If only we alway saw things the way He does.

Quite a week. After a whirlwind first day of school, Esther Short Park show, football game Friday night, and working yesterday- I want to just curl up on my sofa for at least a week in jammies and with a good book. I haven't felt this "bone tired", as Laura Ingalls would say, in a long time. I suppose it didn't help to stay up until 2 am last night with Arnold Schwarzenegger and my dear friend Nicole. :) But it was so worth it!

Thinking about all that transpired this week, and the way my kids are adjusting to new schools and new people, I thought about how courageous they are and how much I desperately want them to live totally in love with God. I don't want any of us to be content with being a church going Christian, I want us to laugh, love and learn more about our Jesus every day. How to teach that, I have no idea. But I can pray that God finds a way.

I read Luke 7 and it hit me how much more I could do if I was just brave enough. This woman had SUCH a heart for Jesus.
"Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them." Luke 36- 38
This woman knew she was trash. All the biblical scholars agree that she was most likely a prostitute and had no business coming to dinner at a Pharisee's house (that would be like a hooker showing up uninvited to a wealthy, well known Pastor's dinner party.) She knew that she had no right to want Jesus so much, no good deeds to offer Him, not even one example of charity or religious purity to show Him. Yet she truly couldn't keep herself away. She couldn't know that He was within walking distance of her brothel and NOT run to Him. She brought the only gift she could, but most importantly, she brought the offering of a repentant heart and a love for Him that wouldn't be scared away.

What do you think that Pharisee was thinking? Self righteous garbage is what the Scripture says. And Jesus had an amazing response. Listen:

"Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said.
"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said. Luke 7:40-43

Jesus then goes on to compare the welcome He got from the "sinful woman" and the Pharisee. She gave Him the welcome and service of a King, where the best commentaries say Simon the Pharisee had invited Jesus there only to trap Him and catch Him saying something wrong. He didn't offer any of the customary welcomes for guests, which were common at the time- no washing of Jesus's feet, no welcome kiss, no oil for his head. Yet she gave them all, in such a beautiful way.

It took guts for that woman to go in front of the "cool crowd", to see all the wealth and outward "goodness" they had, and put herself out there. But she did it because she kept her eyes on Jesus. She focused on the only one who's opinion she cared about, and ran into the arms that she KNEW would never turn her away. She BELIEVED that God's grace would be enough, in spite of all her inadequacies.

Oh, how do I show my kiddos that? How do I encourage Jazz to be confident in spite of the "mean girls"? To show them kindness and love even when they spit in her face? How do I explain to Jordan how important it is to stand up for what is right? To have courage when everyone else gives in? To teach them NEVER to become a "Pharisee", to know and experience how wonderful it is to be totally forgiven and free...at the feet of Jesus.

Do an amazing work in all our hearts today, Father. Help us to be honest and faithful to You, and to keep our eyes on Jesus- the author and perfecter of our faith.

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much...
Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Luke 7:47,50

Sometimes I wish I could write like David...

"O God of my praise, Do not be silent!
For they have opened the wicked and deceitful mouth against me;
They have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
They have also surrounded me with words of hatred,
And fought against me without cause.
In return for my love they act as my accusers;
But I am in prayer.
Thus they have repaid me evil for good and hatred for my love...

Help me, O LORD my God;
Save me according to Your loving kindness.
And let them know that this is Your hand;
You, Lord, have done it.
Let them curse, but you bless;
When they arise, they shall be ashamed,
But your servant will be glad." Psalm 109:1-5; 26-28

Vengeance feels so much easier than forgiveness sometimes.

He has risen- He has risen indeed!

God is so amazing, and I still don't get why that surprises me! I obviously don't know Him nearly well enough. But I am so thankful He has given all of us the opportunity to know Him more and more. Thank you, Jesus- for making a way.

Easter was such a great time. We had some of our family over, and it shocks me how much better my heart is doing. God has been gracious and truly is giving me a new heart, and a new understanding of what it means to love people. I have a long way to go, but I am finally sure I will make it. :) The drama of the last year, and all the changes that have happened has just reinforced more and more that the "Lord gives, and the Lord takes away- Blessed be the name of the Lord." Where we have lost financially, God has provided abundantly, where we have lost family, God has provided new family for us to give and share our lives with. Where we have lost faith, God has given more grace, where we have lost hope- God has given so much mercy.

I am so rich, and I can't believe I didn't see it before. As each milestone passes from last spring, each holiday is completed- I feel Jesus helping me through, healing the holes in my heart and making me trust in His unfailing goodness. I know there will be days that threaten to tear me down, break my resolve in trusting Him- but the more I realize that there are no guarantees outside of Jesus, the easier it gets to keep my focus.
Ahhh- today will be a good day, Praise God. And if next April finds me alone and living in a cardboard box, Praise God. Help me to truly live like that, Father. God be with you today, friend.
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3

The Love Dare

It's too bad that some days seem to end quickly. Yesterday was a much needed day of refreshment and review- the skies were blue, the air warm, and spending the day with my kids was so perfect. I needed that so much. No matter how much I think I can handle the rude thoughtlessness of some, apparently I can't. I get so bent out of shape about little things, and Sunday I found myself hung up over inconsequentials. It is so difficult for me not to get angry when someone hurts my husband or my children, and in all honesty- I want to let them have it. I can't even tell you how hard it was for me to hold my tongue. I spent most of Monday morning trying to distract myself, and by 9am, God was slowly cooling my spirit- and reminding me what my focus should be on. Ahhhh- relief.

I watched Fireproof, a Christian movie about marriage, last night and the funny thing was, it applied more to my extended family issues than my marriage right now. It was a good reminder of how I should respond to hurt, and how MUCH crap Jesus has taken from me, yet still loves me and provides for me every day. Can I really say that anything He asks me to do is too much?

