"Don't be that guy."

As I was talking with my son the other day, I realized how often we have used the sentence, "Don't be that guy." over the years. For us, it's a catch phrase to represent "That Guy" we all recognize and don't particularly like.
"Don't be that guy"...who never keeps his word.
"Don't be that guy"...who views women as eye candy.
"Don't be that guy"...who takes more than he gives.
"Don't be that guy"...who is too lazy to find ways to help the people around him.
"Don't be that guy"...who wants to be first at all costs.
It's unspoken meaning that our family recognizes to be "That Guy"... who's behavior dishonors God.

But as we were talking, I kept coming back to the fact that I never once use the phrase "Don't be that girl". And so many times, it would have been appropriate.

Awhile ago I got to catch up with a sweet lady who I hardly see anymore and the topic came around to Facebook and how I wish she posted more often because seeing her happy little life made me smile.

Her response shocked me...and made me a little mad.

She said she really doesn't post anymore because a friend told her once that she didn't like to see how "perfect your life is" and it made this friend angry.

Seriously. This dear, sweet thing felt that she couldn't share all her praises and happiness because it was causing her friend to stumble. As tender and sweet as she is, this conversation spotlighted one of the saddest things about us. Comparison, coveting, whatever...
Her friend's own bitterness and ugly refusal to be joyful in HER circumstances caused her to steal joy from those around her.

"Don't be That Girl"...How often do we feel that twinge of jealousy as women, because we want what someone has. From the outside, we view another woman to BE more, HAVE more, fill in the blank, when all we need to do is look UP instead of around and we would be completely satisfied.

We can go to Philippians 4 and see what God's prescription for contentment really is- being satisfied in Him alone- but how many of us know that with our heads, but don't, or won't, work it out in our hearts? 

Please, sisters...make it a priority to WORK it out. Stop comparing and start praising God for what He is doing in your life, not what you wish He would do. Rejoice when your friends see blessings and help them along this rocky road of life.
Don't be That Girl...who can't be happy in what God is doing for others because you want it.
Don't be That Girl...who can't be satisfied because someone skinnier or prettier is in the room.
Don't be That Girl...who says catty things to another because her kids look better behaved than yours.
Don't be that girl...who's behavior dishonors God. 

Don't be that girl that YOU wouldn't want to be friends with.

We are in this boat together, and it's such a better ride when we use our "oars" for rowing in sync rather than as clubs to beat each other down.

"Who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who among the angels is like the Lord? God is highly respected ...He’s more wonderful than all those who are around him." Psalm 89:6-7

"Two women looked through prison bars..."

(She is seriously the sweetest baby ever. My heart...it's just too much!)

When we want something wonderful to happen, it takes forever. But when we are wanting things to slow down a bit, life flies by too fast!
It's been slow at work, and while that is definitely tough on the wallet, the rest of life has been busy busy! The break from work has given me so much more time to spend with my family and getting to know my Jesus better though, I am grateful. A friend said recently "When I'm going through the tough trials, I just ask God to help me LEARN what He's trying to teach me RIGHT NOW...so I don't have to go through it again!" How true is that? In all the rough patches the last two years, I am earnestly asking God to change me and grow me through it...so I don't have to do it again!!

One of the topics in the "Contentment" Bible Study we are doing (see this post for info) was on "Content with Circumstances". Wow, how easy is that? I can know I shouldn't compare, worry, and say "if only...", but that knowledge rarely stops my action. The more I read through Philippians 4 though, the more God is showing me that the key is where my thoughts are. Actively "rejoicing", "praying" and "thinking on" is how I move past regret and disappointment and on to all that God has done...and will do...in our lives.

(My girl loving her girl. It's beautiful to see.)

There was a story in the study of a young women who happily married her United States Marine fiance and thought it would be romantic and exciting traveling the globe with him. Only a couple years later, she was miserable and sent a letter of complaints to her mother. She hadn't made any friends because she didn't think learning the language was worth it since they would leave soon, and her husband was never home. Here is my favorite part of the story:

"Her astute mother faxed a reply consisting of just two lines.

