Sunday, February 1, 2009

Finding balance...

Today was one of those days that I knew I should have never gotten out of bed. Worked the late shift last night, totally exhausted from running my butt off all over the hospital, traumatized from taking care of traumatic brain injury patients who couldn't stop picking their noses and eating the dug up treasure, others trying to pull out their foley catheters without waiting for the balloon to be deflated (horrifying, bloody, and painful). Woke up with too few hours of rest and a severely swollen eyelid that hurt like nobody's business, tried to take a picture of the beautiful sunrise but the beasties wouldn't behave and eat breakfast like they should so I missed the window, and the list goes on. Church was fantastic, and challenged me to be a better "partner" with the people in my life, and no more than 30 minutes later I picked a fight with my husband about something totally stupid. And don't even get me started on the Super Bowl Part. Yes, lovely day that it was- I have to believe that some days are MEANT to be lived under the covers with my chihuahua curled up in my arms. Hehehe
But as I sat here thinking over the events of the day, I realized that if my attitude stinks, everything else in life is going to smell worse than my compost pile on a 90 degree day. That's what went wrong this morning- I went to bed on the "wrong side", and brought that right into the next day. I have a tendency to say yes to everything, because I was such a jerk before I was a Christian I feel I need to make up for it now. So I over-extend and then get grumpy about it later. But I am finally learning there is a healthy balance between being a helper and being a hindrance- hindering the lessons God wants them, and all of us, to learn. So, I might joke about it being a terrible day, but if I am honest, I am glad for the little trials that each day brings, because it reminds me to hold tighter to God's hand. I spent the last year trying to reach for family or whatever to fill the gap left in my heart from the losses of life, and what I really needed was my Jesus. And He is so totally ENOUGH. Now, I have a fresh experience to remind me that following Christ has nothing to do with me following my feelings, and love can cover a multitude of sins. And that is a GREAT day- one where Jesus talks to my heart.
I had a rough morning, but I also had a great time with friends and family cheering on the Cardinals, cuddling sweet babies, and playing with my niece and nephew. No matter if I get my feelings a little hurt by some trivial things, or I feel a bit worn out- the time was not wasted and wisely invested in the lives and memories of the people I love.
So the lesson I got today was: sometimes it is wiser to say "no" when people push themselves on you (long story) or take advantage of you, and whether I decide it is o.k. to stay in bed a little bit longer or I jump up in my ninja warrior outfit ready for battle- every morning God is showing me beautiful nuggets of His character and His beauty, if I will take the time to put my "feelings" aside, and listen.
Very rambling note, and although you probably didn't understand anything I said- sleep well knowing I am doing o.k. and God is on His throne- my new favorite saying if you hadn't noticed. :)
" Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved; clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

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