I think I can do without the "thud"...

I just wrote a nice long blog about what is wrong with the world, and then when I got to the end and went to post the verse from Scripture- God reminded me of the truth. Everything is only wrong with the world when my eyes leave His. Oh, what a comfort that thought is! Thank you, Lord, for knowing exactly when to slap me into my senses and using your Word as a never failing flashlight in the dark.

If you are feeling like things couldn't get messier in your life right now, that people are mean little liars and the sun might never shine again- I pray that God would slap you into your senses. :) With all my heart. That sounds terribly indifferent, and I don't mean it to be. I just mean that good things will come, because God is good. It feels so much better to remember that my perspective is not God's- and if I can just trust Him step for step...He will see me through. As He will you, sista.

Anne says it so much nicer, but I think it gives you the drift of what I mean: "When I think something nice is going to happen I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation; and then the first thing I realize I drop down to earth with a thud. But really, Marilla, the flying part is glorious as long as it lasts...it's like soaring through a sunset. I think it almost pays for the thud." (pg 148 Anne of Avonlea L.M. Montgomery)

Hope tomorrow find you soaring! I know I can't wait for "spring" to come again.
"Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
or the strong boast of their strength
or the rich boast of their riches,
but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,” declares the LORD." Jeremiah 9:23-24

The New Editions!

Steve and I had such a blast yesterday, which has been a long time coming. We haven't been able to be alone together much, because he is off during the week while I am either working or schooling the kids, and then he works the weekend. Well, not yesterday! I asked him to go to an iris garden with me in the morning, which he actually liked (Wahoo!) and then we went to garage sales, had breakfast and found some more plants to add to the patio. He even got a palm tree- which he has been wanting but wouldn't spend the money for. So we were stoked to find one on sale at Yard and Garden for under $30, now we just need to keep it alive!


(as an FYI- if you want to plant something this big in a pot, plan to use over 2 cubic feet of dirt- yeah, that is like 60-80 pounds of the brown stuff!)

Spending time with Steve is truly one of my favorite things to do, he encourages me to "do better" and makes me laugh. I feel so blessed to get to live this adventure with him.

I have been missing my horses terribly. It makes it harder that all my friends mares are having babies, and sending me pictures, and I know my Woodie is raising her gorgeous colt. I miss China and all her sass, and it makes me sad that the girl we sold her to isn't having fun with her. I can't help wishing she was still ours- I would be riding her around right now, and I know we wouldn't have any trouble. Every sunny day is a reminder of trail rides, ground work, and the amazing smell of horse flesh. The girls would have shedded out by now (I would have groomed them bald to enjoy their new summer coats) and be glossy and breathtaking in the pasture. Ahhh, why doesn't everybody get the beauty of horses- my family in particular? :)

Oh well, enough self torture. In reality, my world has become a garden, and it is helping so much to distract my mind and ease the melancholy. I love playing with my plants and watching them grow, and it is almost as much fun to pick out a new flower for the patio as it was to buy grain and beet pulp. Almost. Flowers were specially created by my God too, and I am finding more peace in training them to grow up a trellis or down the edge of a pot then I thought possible. God is so good, when he removes one thing from our lives, he always gives something else- something GOOD.
"He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." Acts 14:17


I am thanking God for His faithfulness to me, and praying that we are all becoming more and more faithful to Him. Believe Him at His Word, my friends, and let's see what mighty things He wants to do!

I think I like definition number 3.

Melancholy–noun
1. a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression.
2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.
3. Archaic- the condition of having too much black bile, considered in ancient
and medieval medicine to cause gloominess and depression, black bile.

When I say I feel "melancholy" today, I have always meant definition 2, a sense of dissatisfaction, reflection, almost a "dreariness"- pensive. But now that I know I can blame "too much black bile" on the reason for my gloomy feeling, I think I will take that one. That's why my Kirby dog looks the way he does, not because he is awaiting his children's return and is bored stiff in the car, but he has too much black bile in his system and it is depressing him. What a relief!

I have decided that sometimes, the dreary, monotony of life is harder to handle than the dramatic times. It is one thing to look into the face of death and say "I believe in God- save me, Jesus!", but when there is nothing tearing at your soul, no big test, no "need" for God in a safe, average, old day- what then? Am I honestly living like I BELIEVE in God, am I honestly saying and knowing that I NEED rescuing? When the Israelites had the entire Egyptian army behind them, and the parted Red Sea before them, I am sure there was fear, terror, even awe- in their hearts, but there was no doubt in their mind that God was fighting for them, who then, could stand against them? But as the years wore on, the manna kept coming and lost it's flavor, the excitement was gone and God's face was harder to see- did the frustration of boring life, the constant sand and dust in their eyes scare them more than all of Pharaoh's bravado? Was the lack of obvious progress a heavier burden than even death?

I have made so many mistakes, like Joshua- forgotten to inquire of the LORD, and thus been faced with the unfortunate consequences (Joshua chapter 9), and struggled with feelings of depression and wishing for Jesus to come back simply to rid me of myself. But in those moments, there is no doubt in my mind that God is real, He is just as He said He is, and Jesus is with me. It's in the daily grind that I feel myself question, in the "melancholy" of work, and chores, and child rearing, and marriage, and friendship- that I sometimes find myself despairing of hope. Despairing that there is a God who is working for me, that though I might not see it; I am growing, and learning, and becoming more of the daughter He created me to be.
Those are the days that I know I need to keep my focus all the more on the prize- press onward through the "dryness" of the desert, the drudgery of the wilderness.

I guess it boils down to, am I ready to put my "money where my mouth is". If God is working in me, to will and to act according to His "good pleasure" (Phil 2:13), then I too, better get busy and quit my belly-aching! To be prepared and ready for whatever might be in store, to work and strive in the quiet times to be closer with my Lord, that when the time comes, I am equipped and ready to stand- sword blazing and eyes on fire- ready to do battle with the evils of this world and my own sinfulness, and to proclaim that Jesus Christ is the ONE and ONLY worthy thing to live for, that He is the joy and happiness of every day, and that He has "risen, He has risen indeed!" and lives in me, how then can I be melancholy? (I obviously have been spending too much time with fiction books again) I suppose for today, my sword is the toilet brush and my eyes are blazingly blood shot due to the lovely mix of chemicals I use to scrub the tile floors. Onward, Soldier!

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of LIFE..." Philippians 2:14-16a