Disappointment...

"Disappointment- His Appointment"; change one letter, then I see that the thwarting of my purpose is God's better choice for me. His appointment must be blessing though it may come in disguise; for the end, from the beginning, open to His vision lies. "Disappointment-His Appointment." Whose The Lord who loves me best, understands and knows me fully, who my faith and love would test. For like loving earthly parents He rejoices when He knows that His child accepts unquestioned all that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment- His Appointment"; no good things will He withhold. From denials oft we gather treasures of His love untold. Well He knows each broken purpose leads to a fuller, deeper trust, and the end of all His dealings proves our God is wise and just. "Disappointment-His Appointment"; Lord I take it then as such, like clay in the hands of the potter yielding wholly to His touch. My life's plan is all His molding; not one single choice is mine. Let me answer unrepining, "Father, not my will, but Thine." -Author Unknown, taken from As Silver Refined, Kay Arthur

Right when I want to stop the Zone...

A short hiatus from technology has been quite nice. For us, it probably can never be completely removed, but the last month gave me a lot more time for other things as I just did email, Facebook, etc for the necessary- and very little else. It's nice to recognize how little I missed, and yet it's good to be back.

Another month of changes, birthdays, deaths, and walking through life together has passed and I am so thankful for all that God is doing in our world to set our eyes on Him. Spending the last month reading through the gospels has been a great preparation for Easter- and I am more thoroughly convinced than ever that the Resurrection has the ability to transform all of us- from the inside out. Every time I read this, I just grin. Imagine what that feels like, "heart burning within". I can't read a word that Jesus said that doesn't make me crave more, to know His voice, to see His face, to learn His ways. Ahhh...heaven would be wonderful for the single fact that I can ask God all those things and actually understand it clearly. But even then, I know it will be so much MORE.

My motivation to post today was from a question one of our Middle Schooler's put in the "Question Box". At the after school program I work at, the kids can put anonymous questions in a box, and the staff promises to answer them honestly, and often- with humor. Most of our questions range in the silly category- "Why does S have such long hair?", "If you were a tree, what would you be?", etc. But some are questions about God, about life, about friendships. Yesterday we got one that broke my heart, because I can only imagine the hurt that inspired it: "If God is so powerful, why does He let Satan do so many bad things?" Ugh. Knife to the stomach, right? Our Youth Director did a fantastic job explaining what the Bible says about God, Satan, and suffering. I just prayed that the little person who asked the question heard those words, and God opened up their understanding. Whether the cause of our suffering is providence, our own sin, or supernatural enemies- I don't think there is a person alive who hasn't asked the question "why do we have to hurt?". You don't have to live very long to feel the sharp sting of consequences for sin, whether Original Sin- that we are born into since the Fall of Adam and Eve; or sin that we did, or the effects of someone else's sin that hurts us to the core.

I woke up today wishing I could wrap that little teen up in my arms and let them know that in all of it, God IS powerful, He will right the wrongs, and He is, right now- holding her up. I think about all that Jesus did when he died to save us, and then didn't stay dead but rose from the grave VICTORIOUS- so that someday, all suffering will be forever gone for those who choose Him. Oh, Lord- make that REAL to our kids, make it REAL to us.

We talked about this verse a lot at TAG this week, and it just keeps coming to mind for that other little teen. While she is questioning God's power to protect and save, I so hope she finds the truth of this verse- sometimes, it's OK to be weak, to hurt. Because it's then that we grow. ♥

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me...But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

(Pictures are just a glimpse of the last month. The Zone, high school dances, fun times. God is good. ALL the time.And needless to say, I learn more at the Zone the kids do. No quitting for me!)

Remind me...

I love censorship. Seriously, I love that I can have 7 posts started in my blog that I haven't posted because no matter how hard I try they all show what a pessimistic, depressed, Doubting Thomas I am. So- I just keep them private and others are oblivious. (Except for the fact that I am telling you now.) Facebook is the same way, we can show the sides that we want to show of our lives...and keep the junk hidden. Lovely censorship of our thoughts, activities and ideas, so necessary at times.

Anyways, the great thing that I keep learning though, is that as issues arise that strike me with fear, guilt, shame, whatever- God never fails to remind me who I am to HIM. This winter season has brought a lot of ugly with it, but I can't honestly say I would change any of it because it has also brought a lot of learning and wonderful things with it too. I know I am a negative, lying, hypocritical worry wart. This is not news to me...or to most of you. I could walk around hanging my head in shame, but every time I try, God wakes me up with His amazing love and grace. This last week has been a perfect example. When I wake up with the "weight of the world" on my shoulders, and I try to slog through my day with a depressed demeanor- God won't allow it. By the time my head has hit the pillow each night, He has reminded me that He doesn't see me as a sinner, He sees me as His dearly loved daughter. He reminds me that I belong to Him- no matter what. And that "God don't make no junk". What a comfort that is!

God calls us the Apple of His Eye, Precious and Honored, His Polished Arrow, His Children. It is so amazing to be able to cling to those words, and remember that in all things God is working for us, not against us. No matter what our feelings try to tell us.

I have been hanging out in 1 and 2 Corinthians the last few weeks and 1 Corinthians 13 just keeps ringing in my ears. No matter what the circumstances might look like, or how hard it gets- I want to love like this:
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1Corinthians 13:4-7

God bless you and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you today... and give you peace.
"If all of life were sunshine,
Our face would long to gain
And feel once more upon it
The cooling splash of rain" Henry Jackson Van Dyke

(Pictures are of what we do every night. Homework, goofing around, being together. It reminds me why we keep on, keepin' on. )