparing to hear the Law- basically the 10 Commandments and goodies from the first 5 books of the Bible. They had begged to have the Word of the Lord read to them, but as they heard it..they began to despair and weep, recognizing their total inability to meet God's standard. That's how I have been feeling this last season. Just completely incapable to do anything of worth, to have failed in so many ways and now, somehow, needing to find a way to make it right.

But listen to what God says, in spite of the MEGA failures of the Israelite people, their exile, their idolatry, their disobedience- " Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved.” And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them." Nehemiah 8:10-12


A commentary I read said that the people had found a reason to celebrate. They had not been totally destroyed as a nation, in spite of their sin. God was and always would be their comfort, their strength. Oh, how good, Lord, You are. Thank you for that word- that no matter the past, we have a future in you. 

(Pictures just for fun- I love working with teens, they are fearless.)

Just another day in paradise...

(My crew on Jasmine's birthday)

That song always makes me laugh because I think, "If this is paradise, heaven is going to blow me away!" Thank God for that promise! Had the perfect meltdown tonight...call me a 2 year old. Been an eventful week- found out our grand baby is going to be a sweet baby girl, kids are all working and going to school, and my man had surgery to remove a large tumor in his arm. All in all, 4 1/2 hours of sleep too many nights in a row can make a girl crazy. Just sayin'.

 Sometimes I look around and think there is no possible way we are going to survive. Literally. And then other times I think, life is pretty awesome. How is that? How can I feel such different emotions in the span of a few weeks. Hormones? Perspective? Environment?

(My grandbaby's first photo. Oh, the pictures we will take!)

I heard a wonderful testimony awhile back that reminded me that no matter how I FEEL, I will survive. The woman spoke about how when she found a lump, she knew it was cancer. And after the biopsy and the phone call from her doctor which confirmed her suspicions, she paced her living room simply praying to God: "I love you. And I trust you...I love you. And I trust you."

Nothing I go through in a week comes close to a life and death struggle. It's more about driving over 100 miles in a day taking teens to school, to work, and doing my job seeing patients. It's more about being dissatisfied with what kind of mother and wife I think I SHOULD be, when the reality will never measure up. If this dear sister can say in the face of mortality: "Lord, I love you and I trust you", why can't I?

It was just so encouraging to remember this in light of my total "crying-asking to die-moaning-throwing myself on the bathroom floor" freak out. Of course, I found it encouraging AFTER I ate some humble pie and had to apologize to my family and my dog for my ridiculous behavior. It is still to be determined if the dog will forgive me. So now, I am ready to stay the course. Now, I am going to say "I love you. And I trust you. Lord, I love you. And I trust you."
"I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.
For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people.
 And I will hope in your name, for your name is good." Psalm 52:7-9

(Jasmine and Spencer are always willing to clean and help out. They make a good team.)