       Two women looked through prison bars
       One saw mud, the other saw stars. 
                                                                                       (Dillow pg 29, Calm My Anxious Heart)

Oh, how true that is! I couldn't help but see this and remember a journal I had started years ago, to just list all the blessings I see around me. It's been far too long since I wrote in it.

(This picture makes everything else worth it. So totally Spencer, and so totally a daddy loving his baby girl.)

So, here's just a sampling of all God has done this last week for us. What does your list look like, friend? Can we choose to "see stars" instead of staring at the mud below us? I think so!

My "Philippians 4:8" List

* I get to kiss baby cheeks every day
 * Sweet teens who have struggled to see God, still want to meet each week and read His Word  with me. Truly a blessing
* Spencer got a job and a drivers license! (you have NO IDEA how exciting that is to me- EVERY DAY I drive him to and from school, the gym, work, church, and whatever else needs to be done. I think I feel more freedom with that license then he does! No more 7 am car pool for me! After almost 2 years of it, all I can say is- Woot woot!)
* Jasmine was given a safe car to drive her family in
* Jordan is maturing and proving it by actually doing his schoolwork
* Steve is satisfied at work and is feeling healthier each day
* The sun came out!
* Family relations are healing and it's wonderful to watch
* Easter is coming- my favorite holiday
* We have a home, the electricity is on and there is food in the fridge

 The list could go on and on- so I will keep adding to it every day! God bless you!

(What a family!)

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

It's all in the timing.

It's pretty funny how we can be told the same things over and over, but not really hear it. Until the time is right.

I have being feeling bone tired for months. Not so much from lack of sleep, but just a tiredness in my spirit. Granted, its been quite a month. But even that wasn't it. Until this week, I really couldn't explain it to you. But now that I think I have found the reason, it feels AMAZING to know it can be treated.

Back in the fall I started a Bible Study with an old friend (hadn't seen her in years!) and some ladies from her church. It was such a blessing during a time of big transitions. Not being able to lead youth accountability groups, not really having any thing else to encourage study time, this was just what I needed.

Never could I have imagined how perfectly timed it would be. Getting to know these women has been such an encouragement. And then we started a new study this last week. It's by Linda Dillow, called "Calm My Anxious Heart". Timing! I have always been such a worrier. My husband says it's my "favorite hobby". I can worry about why there is more moss in the grass at 2 AM and find nothing wrong with doing it. At 2 in the morning.

Well, in just the first week of the study, God is bringing me His peace. It's awesome to experience. Of course, I had to read the whole book right away because a good thing is too hard to resist. But as I spend the next couple of months going over each chapter in depth with my little group of ladies, I can not WAIT to see what God does in my heart.

In the very first chapter, the author calls us out on what causes our anxious hearts. Lack of contentment. I don't know that I would have gone right to that, but as she cruises us through Philippians 4 and 1 Timothy 6, our worry and anxiety is so often rooted in a lack of contentment, and a lack of TRUST, in what God sees fit to give us.

Dillow tells of a friend she has, who's mother is the picture of contentment. Just the kind of woman that you want to rub shoulders with. Yet, this woman had lived for over 50 years with pygmie tribes in Africa. No running water, air conditioning, healthcare...the most coarse conditions. Her name is Ella, and Dillow's friend came across an old diary entry that Ella had written..and it is worth sharing:

"Ella's Prescription for Contentment"
1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything- not even the weather.
2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
3. Never compare your lot with another's.
4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
5. Never dwell on tomorrow- remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours.


                                                                                  (Dillow, Calm My Anxious Heart pg 13)

WOW. I immediately felt shamed...and the next line the author said the same thing. Coming from a woman who spent her entire adult life "slaving" in a sense, for the love of her Lord and His lost people, how can I not see the truth in it? I had forgotten to really mean it when I said, "Thank you, Lord". For everything.

I am walking around today with a smile on my face. For no other reason but God is good, and His ways are good. He has a plan, and a purpose for each one of us. And that is an AWESOME place to be. God bless you, friend. The daphne bushes are blooming, and Jesus lives. May you look into your OWN cup and thank the Lord for what He has done. The wonderful things that overflow our hearts, the fun things that make us laugh, and the hard things that grow us into a people that look more like Jesus.

Maybe someday I'll be able to say what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13:
  "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."