What's our driving force?

Headed into November with a vengeance! I know I am pathetic, I have been listening to Christmas carols since September, but I didn't go with ONLY Christmas albums until now. I have some self- restraint.

I keep expecting things to slow down and for my worries to go away...and then they don't. I wrack my brain thinking up ways to fix broken relationships that people don't want to fix. As I watch my girl struggle with a broken heart, and shame and guilt, I hurt for her and wonder if she truly knows how God sees her through Jesus, her Savior. As I worry about my men- how tired they are and how hard they work every day just to keep their heads above water- I wonder if they know that the choices they make today will resound into eternity, through the people they love, honor and protect. The anxiety at times is overwhelming, and I pray and pray that they will see blessings and find fulfillment in life. And that's when I realize, if the world is all about me, or all about them- ultimately, my "pursuit" is selfish and in my own best interest.

 I heard something though that helped me stop the "freak out". A speaker posed the question, "What is your driving force? If you are the point of it all, doesn't that make your spouse your maid? Doesn't that put an undue amount of weight on your children to reflect WELL on you?...Our personal self interest shouldn't be the driving force of our life."

Other questions I heard that forced me to consider my focus:
Is this good for ME?
Is this just for ME?
Does this benefit ME?
Does this move ME forward?

Is that how I am living every day? If my husband is ok, then I am ok. If my kids are ok, then I am ok. If my home is in order, then I feel in order. If my career is doing well, it means I am doing well. All of this is internally focused.

The speaker dared to say, "How miserable of a human you are if ultimately everything is about you? The more the world is about you, the more anxiety you are going to feel.
The more the world is about you, the more fear will exist in your heart.
The more the world is about you, the more angry you will be."

How true is that? All my worries are because I sit here focused on our little world, which I can't fix anything in anyways.  I'm constantly worrying how to show my husband how much I respect and love him. I'm afraid Jordan will decide he doesn't need to go to college. I'm afraid that Spencer will regret for the rest of his life the choices he has made with his family. And I get angry at everything, for no reason.

Then I read Matthew 6, and it calms the storm in my heart and reminds me- I am not in control and my "driving force" is, and should be, the hope and trust I have in Jesus. Repeatedly, Jesus pushes us to stop with the appearances, to stop with the stress, and LOOK at Him. He says so clearly, "“ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-34

Our God is for us, He is watching over us, and providing for the things we don't even know yet to ask for. What a comfort that is! Lord, help me to rest in that freedom. Remind me that the smaller my world becomes in my heart, the bigger You will be. 

Matt Chandler from The Village Church was the speaker I heard, and I truly think you would enjoy the full message. I can't do it justice. Here is the media file in case you'd like to hear the whole context. It's worth an hour of your time. Love you, my friend.

Take it back!

What a good kick in the pants today! I just had to post after my grumpiness the last few weeks, God threw DOWN today. And it came from a random Facebook post. Go figure.

I was waiting to pick up Jordan after school and just cruising through FB when, low and behold, an old acquaintance posts the most heart warming, worshipful status about being thankful. Just plain and simple, being thankful. It just stopped me short. My favorite part just keeps running through my mind, "Every movement an act of worship, every breath a gift." (Name withheld for privacy. But what a quote!) 

 So, my heart is convicted, my spirit encouraged. I am choosing to be thankful, and here's just a tiny glimpse of all the goodness in my life:

1) It's AUTUMN! With leaves to crunch, crisp air, and ear muffs right around the corner.

(When ear muffs can't be found, you can always use a toddler.)

2)  My beloved had surgery to remove a tumor, he came out wonderfully and it was BENIGN!

(Even during pre-op, we could be thankful for the comfy bear paw gown- so WARM.)

3) My precious girl is healthy, strong and growing into a beautiful woman. She is going to be a great mom.

(20 weeks and going strong! Halfway to meeting Brielle!)

4)  New friends who make us smile.

(Warm muzzles make life wonderful.)

5) The privilege of knowing my son, who is one of the strongest, most faithful men I have ever met. He never quits on his family, no matter how crazy he things we are.

(Wearing dark shades on cloudy days = greatness.)

6) This guy who went from broken and hurt, to being such a blessing- working full time, college full time, and doing all he can to change and grow in love and courage.

(When on crutches, MILK it for as long as you can!)

 7) Neck warmers. They are terrific.

(I prefer my neck warmers in black.)

8) Long walks with little and big people. Conversations that grow us and move our souls.

(Teach them how to "swag" as young as possible.)

9) The fact that in 4 short months, these two are going to give me a granddaughter! Babies are the BEST!

(They have tenacity. I love that in people.)

10) And always, always...The Word of God. Without it, all would feel lost.

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There IS strength to be had.

Midway through October and I am so unprepared to be here. So, I started listening to Christmas Music. Nothing like pressing the fast forward button. I have been so angry, and so sad with all the things that have happened in the last year that I want to say goodbye to 2012. But then I get overwhelmed at what 2013 is going to look like.

Then I read Nehemiah. It was so good to be reminded that "the joy of the LORD" IS my "strength". In this passage you see the people of God preparing to hear the Law- basically the 10 Commandments and goodies from the first 5 books of the Bible. They had begged to have the Word of the Lord read to them, but as they heard it..they began to despair and weep, recognizing their total inability to meet God's standard. That's how I have been feeling this last season. Just completely incapable to do anything of worth, to have failed in so many ways and now, somehow, needing to find a way to make it right.

But listen to what God says, in spite of the MEGA failures of the Israelite people, their exile, their idolatry, their disobedience- " Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved.” And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them." Nehemiah 8:10-12


A commentary I read said that the people had found a reason to celebrate. They had not been totally destroyed as a nation, in spite of their sin. God was and always would be their comfort, their strength. Oh, how good, Lord, You are. Thank you for that word- that no matter the past, we have a future in you. 

(Pictures just for fun- I love working with teens, they are fearless.)