Very good movie if you haven't seen it. Now I just have to KEEP that focus, it's always so easy to do when I haven't had to talk to anyone yet. :)

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Paul Boese

I have been praying for a friend as she struggles to forgive some huge hurts, and I remember a time when I felt so similar to her. It almost felt like by giving up my right to be hurt, I was agreeing with the offender- that what they did was o.k. This quote reminded me that it was never mine to punish anyways, and the minute I forgave completely and let God decide the outcome- my life colored again and I could see "the forest through the trees" so to speak. My world became so much bigger and better, and the future had so many more options. I am so praying that would happen for my friend. She is afraid that if she forgives, her future is cemented in sadness and pain. I hope God will show her all the doors He will open, if she can obey. Pray with me.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." Matthew 18:21-35

Ida B- "No quitting allowed".

"Apologizing is like spring-cleaning. First of all, you don't want to do it. But there's something inside you, or somebody outside you who's standing there with her hands on her hips saying,"It's time to make things right around here", and there's no getting out of it.
Once you get started, though, you find out that you can't just clean out one room and be done with it; you have to do the whole house or you're tracking dirt from one place to the other. Well, it starts to seem like too, too much, and you want to quit more than Christmas. But there's that somebody or something telling you again, "Keep going. You're almost done. No quitting allowed." Katherine Hannigan

It is amazing to me how perfectly timed our lives can be. I complain mostly that things come around at the wrong time, but that is because it was bad things- and really, who ever thinks there is a "good" time for bad things to happen? I was thinking about forgiveness and reconciliation again this morning, and asking God why we have to be so hurtful to one another- and it came to the point that I just decided trusting God to work things out is always the way to go. My heart has felt so much lighter the last few months, knowing that God has forgiven me and loves me- I wish I could explain it. Not that things are perfect, or even great- but I just know that I am doing all that I can, and God is with me- and will keep showing me where He wants me to "clean up". So I started my day, canceled my walk with Stef because it is too cold, and curled up with one of my kids books called, Ida B. I don't know why I decided to pick it up (hehehe- God thing yet again) but it called my name and I thought- dishes are done, animals cared for, and it's a short book. Well, thank you, Lord for the prompting, because that little book did my heart good this morning. Borrow it from me, you will love it.
It's about a little girl who's world goes upside down when her mom gets cancer and they have to sell some of their land and she has to go back to school after being homeschooled since kindergarten. Ida B. is such an imaginative little girl, you are truly entranced by her little thoughts, as she has to try and figure out how things went from "righter than right to a million miles beyond wrong". You struggle with Ida B. as she hardens her heart, and refuses to forgive her parents, and tries to block out the world. But love, kindness and forgiveness win out as the days go by, and kids, her teacher, and her parents push her to let her heart find happiness in the little things. It's like watching someone act out Matthew 6 in their life today.
After Ida B. apologizes to a girl at school, to her trees and brook- she feels the "peace that passes all understanding", and her heart that was "hardening into a sharp black stone" breaks loose from the coldness and beomes full of happiness again, in spite of the tough stuff life still contained.
"And then there was a silence between us. Now, I knew that silence needed me to cross it. But even though Mama was right there, the space between us felt awfully wide, and getting across it seemed like a dangerous venture. I was thinking that I might want to spend some time putting together a plan to cross it without getting hurt.
But my new-old-big-and-filled-up heart told me that if I'd just take a step, without considering it too much, in an instant I'd be at the other side. So I did."

What a great story, and what a great truth God had for me this morning. Things didn't get "roses and daisies" for Ida B., and they don't for us either. But when we are willing to say " I am sorry", to forgive quickly, and to love big- we can't be wrong. I agree with what Katie DiCamillo said of this book: "...there will be many, many, many readers like me; people who turn the last page of this book and feel a deep gratitude, a profound joy that both Ida B and Katherine Hannigan exist."

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15
God bless you today.

It keeps coming back...

I can't seem to get away from certain topics, and I have to say that is a God thing. The more I am forced to think about it and deal with it, the better my heart feels and the less it hurts. At the Zone yesterday, Tyler talked about how God created us and knows EVERY THING about us. Besides the inflammatory language, it was awesome- and so true.
The statement in this book was "In order to make an kind of human relationship work, there must be forgiveness as part of the mix someplace. We all make mistakes. Many things in life cannot be "made right". THe only answer for the human blundering and living is an honest act of forgiveness. It's outrageously costly...this cutting away from a person their wrong and letting them go free. But there is no other way to meaningful, honest, open, healing, wonderful relationships!"

"She who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which she must pass herself."
-George Herbert

Wow- that applies to the church, to marriage, to everything. If I could just have that kind of attitude towards all my relationships.

God be with you, and have a great day!

"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Matt. 6:12

Keepin' On, Keepin' On...

" I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is another way of saying, "I will not forgive." Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note- torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one." Henry Ward Beecher

I love that, no matter how much it hurts because it reminds me how short I come. I want to let stuff go and have it never creep up again, but I think forgiveness is something we have to decide to do- over and over again, until we truly FORGET the troubles. That is a conscious decision too. Reading the book of John is a constant reminder of how little I understand about Jesus, and how much I take for granted. It is so funny to see my kids growing, and learning to process things with a critical mind, to see them getting wiser right before my eyes- and it is so amazing that that is exactly how God sees me! We are His children, and I wonder how often He watches me struggling to get something, and He lets me struggle- so I can learn. I always want the quick fix- I pray for Him to just clean up the mess I have made, but then what would I really learn? I let my children stumble and fall, and then help them get up again. How awesome that God does the same for me. Each day is new, and some days are going to be better than others, but the end is sure.

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving on another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." Epehesians 4:32