Wednesday, May 27, 2009
"If I error- let me error on the side of faith."
Each day this week has reminded me of something silly, and something encouraging, and I don't want it to stop! Crazy business with school, my working and Steve's new job, but I truly wouldn't have it any other way. As I process the end of this school year, and the end of homeschooling; as I care for my patients and hear the worries on their hearts, I feel God's presence right next to me, almost like He is saying, "It's going to be alright." My new Bible study gave a name to these events, the little moments in a day where God obviously put His hand out to help (or in my case, put His hand over my mouth and said, "DO NOT say that to your husband right now!) They are called "God Stops". No matter how trivial, or how profound, we all have them every day, and yet I have often been too busy to stop and notice. Writing them down in my journal every night has helped me identify them, and I can't stop laughing at how good our God is. He really can do what He says He can do!
The song to the right on my playlist is one of my favorites, and for the first time- I finally heard the chorus...
"Cause I got a couple dents in my fender,
Got a couple rips in my jeans.
Try to fit the pieces together-
But perfection is my enemy.
On my own I'm so clumsy,
But on Your shoulders I can see...
I'm free to be me." Francesca Battistelli
I have struggled with faith for years- knowing that I don't have enough, and knowing that I don't deserve more. But that is my own ugly saying that- God doesn't see me that way at all. I constantly keep trying to do it on my own, to be perfect, to have it together- and in all honesty, I suck at it. Beth Moore says it so well in one of her lessons- "God's call on my life is scandalous!...He risks His name and reputation on a pit dweller like me..." That is how I rightly feel sometimes, because I know what a lying, cheating, mean, ugly, nasty (insert explective here) I am. But that is the awesome glory of God- that He isn't limited to my fallen state, but can perform a miracle in my heart each and every day that I choose to BELIEVE Him at His word! "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16 He has said that the old me is going away and the new me is alive, day by day, as I trust God to do a miracle. If I would be His little girl, and climb up on His shoulders to let Him take me through my day, I could "see"...and I would feel a lot freer to just "be me".
My fear of believing God- you know, in case He doesn't come through- has kept me from being able to dream and hope BIG! Hope and faith go hand in hand throughout the Bible, if I don't have faith in God, I can't have hope in what he plans to do. And what a loss.
It is impossible to "live the Walk of Faith without faith", because sooner or later, life is going to throw us a curve ball we can't think, talk, work, or fight our way through. And that is when KNOWING that our God is big enough really matters. It's when we "get down to the nitty gritty" as Nacho Libre says and we realize that God has the supernatural strength and goodness to heal the brokenness of our spirit and work a miracle in our hearts more amazing than the parting of the Red Sea. Amen! With my God, ALL things are possible! Help us to remember it, Lord. And start fresh today- believing You at Your word. I love you, friends. :)
(I can finally share these photos of Shadow without crying...Wahoo!)